A Poeme from ye Penne of
ye right learned Professor Peter Buttocke
collected by hysse Pupille Edna
There is an ancient Shittah in my Garden, eldritch and right dun in alle Aspect
Wherein dwelleth a loude and noisome Ouzel, ye like of which I have ne'er yet seen
Under thysse our goode Goddes fayre Welkin up in ye Skye above us alle.
This foule and unwholesome Beeste, with trespassynge shote-like rectal Effusiones
Hath performed ye veritable Antithesis of kindly horticultural Edulcoration
For whiche Sinne I shall emasculate ye Brute, so God may grant me Pow'r.
Sudating at ye Nostrilles I advance, my trustie Stang at ye ever-ready,
And I prepare to eject it from yon Pollard, having previous shattered
Alle its horryd Frangibles with one brave bolde frampold Blowe.
Thwacke! A last Piffero-reminiscent Warble escapeth loude from its fowle coronoid Appendage;
Right severe Damage and harsh fatal Ruine of Nature irreversible have I caused
To ye shaggie shamelesse little avian Runte, whereon Goddes smile hath ne'er dawned.
Thus descendeth it to the Faeces-bedecked Herdwick, and I titubate triumph'lly o'er its conticent Corpse.
And were there yet a duodenary Set of ye Frass-Depositors, I would not give a Demi-Testrel for their Survyvall
Should they e'er again infringe the sacred Privacie whych ye ancient Shittah enjoyeth in my Garden.
Author notes
I do most earneste hope Ye all shall like thysse Poem y-writtenn in ye goode olde Style of ye Geoffrye Chaucer Esq.
And shulde ye wysshe to reade and lerne yette more, hie thee to allpoetry.com/poem/1082419 forsooth.
Written in ye mistes of time, discovered by Dr Buttock in 1976 and revised by Edna on 2nd July 2008.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Asshole's Contest: Good Poet's BORROW, Great Poet's STEAL! by Avatar of Innocence.
1800 points, ended July 5, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Damnit Edna! Why do you do this to me? You bastard guy. Now I have nothing but nice things to say about this poem, the ingenuity of using Middle English as well as your shrewed, crude way of being fucking brilliant. I hate you.
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O to have y-gotten a silvered prize, cuppe so virtualle
And full as well complete with ye fyfe hondres pointes withal
Thysse poete is indeed right chuffed and well gratified
As ye points go into the banke to be used so my poemes can be glorified. -
If you have a contest for "assholes" how could I not respond, my dear one?
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Oh man, you brought back my college days of having to read Chaucer's Canterbury Tales in middle English. That totally sucked. lol. This hurt my meager brain trying to read all the ye's and alle's and ne'er's. Too many y's going on if you ask me. But I REALLY really really appreciate that you had the patience and time to pull it off. Hats off to you, mate, because I don't know another person alive who could or would emulate Chaucer... you brave brave soul. lol Thanks for the entry
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Chaucer is ace. If you didn't appreciate him, I am sorry for you. You have missed out on great poetry. Read him aloud. It's much easier when spoken. Anyway there's the Coghill translation.
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Oh man, I love Chaucer... still have my Riverside Chaucer from the college days. Wouldn't part with that book for the world. I failed the class miserably, lol, but I take rest in the knowledge that I was a freshman and it was a graduate level course
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Geoffrye Chaucer style!!!
Thats what you say....
I cant see it myself but that is only because I cant understand it...
It's all German too me.
Good/Great Write.
& parts of it almost sound rude.
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You can't understand it? Why not? All words used are English and the spellings are pseudo-genuine 15th century.
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This is really neat!
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When I do not understand words in OTHER translations, then I do not comment Edna, So please accept that as reason for no comment!
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What is there not to understand?
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Edna this is one of the writes in old English ..what ever is fine for you.. but I do not understand that language so there fore I will comment no futher,..Linda
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I usually try to steer away from the olde english style of writing but to me it seems you pulled it off very impressively. One thing I love about your writing is you can never expect what the topic is going to be and this only goes to show the truth in that. Well done, take care and God bless.
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LOL. I took a course a graduate course on Chaucer in college, and was forced to read his works in Middle English. This brings back the good ole days. lol. Oh hell, this just made my day.
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Ah very intersting, can't wait to find the meaning to all these cool looking words.
~Spiffy~ Good Luck -
Nice work.
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ande alsoe withe ye!
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Dear loualoui: I am ryghte gratefylle for thy loyal Applause! May Goodnesse and Mercie be withe Thee alle thy Days!
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Ah yes... much improved... but I can't help feeling as little sorry for that poor Ouzel. It strikes me you were somewhat harsh on the foul beast. I mean, at least he was actually using the shittah and not doing his business all over your lawn. I don't know if you have ever had the misfortune to scoop Ouzel doo of the grass... but believe me it is not pleasant!!
OK, OK I’ll applaud; I can see you’ve put a lot of hard work and effort into this.
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Deare loualoui: I was stille engrossed in ye wryttynge of thysse worke when Thou hast seene my First Draft! And so nowe I am but y-finished. I right do thynke ye second Attempt will be more to thy liking! With alle Goddes blessynges on thy Noble Heade! But by our Lordes blood, I shalle not change ye Titel! Nought on thysse Earth woulde make me do swiche a tastelesse Thinge, nay not tho his Bloode stream through ye very Firmament of Heav'n!
Edited on Feb 23, 10:39 because ''. -
I think you should rename this 'The Jabberwocky Dumpeth' because I wouldn’t mind betting, if you look behind the shittah, you will find a couple of brillig and a few slithy toves lurking about there. Yes this piece has a definite whiff of Lewis Carroll about it. (I guess he’s never heard of air freshener!)
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