I toss in strangely troubled dreams
Of rolling hills and woodland streams --
Of soft, pale skin, so smooth and fair,
And moonlight glancing off her hair.
What can I say? What can I do?
Sad to say, she's just not you.
True love calls ..."Come, please be mine ...
We'll drink to good Saint Valentine."
And if, perchance, you choose to stay,
We'll leave her there and go away:
To roam the world, to wander far ...
Beneath fair Venus, morning's star.
For fate could never put asunder
Bonds of love, entwined in wonder...
Though our souls should dare to brave
A bright new land beyond the grave.
Why waste one day, one minute more?
Let's bite the apple to the core;
And while the years and seasons fly,
Our love will grow...and never die.
Author notes
Written February 14th, 1992
A contest entry
- Love? by rsheafer.
700 points, ended December 24, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want Gold Trophy Winners Judged by RedwingSpirit.
900 points, ended January 11, 2008, 58 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Getting Gold Like Fort Knox...(NOW 1000, adding more points often) by RyanosaurusWrecks.
1000 points, ended March 11, 2008, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me beauty can still be found in this world by bwderos.
490 points, ended November 12, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CELEBRATE 17 NOVEMBER- FOR AWARD-WINNING POEMS OF THE PAST YEAR by Vera Rich.
750 points, ended December 2, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love, Please by Painted Nails.
950 points, ended November 17, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 56 of 56
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A quite delightful and gentle love-song. Delicious rhyming with a smooth flow, there's little else to say
Jeff -
This piece is certainly worthy of all the shining chalices it has garnered, my Friend. Your sense of rhythm and stylistic rhyme is one of the best on this site, I think. The moral of this lovely poem is an astute one, as well - carpe diem, indeed. Good luck in the contest. 
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Love can be as beautiful as a dream, or as dark as a dream. Indeed it is a journey shared, as you rightly portray in this piece.
There are some nice lines in this piece, but I thought the final line was too bland to end the poem (something I have been guilty of myself at times), especially when in the first stanza it begins with something magical and dreamy, indicating promise in lines to follow!
I liked the reference to Venus.
"What can I say? What can I do? Sad to say," ...
... since you already use "say" in the first line of this stanza, a synonym or even a totally different expression, would be beneficial here, to keep the images, actions and vocabulary fresh. "Say" seems over-used to feature twice in two lines, losing impact in the second use. -
I lik this, especially the rhyme and the punctuation.
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When I read your post about the gold cup win, I had to come and see. You're an old romantic! You know that I love rhyme, and your poetry written in chunks is as sweet as squares of hershey bar. I regret to say that I am not familiar with your poetry, I intend to change that. Good write Jim!
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Wonderful love poem. Never waste a moment of sharing, there are far too few. The sentiment is so true the imagery, rhythm and flow beyond compare. Your trophies, all, deserved.
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This is great. I don't think there is anything that could make this any better. Thanks for sharing and best of luck
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I like it, liked the rhyming and the idealism of love.
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Delightful poetry, and definitely not your usual genre!
We are both always delighted with your entries I suspect you are our most consistent contributor, keep it up!!!
Thanks a lot
Jeff and Sue
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Thanks for the enlightening comment ...
I didn't know I had a usual genre.
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To start out with your title is amazing. It really draws the reader in the poem. The poem is amazing as well. Great work. Best to luck to you.
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Congrats on your trophies, thanks for sharing this with melol
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Well done. Enjoyable to read for content as well as techniques. Congratulations on the silver.
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jim, another fine entry...and coming from you, i appreciate this poem
Why waste one day, one minute more?
Let's bite the apple to the core;
a haste for the swim, an anxious endeavor for the plunge, and a great description for why love leads us to happiness...congrats on your previous trophy
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Awesome!
Holy cow, I absoulutely love love love this one. It is no wonder it got published and you also won gold on it. You are so very talented.
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i like it
this poem reminds me of how it felt when i was in love for the first time. you chose your words with the utmost precision and spun a totally engrossing tale. great write. never stop
Rob -
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I've tried repeatedly ...
to give you five stars on this, but the damned site is messed up and it won't work. Same with everybody else below. I don't know what's up with it. I will ask a Mod if one ever appears. There's been none on at all all morning.
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This is such a beautiful write. There is sadness in leaving and entering into a relationship. Perhaps one of life's lessons I have learnt is that there is always something precious one can carry into a new relationship. Congratulations on the award, and thank you for deciding to feature this poem. Frans
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Wow This is great. Congratulations on the previously won trophies.
Thank you for taking the time to enter this into my contest.
I wish you the best of luck.
RedwingSpirit
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Marvelous poem, congratulations on its publication and the gold trophy. My favorite lines,
"And if, perchance, you choose to stay,
We'll leave her there and go away"
and
"Why waste one day, one minute more?
Let's bite the apple to the core;"
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I very much enjoyed this poem. It was explictly worded and the rhyme and and flow very magnificent. Splendid job and best of luck.
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Busy with an 8-week-old baby, actually. Was holding him in one arm and judging the contest with the only available hand.
Excuse me.
Like the word choice and flow of this piece. Even though it doesn't exactly answer the question I posed, it's the best-written poem in the contest, so won by virtue of that contrast.
Congrats. -
This poem is awesome. It's a little sad, it didnt touch me as much as I would have liked but it is well written and I like the message of two lovers not together and the hopes of getting together.
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This is such a great love poem with beautiful rhymes and nice flow…thank you for sharing wonderful write…
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...So beautiful. I tried to make a better introduction, but this was the most appropriate thing I could say - I should REALLY not spoil the spirit of the poem with (maybe) useless words, but... I promised, ha-ha!
So, where should I start?I said I'll point out mistakes... but I really don't know what to point out here! Although, I found something deranging me when I read it out loud (Yes, I do that kind of stuff! :| ). This line:
"Of soft, pale skin, so smooth and fair,"
Either "soft", either "pale" will have to go, I guess. When read, it sounds better with "pale", but it's your choice, after all
I don't dare commenting punctuation, since it's WAY better than mine is, ha-ha! I don't know, maybe here:
"To roam the world, to wander far ..."
Instead of the "...", a comma would do? But I like it this way too.
In the last stanza, which is also my favorite, a plus of emotion could be shown by ending the second line with an exclamation mark; Also, I think that it wouldn't hurt removing the "the" before "years"-for the rhythm.
All in one, absolutely amazingly penned, dear poet! Congratulations, thank you for entering, and good luck!
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Thanks ...
but if I take out soft, it doesn't sound right to me. I think it throws the meter off.
I've thought of having this set to music, but so far haven't found anybody who writes music and wants to have a go at it. -
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If it sounds better to you, then it sounds better to me too
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I love it. This flows like a warm mellow mead. Great stuff. sj
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Thanks for the kind words. -
good
that was good. every line rhymed perfectly keep writing and good luck in this contest! -
This is all that a good rhyming poem should be. A beautifully crafted piece, as a lover of rhyme a pure pleasure to read Thank you and good luck in the contest
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Brilliant work here.Weaved together extremely well and did not at all sound forced.Flowed smoothly and the rhyming was great.Thanks for entering and best of luck
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And moonlight glancing off her hair
...and that's just delectable. Grand little piece, here
.
- Cor -
Man, now THIS is where rhyming is amazingly brilliant.
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Actually, you spelled rhymes correctly, but there is an alternate spelling as well: rimes. However, most people use the preferred spelling.
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I am a sucker for any piece that is titled in French. I study the language, and love it.
Anyways, this was another fine showing of your talent and magnificent work in form. I really am impressed, and am pleasured to read from you.
-- Justin -
I could sooo get laid with this poem. Oh cmon, we all do THAT on occasion. This really sparkles! Perhaps it's time for me to take on rhyme again. It keeps creeping into my free verse and beat stuff anyway. It's just that I can't do it like this. The rhyme and meter are perfect, dang you.lol.I jest in defence of the feelings stirred by this glorious homage to a lost love.
The bittersweet rememberence and trancendental/natural tone is well served by the melioudius nature of this when read aloud.
Your poems never fail to remind me to write as the spoken word.
The people at my recent readings owe you a thanks for your influence in that regard. Now if only I were reading yours instead of mine.lol. -
awwwww well i hope you had a wonderful life back in the day and i hope you still have a great one to come
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I'm 60 years old, my dear. I'm the only one mentioned in the poem still living.
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Ah, but there are a lot of great love poems in French. You don't know what you're missing.
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this is very beautiful and sweet. was there anyone inparticular you dedicated this to? if so she should hear it, im sure she would just fall into your arms. yes this poem did deserve being published as many times as it has so congratulations!
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When I clicked on this, I was so hoping it wasn't going to be in French! Much to my relief...
Anyway, this is just the type of lovely and heart wrenching tear jerker I need to give my eyes a good flushing, after facing the emotional week from hell. Wonderful stuff my friend, best of luck in the contest with it! -
I have other "love poems" posted here, if you want to check some of them out.
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Wow, I can see why this would be published! The rhymes in this piece flow so nicely together and make this love poem all the more enjoyable to read. I'm really not one to read love poems, but this piece has changed my mind on them, and I really hope sometime I can find another love piece that can come up to the standards of this one. Good job and good luck
Meg
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This is really good i like it alot and i think you did an awesome job on this!! I love the writing scheme and i think you did an awesome job its awesome i feel speechless! good luck in ur contest!
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"Bonds of love entwined in wonder..."
What a wonderful image! I have always viewed love with a hint of wonder; it makes it easier to realize how precious it is.
The rhyme scheme is sweetly simple; it's one you often see, but rarely with this degree of writing skill attatched to it.
I love your writing, and I intend to read more of your work.
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excellent
A talented poem of love and wisdom. Excellent in expression and it had an honest flow. A very simple poem yet saying such a lot.Well written and thank you for sharing . -
excellent
beautiful poem it really got to me i was excited to see the french int here that really shows how much potential u really have u have such amazing talent it is so unbelievable the title explained all the french tough greta write write on this was truly good i fell in love wit it it was a mazing u have true potential for writing good job it was fantastici am never dissapointesd from the talent u put out to be great great great great great job i ma proud -
Beautiful poem... I was actually expecting a little bit of French in there... the title did drag me there mainly... but overall I'm not disapointed, that what we expect from such a talent like yours... well done
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Beautifully penned, exquisite poetry.
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I like this poem. The rhymes were brilliant! Not forced very good flow!! It was very creative and I think that you did an excellent job!! Keep it up!!
**Ariel** -
Beautiful. I loved this piece. It flows so nicely. It all fit very well. Wonderful job and good luck in the contest!
~Fiona~
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This is beautifully penned. You words flow gracefully and elegantly across the page. You have penned a wonderful love peom. I enjoyed reading it a lot. Good luck in the contest.
Smoochie
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Very nicely written from the words to the emotions..everything was just prefect together..you have a lot of talent Jim..good write
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this is beautiful. the structure is beautiful and the rhyme is perfect. it flowed extremely well. well done and good luck!
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