I sat thinking...
of everything and everyone
I began to swim in my own tears
The water was getting higher
and higher and higher
The tears wouldn't stop
I started to sink
My head was barely above
My nose and mouth taking in
the lovely air
Then, I started to go under more
My head now under
I opened my eyes
I was dripping with sweat
I was shaking
I couldn't take it
Walking to the restroom
I decided to call you-
the reason for this sleeplessness
When I did sleep
I had dreams that are horrid
I couldn't take it
I HAD to call you
right then
"Hey."
"Hey, is anything wrong?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Are you okay?"
"Y-yes. I just wanted to say...I..I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Click.
Author notes
Written February 19th, 2005
A contest entry
- Anything You want by Spilly420.
300 points, ended February 28, 2005, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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That's a bit unusaul. Was it anxiety? Was it guilt? Or perhaps... it was, just blantant paranoia? Who can say? Either way... I thought it was great that I didn't guess how you would end it. Made it interesting, you know?
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i really like this poem, i know the feeling all too well. and you express it perfectly in this poem.
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Oh this is so very cute. It perfectly describes those so very nervous feelings of young love. Very well written! God Bless, Penny (Thanks for reading my poem too)
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Very well done! I liked the line "I began to swim in my own tears." Bravo!
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good poem keep it up
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I thought at first this would turn out sad, but I loved the ending. I needed something sweet to read, awesome write!
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Aaaaw, thats so sweet, even though its a scary poem but I think its quite quaint. I like how you made the really neat transition between dreaming, reality and the phone call, it flowed really well I think. I know how this feels, I did it just the other night
I was thinking bad thoughts, so I had to call my best friend. He never sleeps....
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Good work!
Good work!It reminds me of Alice In Wonderland!Remember that part ,where she was drowning in her own tears?Our emotions can really play a number on us sometimes! -
Good Job
This piece is a pretty interesting walk through a common experience...at least common to me. Well written. I enjoyed reading it. Do not go to bed thirsty... -
Good write, it reminds me of when my boyfriend and I got into a fight and I couldn't go to sleep until he told me goodnight. This was very good. I am so excited to read more!
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Continue writing from your heart. The everyday words draw the readers in to make them feel like they are there experiencing it with you. Keep on writing, my friend.
--Toast -
excellent
I enjoyed reaing this very much! very very very nicely put togehter! I have felt like thi sbefore, you captured the felling very well! -
This is interesting. I've felt something like this, but never quite to that extreme. free verse isn't really my kind of poetry, but this one got my attention a little bit
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i am afraid i can't identify with this feeling too much
but it was a pretty clever write and was certainly a surprising end! good stuff -
Wow. Good write. I remember the dizzying feeling that you just need to talk to that person once more before going to bed. That you just need to hear his voice as he tells you that he loves you too. Thanks for reminding me.
Kat -
good write. I actually felt drawn in and I did feel like I was drowning. You captured my mind with your write. Keep up the great writing you have some talent here. Looking foward to reading more from you soon
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