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Another Beautiful Day

"Another Beautiful Day"



As the dawn breaks into another,
The black skies fade away,
The sunshine makes its journey,
Into another beautiful day.......

The clouds are oh so very,
Drifting white and cottony,
The breeze is ever so gentle,
As it wisps upon our face, merrily.....

The warmth of the beautiful sunshine,
Surrounds us like a soothing melody,
Its ever after warm rays that touch us,
Wraps around us tightly, abundantly.....


As you hear the birds whisper's,
Bees buzzing in their honey tree's,
Blossoms of the flowers' passions,
That drift along in the afternoon breeze....

And then the sunshine leaves,
The skies turn back to trade,
This beautiful day that leaves us,
Will return to us soon without delay.

Author notes

Thank you all for all your input! I didn't realize there had been that many mistakes so I fixed them all!
Written February 15th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • JaydensNanas
    March 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    awww thanxs stolen1985 for your wonderful comment! it is very much appreciated!


  • Abscessed
    March 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow ...just 2 words to say
    ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!

  • Just4u
    March 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sunshine...on my shoulders....gives me sunburn
    Sunshine...in my eyes....can make me blind.... hehe

    It been very sunshiny here the last few days. Hard to believe
    it's March with the weather in the 50's above instead of 20 below...lol

    Hugs...Eddy


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi there Edna Sweetlove,
    Wow, you certainly have pointed out almost a ton of errors in my poem! First off, I am not offended in any way and yes, I went to school and I am sure my teacher didn't get to teach if she didn't have a degree. Secondly, wisp's, what does that mean? You can find any words meanings at www.dictionary.com My last line, an answer to your question of what does the skies turn back to trade means that the day has turned back to night as what it does do everyday. And by the way what wasn't very good? All my errors or the poem itself? Thank you for taking the time and effort to point out all my error's! I appreciate your input and your time for reading my poem!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi ClassicVerse,
    Now your comment is something I was hoping to see as you described my poem as vivid imaginary and a mental picture etc...That made my day as I was trying to find other words to describe a beautiful day! Something different for me to write about as I do a lot of dark writting. I do so much appreciate your commment and reading my poem. I will check your page out soon! Thanks again!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Mellor!
    Thank you for your comment on my poem! I was not at all offended by Edna Sweethearts comment at all. She pointed out grammer errors and something as little as it's which means it is and its is totally different and can throw a poem off track for what you want a reader to read! But I do appreciate your comment on to ignore someone as people do get offended. Thanks again for reading and commenting on my poem! I appreciate your input a lot!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Lulu!
    Yeah as much as I try to find my own mistakes..lol..I never do find them all and that is why sometimes I feature my own poems for feedback! I appreciate others pointing them out to me and I don't get offended at all! Thank you for your input on my poem! I appreciate it a lot!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hey Robin!
    Hey, can you believe that??? I didn't write another dark poem!! Yippee for me! Ah, anyways, thank you my friend for your kind words on my poem and the applause! I so much appreciate it! I am also glad that you enjoyed it too! Your writting is so inspiring to me!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hello write your life!
    Thank you for reading and leaving me such a great comment! I appreciate it a lot!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Mandaean!
    I am lol right now because as much as I try to find errors I always seem to miss em! Thank you for pointing them out to me in such a nice way! I appreciate your input and feedback a lot! Thanks for reading and commenting!


  • JaydensNanas
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hi genielassie!
    Thank you for reading my poem and leaving me a wonderful comment! I appreciate your kind words to my poem that I put some time into! Thanks again! 's back at ya!


  • Forms of Me
    February 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful. I love the vivid imagery. The words are so well chosen...creating such wonderful mental pictures and such a feeling as your readers read the flowing words.

    I hope to read more of your work...I enjoy your writing...

    Keep up the great work.

  • Mellor
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Edna Sweetheart should be told, if you've nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.
    Ignore her, dear. I thought this was good.
    Your rhyming was well done, and seemed to float by as the poem did. Some of the description in here was lovely.
    I liked it, well done
    Mellor x

  • Uncontrolable FrEaK
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    sure there are a few typos but i love the way it flows... so complete, i love it!
    ~~~LuLu


  • Edna Sweetlove
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh yes a few more grammatical errors:-

    bee's should be bees
    flowers should be flowers'
    drifts should be drift

    Jesus, there are so many mistakes. Didn't you go to school? Or may'be yore teechers woz mongolz


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    How beautiful! I wish my day was like that Very soothing sweety. Just what I needed to read Good to see you again.

    Hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day.

    ~Lyrical


  • WriteYourLife
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    good poem

    I really like this poem. Like Mandaean said though, there are some mistakes, but other than that it was beautiful!


  • Edna Sweetlove
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Not vety spunky, I'm afraid

    I hope you won't be offended but this is not very good.

    Stanza 1, line 3: "it's" should be "its"
    Stanza 2, line 4: what on earth is "wisp's"??
    Stanza 4, line 1: - grammar: "birds whispers" should be either "bird's whispers" or "birds whispers" or "birds whisper"; I have no idea which.
    Last stanza: "The skies turn back to trade" - what might that mean?

    Edited on Feb 15, 4:56 p.m. because ''.

  • Eric Nunnally
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Good poem

    Light, airy work. Refreshing. In this stanza:

    As you hear the birds whispers,
    Bee's buzzing in their honey tree's,
    Blossoms of the flowers passions,
    That drifts along in the afternoon breeze....

    "birds" should be "bird's"
    "Bee's" should be "Bees"
    "tree's" should be "trees"
    "flowers" should be "flower's"
    and "drifts" should be "drift"

    Good poem, though.

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    February 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh...a very lovely poem! Very flowing and wonderful poem. You did well with the topic that you chose to write about. Your wording is elegant and very conductive! Best wishes and s......~genielassie~

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