I remember blurting out,
something about the
things I am afraid of.
So I,
(in the comfortable state of being in your arms)
stood up and
tried to redeem my words.
And that look in your beautiful green eyes.
(re-tracing the sunlight)
Now, remembering how I'd stay up late,
and how I tried to re-collect my steps through sad,apathetic songs.
(I was just trying to lose my habits)
So that I wouldn't have to walk another way.
(and be haunted by my
footsteps walking away
from you in another
panicking, shaken fashion.)
Author notes
Something differnet than i am uned to writing. its from a little notebook, i have have been writing in, instead of AP. I thought this was good enough to share. but maybe thats just my wishful thinking.
Written February 13th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I really liked this! I love the style you used, very different and unique. Very nice!
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No, i did not...
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I'm sure this made perfect sense to you as you know what was the kernel of thought behind it. It seemed a bit dreamlike to me--something that walked in circles back to its begining and circled once more. It's not a bad thing at all, just what I saw. Did you save grace? Just curious...
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Nicely done. You've given your readers the slight glimpse of your own thoughts blended with actions - all surrounding someone that is obviously cared about.
You did a good job of capturing that with your words and form. Nicely done. -
THis is really good ....(Anna?) dont know what to call you but that poem was good
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This piece gives a happy feeling of warmth, yet there is an underlying colder current. Inner pain on the outside kind of thing, I think...
Peace. -
I enjoyed this sis I think you did a really good job it was so quiet and personal ( i think ) .
~jazz -
I really liked this. The writing technique and form were something different than I am used to reading. I love the story it told and your words were well penned and not overly done. Thanks for sharing this. I will have to look at more of your work when I have more time. ~*Amy*~
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aww thanks Katlin. I dont think I spelled your name right again. Darn. lol
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Wow, (anna?) (you don't mind if I call you that do you?) This a wonderful poem. I dissagree with that guy UP there, I like the brackets!
Your writing is such a wonderful thing to read. Sometimes I can't wait for one of your articles in the school newspaper. (This may be creepy )but I admire you for being you, and not being shy. Keep up the great work (anna?)
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Definitely good enough, and more. Some of the technique is different from your usual, but the theme and the voice are clearly yours. I like the parentheticals... my own reality is often best conveyed in exactly that fashion; I never think without asides or explications or parallel thoughts. This captures that process and sounds like the you we are getting to know through your poems.
This was well done. -
Can you open your notebook more often?
This is very good Arinette, it was like reading a page of your mind. Thanks for bringing it to us!
SB -
o...m...g... SUCH A GOOD WRITE! keep it up! - lulu
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Bravo
Great write, not much I can really comment on, but great write just the same. Bravo -
Great!
Really good write! I like this one a lot. It reminds me of my sweetheart in a way that I can't explain. Oh well, two thumbs up to you, and keep writing stuff like this, in this style. I truly worked for you. -
"Cowards die many times before their deaths;
I really felt this poem. It's got a great way of touching the reader, in my opinion. Don't ever put your poems down or yourself. Don't every think it's not good, or anything. There is no good poem, or bad poem. They all come from the heart, and it takes time to try to say what you're saying, especially when trying to rhyme. But I loved this poem! -
Wonderful poem
I like this... for sentimental reasons. Reminds me stylistically of where I have been with my writings. Brings a bit of nostalgia with it. I like the "internal" dialogue, with the subject being silent. I like the "quietness" of the poem and the honesty. Beautiful expression. -
Excellent work i liked it alot it was very good keep on writing
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I think it's good enough to share, as well.
So I,
(in the comfortable state of being in your arms)
stood up and
tried to redeem my words.
...spot on. The added part in brackets was placed in such a way that it was uncomfortable to read, seemed to go on for an akwardly long time, as you were in their arms.
Excellent, well done
Mellor x
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well I don't think that it was wishful thinking...I really liked it! To be honest, I didn't really like it that much when I first started reading it but it definatly grew on me. It was a really good legnth without becoming long and drawn out or ending too abruptly. I think that it potrayed your emotions really well, and you got your point across very nicely. The rhytm is alittle choppy but your words are beautiful. Keep it up
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This is totally worth sharing!!!! I completely agree with Annessia; that's most definately my favourite part of the poem!! I read it and thought "wow, that's so.. human." Excellent write!!! I'm glad you chose to post it.
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I loved this so much! It's so meaningful, and personal. I'm glad I read this, thanks for sharing.
I remember blurting out,
something about the
things I am afraid of.
So I,
(in the comfortable state of being in your arms)
stood up and
tried to redeem my words.
That's my fav. part~! GREAT JOB!
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spilled thoughts in scattered verbs and adjectives, that stain another soul or widen the eyes of a love to be, and oh, how does one wipe up the spoken that has broken a tie between two, without awkward fumblings and mumblings, better to just smile and say it all was a tease....Artis
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sweet thanks for the appladu Aub! Love ya!
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Anna! I love you!:-)
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GREAT POEM
Hi there, this surely is a great poem, well written thanks for sharing it with us all, great read, keep on writing. 
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