Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Three Hymns from Iraq

THIS IS A POEM IN THE "BESTIAL SANCTITY" SEQUENCE


Missing image


(1) HYMN FOR THE FALLEN

My country 'twas for thee
The troops got dysentery
In ole Iraq.
We were all pumping shit
Man, we were full of it
There was simply no end to it.
And then we died.

Missing image

 

(2) HYMN OF THE FEMALE WARRIOR

I vow to thee my country
With a really loud YEE-HAH
Entire and whole and perfect
The contents of my bra.
My tits may not be pretty
My ass a little big,
But I yield them in thy service
And also my new blond wig.

Missing image

 

(3) THE MORALLY MANGLED BANNER

Hi folks, say can't you see by the dawn's early light
The body bags piled high on a military flight?
The coffins are laid out, under stars and stripes flags
And inside each coffin you'll find two bodybags.
In the bars of Montezuma, under Baghdadi date trees
Yank soldiers have been fighting their Pyrrhic victories
Uncle Sam's body lies a-mouldering, decomposing, in his grave
In the land of the greedy, the home of the brave.




Author notes

The pattern is a serious intro hymn (most will probably recognise the basis); the second hymn is a bit of light relief; the third item is the one you will all REALLY like.

If you found this droll, try: www.allpoetry.com/poem/1064569 ; on the other hand, if you were in any way offended, please read www.allpoetry.com/poem/1056817 and you will be even happier.


Written February 11th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 112     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Jfd
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    I can't say i found this to be very tasteful, though I appreciate you tackling such a heavy subject matter....everyone is entitled to their opinion.....thanks for taking the time to enter!


    • Edna Sweetlove
      February 4
      Edit | Reply
      It's tasty, it's cute, it's fun, would you like me to recommend a barber? There's this guy, Sweeney Todd............................


  • BlueEyeWonder1988
    August 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    it's humourous in it's own way...

    brings me a smile to read and gives thought. I like it. But it's a honor to read. goodluck in my contest. keep writing.


    • Edna Sweetlove
      August 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It is an honour to win the gold prize. No one is more surprised than I.


  • Nothing But No
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love your ability to write pieces that piss people off to levels where they must argue about it with you, the writer. Not only did I enjoy this piece I also enjoyed the back and forth between you and the ignorant Americans [ I'm assuming Americans ] who defend their right to kill for nothing [ or oil. ]


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The people that you disrespect are the ones protecting your right to free speech. Keep them coming. They defend your right to do so.

    • Edna Sweetlove
      February 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I totally fail to see how the invading and murderous US military forces (aided and abetted by the numerically fewer but less brutal British) who have destroyed Iraq are in any sense protecting my right to free speech. If you believe that you are out of your head.

      • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
        February 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I would have been shocked to see any other comment from you. While I expressed my opinion on your attitude, you sank to insults on my sanity. Name calling is often the last refuge of the uniformed.


        • Rheea gold member
          November 4, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          some day we shall put her/him in a bag and send her to live in Iraq they will adore this nasty person.In fact lets just bag up the whole nasty group of these what ever they are I do not think they even know. I think we could handle it they are all mouth =) Fly above them my friend you are so much better.

        • Edna Sweetlove
          February 7, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Listen, birdbrain: I did not ask you to come and be insulting on my writing, did I? You came along uninvited and wrote a load of RUBBISH about "defending rights to free speech". I really could not care 2p about what your mindless fascist opinions are, so get lost and kindly keep away from me. I laugh at the dead "allied" (95% yank, 5% brit) soldiers who come home in bits.


  • Gods-Artgal
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great song.
    What were you thinking when you wrote this?
    How did you feel when you wrote it?


  • Bizharro
    February 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the rhyme here, and the second hymn was by far the best.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Yup some more little rhymes of very realistic origin, or at least in my mind anyway. Particularly liked second from last.

  • Cjm
    July 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent .... Still think my "Forbidden Love" would have whipped yopur arse though mate


  • I swashbuckler OK
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Now this is more like it like. Three pages of debate in the comments. The Star Spangled Banner rip-off was awesome. Not sure where I stand about soldiers, I mean this war is wrong, most wars are, but without the military there would be more death and I like to think if someone invaded old Blighty we would be defended.

    • Edna Sweetlove
      July 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      "Without the military there would be more death" ????

      That seems illogical to me, pet; I mean to say, without the military there would be no fighting, would there? The Poles and Lithuanians would just march up the Scotswood Road, take away all the slagheaps (apart from the ones in the discos) and occupy the empty shipyards.

      • I swashbuckler OK
        July 8, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Aye pet it would work if every nation had no army but any nation without would simply be taken over wouldn't it like pet?

  • crosscountry07
    June 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well while i liked the poem for its literary merit, my brother is a soldier who recently was injured and lost a leg and his biggest pet peeve is people telling him its all for naught. He says the biggest problem for the troops is not getting support from home. Becuase you know after seeing the smiling faces and grateful hearts of the iraqi people, if he could get his leg back and go back to iraq knowing he'd lose his leg and his dream of running pro, he'd go again.

    • Edna Sweetlove
      June 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      He would return and lose another leg? I am surprised at that. And why should he expect "support from home"? Why should I support mercenaries going to kill innocent Arabs? He should surely expect ZERO support. Never mind, I believe that the US Army provides good medical insurance. The British Army doesn't, but then we hate our soldiers.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    June 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh,dear poet,you are indeed perhaps the most challenging poet circling cyberspace and though you have reduced the reader to tears before with your ability to wound without mercy I felt compelled to click this after spying it featured.
    That you have a good command of the english language cannot be denied,that you have the same freedom of liberty to free speech,at present,as indeed we all do at ap,gives you the freedom to post poetry with a political point of view and I welcome political debates,but please,please consider that there are many ways to make a point pertinent without being offensive.I do not believe either the USA or the UK should have invaded Iraq.However,the disrespect and disregard you write of with such intensity re their bodies filling bodybags is uncalled for,unnecessary and inhumane.You are aware that many readers have lost relatives and are grieving but choose to dishonour their grief by compounding it.I wish you would consider that far from reaching the politicians and having an impact on them and their decisions what in effect you are doing is hiting with brickbats those already wounded.I am completely alone in my stance,against the war,which has nothing to do with the diabolical tragedy of 9/11 rather the pre planned invasion carried out under Bush junior according to Bush seniors plans ( read the autobiography of General Schwarzkoppf aka Storming Norman printed 1996 ,within this are the battle plans laid down two years before) but am categorically not going to disrespect the soldiers who are laying down their lives for what they believe,these men believe the propaganda,if only you were to target bush and blair,whom along with yourself have no regard for the soldiers either and there is the irony,bush and blair ( nb please don't be pedantic and along with your offensive reply tell me to capitalize their names-neither of the two b's deserve that level of address ) AND yourself are all in fact treating the soldiers the same way,they send them and use them like pawns and you denigrate their loss.I sincerely hope there is a withdrawal of troops asap,that bush and blair are made accountable for the invasion instead of being given huge pensions and 3million pound book deals to swan off into the sunset with and also hope that both bush and blair are made accountable for acquiescing to the terrorists the IRA,please may I remind you that you have used several expletives and insults before within your replies to me and there is no need for either,I have not insulted you but merely asked you to not dishonour the deaths caused by bush and blair which they dishonour.Enough of my rambling,believe me,like you I wish I could summarize!

    • Edna Sweetlove
      June 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I have no respect for soldiers whatsoever; they are paid killers; that is their job; that is what civilians pay them to do: kill foreigners. They are mercenaries and volunteers - no one asks them to "serve" - they know perfectly well the risks, but they seek the excitement which comes with risking their lives. If their families suffer from their deaths, that is the soldiers' own fault for having endangered their lives for money and causing their children to be orphaned. Bush and Blair could not carry out their plans without volunteer cannon fodder. Why on earth anyone should "honour" licenced killers beggars belief.

      The three little poems are a tribute. Thank you for your comments.I am unaware of ever having been rude to you or to having used "expletives" (whatever they may be) or "insults" to you.

      • crosscountry07
        June 20, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        you think that all that soldiers do is kill people? you are very uninformed. My brother was not a killer, he never killed anyone. he went specifically to help with relief missions for the iraqi people. before you go making dumb assumptions, do your research.

        • Edna Sweetlove
          June 20, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          A soldier's job is to kill. He may have other functions occasionally. Why else would he carry a rifle and bullets? Why has he been trained to kill? For fun? Well, probably.


  • Jesus Guides Me
    February 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Be thankful that it isn't any of your family ceased to
    exist during 9/11.
    Nobody can tell me that our soldiers should leave.
    Nobody can think freedom doesn't come at a price.
    You should be more considerate

    • Rheea gold member
      November 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      sweet one talking to this bisexual uncaring person is asking to be hurt. Do not put yourself through it. I care deeply I have sacrificed as many others do and we care. Leave here and never look back at people like this. They will not change and will just cut you to shreds. They have an evilness you can not comprehend .


    • Edna Sweetlove
      June 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Kindly drop dead, or ask a soldier to shoot you, dearest sweetie pie.

  • unknownpleasure
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Yep, very good.
    The first verse is nicely Pinteresque too.
    Kudos.

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I don't find it offensive, it's blatantly honest and oh so true. Loved your representation, beats all seriousness and tears and screams about the situation as individuals can do nothing about it anyway.


    • Edna Sweetlove
      February 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      3rd out of 187 is not too bad I suppose, so I appreciate your discernment!


  • Uhs Feth Malorn
    August 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I may have to give you two awards if I don't get enough other decent entries, though which of your two would get the higher prize I am not quite sure. I love the abrupt ending to the first poem, it really hits home, and the third poem is probably my favourite, because the imagery is fantastic and it is extremely well written. You speak well of the decay of America's prosperity and honour, and though I am probably too young to know much about it, the poems said a lot to me.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    July 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    No, this is funny as it is laughing at people dying for nothing. And it is mocking disgusting patriotism and body bags. Here are another 2 options from my pre-writes: www.allpoetry.com/poem/1427541 or www.allpoetry.com/poem/1452693 .


  • Minstrel Knight
    July 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this, but it's not quite what I'm looking for in my contest. The contest is one for humor, and while I did ask for political sattire as one of the options, this didn't seem all that funny. Not to put it down, but it just seems liks sarcastic sattire and not humorous, there is a difference. So sorry, though I liked this piece it's not what I wanted for the contest.

  • twryder
    July 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent imagery

    We live in the land of the free. Hopefully peace will rule and everyone can live where they want to live.


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    July 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Haha, very brilliant..

    It was effprtlessly and simply, hilarious..


  • Rebel Rebel
    April 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    A serious one.

    Since meeting you in one of your Contests and getting to know you a bit, I will probably read and comment on all the work I see you do here on AP. None of my work is importantly inspired. I do not write about world changing events. I let the other poets do that. A war is like a poem. We make our comments about it. In the end, we can not applaud it.

  • karaharapriya silver member
    April 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    War hurts and war poetry hurts there is no way out. It is a view-point that also has to be expressed whether it is popular or not. But we all walk the thin line when we express raw emotion in poetry. When is it poetry and when is it just raw emotion? I do not know. I am not an expert on either the war or poetry. These poems have intensity and I do not know why I like them.


  • dustookie2
    April 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    nicely done

    the mockery of all of these events is that they are done in the name of a god and religion...yep like you gotta find the irony in it all a real mockery but one by man......good write i enjoyed it...thank you


  • dp robertson
    February 19, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    atlast, one that actually bites- quite frankly, I feel you and I may have been dudded in this

    david

    ps loved all of those

  • NeferMaatNetjer silver member
    January 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    way to go Edna! good stuff.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    [another reply to someone who deleted a silly comment they made]

    What are you confused about? I think they are quite clear. they mock "patriotism" and "heroism" in the course of prosecuting injustice.


  • Image and Visions silver member
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Edna, I reallky don't get the point of these 3, I've read many other things from you, so I am a little confused. I&V


  • cafegroundzero gold member
    December 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Tisk tisk tisk... :% If they only knew

    Edna, I can only say, I forgive you.

    I wish you could go there and see for your own eyes what really goes on. Not that I'm wishing you any harm nor danger, but you really need to widen your perspective.

    Having said that, if you really want to promote peace and end war, you have to convince people that you care about them and what is important to them. I really would like to see the war ended, but satire to me only speaks to those who have already converted to your cause. What we need now is to open up channels of communication. Awwww... did my seriousness put any damper on your Schadenfreude? Nah. I doubt it.

  • Ebony
    December 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    just a cynical sly remark from a historical response:
    when the population is in overkill as it is today we seem to
    end up in a World War somehow,,,,,
    funny hey?.....
    or to make it funnier, we have the end mends to heal all illnesses such as diabetes and cancer cures but until the babyboomers are dead the release of the cure will not be known.
    very strange when I heard the truth of the matters of history from my college professor......

    life can be such a bitch

  • BentDoc
    December 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    I got spit in my eye

    The Halls of Montezuma refers the the Marine Corps victory in the Mexican War 1841. The shores of Tripoli refers to their fight against the Barbary Pirates which were attacking American shipping. The term Leatherneck refers to the hard leather stock that was to Protect a Marines head from getting chopped off by a sword. The name Devil Dog was given to the Marines during the battle of Belleau Wood WWI I actualy "tuefelhuden" The exploits of the Marines and other services changed the world. For better or worse, who can say. The Mexican War was actualy a Imperialist War. How many people should die before a nations leader should be removed? Our death toll yes all combined doesn't match Mr. Husiens, thats fust counting his oun people. I wonder how Iran feels about him? How many people should America watch be murdered before it phisicaly intervenes? Sovreign or not?

    Military women are not whores.

    I'm not a big fan of death,but there comes a time when a Nation a people become culpable for the crimes the watch and do nothing about.

    If you can sort through all of the reasons we went to war and find one that holds water. I believe it must be to help make these people free. I would die for that. I did in a way.


  • nightmareskiss
    December 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ahhhh sarcasm. I love it. Humor in poetry.I think it was an accomplishment to bring about laughter of such a..screwed up... topic. very well done


  • BecomingCold
    November 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Great job here. I completely agree, but even if I got my panties in a twist reading this, I'd still have to admit it was written well and it was a pleasure to read. Thanks for entering again.


  • slender spider
    September 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    And thank goodness for that

  • Edna Sweetlove
    September 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Spider: I am unfamiliar with church services, except as a source of laughter. I too am puzzled by the references to the halls of Montezuma in the American Marines' Little Song: but what the fuck, I only parody, I don't comment. Ooops, sorry, yes I do.
    Edited on Sep 26, 3:08 p.m. because ''.

  • slender spider
    September 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Intelligent and witty, a courageous write, but then dear Edna you've got no lack of courage from what I can tell.
    Back to the poem, I like the use of hymnal structure here, though must admit am not terribly familiar with things sung in church, I think it is damn fitting seeing as there have been so much religious right influence in, well the war in Iraq.

    The second stanza was nice in a fluffy kitten kind of way. Personally, I hope women warriors have more to pledge than their boobs and blond wigs. Hmmm personally I think whips and chains might have been a better slant, especially when considering Lynndie England, and her famous grin finger guns and oh yeah the naked hooded guy attached to the end of her leash. Now that would be some gut wrenching knee slapping piss and tickles!

    The final stanza was delightful in its piggy backing of the 'ol anthem, but then I am at a loss as to what the south american king Montezuma has to do with Yank soldiers, Uncle Sam's or the
    land of the greedy, the home of the brave.

    Montezuma was dispatched by Spanish invaders looking for gold and the fabled land of Eldorado.

    But otherwize, yeah very funny, quite irreverent and yes, I think brave.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    September 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear AngelsOfGod
    I suggest you desist from reading any more of my poems before you have a heart attack. I suggest you stop copying people's poems into the comments box in order to score a few pathetic points. Good night. Also please note I have reluctantly decided to block you from commenting on any of my postings, not that I object to criticism, indeed I like it. But mainly to prevent your scoring points in a most stupid way. I have referred your behaviour to the AP authorities. I note you have now deleted your comment. How intellectual.
    Edited on Sep 26, 2:45 p.m. because ''.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    September 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    As I understand it, the score so far is
    US military dead - 2000
    UK military dead - 100
    Iraqi civilian dead - somewhere between 75,000 and 150,000 (who's counting)
    Madrid train bombing c.250 dead
    London tube bombings c.60 dead

    Well done everyone.


  • Andy Stephenson
    September 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Keep at it!

    More than 25,000 dead or wounded on both sides and they say we are winning the war on terrorism. I ask myself if we are the terrorists. I have a little song called "Have You Looked Into Iraq, Today?". I don't know if you will appreciate it. It has irony, but it is not as rank as your usual work.

  • shamik
    September 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Iraq...sigh...why the bloodshed by Imperialist America(not the citizens but George's Bush and capitalism INC.)...the irreverence to the sancity of life of the people there...the bloody dysentry...well brought out...the poem was funny

  • Kasheera
    August 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done..thanx for entering and keep up the great work!


  • -LizBTropez-
    July 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not much familiar with any type of hymn, much less patriotic

  • Edna Sweetlove
    July 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear NeverGiveUp: stanza 2 is "I vow to thee my country", an English patriotic hymn set to music by Gustav Holst. It is the melody in "Jupiter" from Holst's "Planets" Suite.

  • -LizBTropez-
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I think you provide fair warning to those who might be offended. They have no right to try to censor this- they are FREE to NOT READ IT.

    I'd like to see more of the first one. I happen to like dark humor and parodies



    I'd like to know what the basis was for the second.

    In the third I LOVE this line:
    In the land of the greedy
    because Americans ARE greedy and snobbish about it too!

    I'm not sure if this does fit the contest exactly, but I will wish you luck anyways!


  • cherche -d -ame
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    call me a bit dense this evening....I am not really tearing into your write , however something eludes me...I believe this contest is supposed to be sad poems with a happy ending. I read a certain humor in it, but I am missing the happy or the sad But as I said..." maybe I am having a blonde moment"
    Reenie


  • gothangel
    July 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    now this was a good poem...i really liked it...good luck in my contest


  • Patrick Walz
    May 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Scathing!

    Nice. I'm a Civilian employee at a Combat Support Hospital in Germany. I see soldiers returning from Iraq everyday. Some have missing limbs, some have massive internal injuries, some never make it out of the Wards, and it angers me every time I ask if the ends have justified the means. They have not. What we have accomplished in Iraq was not worth 1700 dead soldiers and countless dead Iraqi civilians. Well written, scathing work here. Thanks much!

  • Edna Sweetlove
    April 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Cher Ecrivain01: I am sorry your ass has fallen off; I hope you will be able to re-attach it. You may be interested to know that a French rightwing politician was recently so insulted by being called a `neocon' in public he is apparently taking his accuser to court for public slander. Since I suspect you speak some French you will appreciate the joke here. Thanks for your comments.

  • ecrivain01
    April 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    intriguing write

    I happen to agree with you in many respects, but not all. That said, this is a hoot. I laughed my ass off. Keep sticking it to the rightwing pricks since they are not good Americans anyway. They are nothing but neocons and their purpose is to destroy America (or at least the Bill or Rights and the Constitution.) I got some really ignorant remarks on my parody of the same song. It is still a free country here (temporarily, until the neocons succeed).


  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Gabbi: Thank you very much! Owen and Sassoon are my favourites.


  • Shamisen
    March 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, this was a fantastic, fresh series (if you could individualise them) of war poems, which also work well as a whole. It puts me in mind of the satirical stance of the great war poets of the first world war - Sassoon, Owen etc. A very well written and thought-provoking write.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear CC: Thanks for your comment. Neither of us know much about war. Thank fuck, no one has bombed our town. Sadly, most Iraqi towns have been bombed shitless. But we don't know or care a fuck. Best wishes.


  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear BS26: thanks!


  • Luciferschild
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    very good poem and i would ignore the comment by darknavyprincess because this poem is a very good one, i happen to agree with it a %100 and even if i didnt this is a good poem


  • CountryCousin
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Half Cain/Half Abel

    Okay I defend your right to say it but you fail to understand the complexities of war. But then on the other hand maybe you do. I read a comic recently in which Beetle Bailey hit the sergeant in the face with a pie. The comment was that the troops in Iraq needed comic relief. Although some of them may be looking for you. Let us put it in that context then.


  • Eternal Rana
    March 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    "In the land of the greedy, the home of the brave."

    That end brought up a good point. Excellent piece of work.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Dark Navy Princess: Of course you have every right to hate a poem. I think I know more about what is happening Iraq than you do but that is a matter of opinion. Ranting about "America" is pretty silly, but you have every right to do so. As someone (well actually an American satirist, Ken Hubbard) said "The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag", as Oscar Wilde said "Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious". and as Lytton Strachey said "To be patriotic, hate all nations except your own". And I recall Noam Chomsky (an American linguistics scholar) commented that patriotism "reduces the population to gibbering idiots". But of course you may well wish to regard all those as evil communists. And "getting my ass kicked" is a not a brilliant sign of intellectual response to a logical argument. Best wishes to you.
    Edited on Mar 16, 2:35 p.m. because ''.

  • DarkNavyPrincess
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Gross

    I'll give you a key to life.. THIS IS AMERICA!! we have every right to hate your poems and think what we want of them and I think Hot-tamale is right!! And your comment on getting stupid women to join is something that will get your ass kicked if you say it to females in the service. I personal Dont like your work and I think you do not know enought about the things happening in Iraq to be writing the things you do!! So do the world a favor and lay off the Gov't and military!!!
    Edited on Mar 16, 12:06 because ''.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Barutha
    I don't quite know what to make of that. I think bestial sanctity sums it up though.
    Edited on Mar 16, 8:38 because ''.


  • barutha
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    bestiality sanctity?

  • barutha
    March 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i came upon a child of god, he was walking along the road. and i asked him: where are you going? this is what he told me:

    its an interesting predicament to have found such a dashing beauty, no caress too opinionated. profound and decadent use of capital lettering i must say, no holds barred it seems. the proverbial fence of reason is broken down by existentialist bullshit, the pretnetious arsehole mugger knows no bounds.

    totally commendable work. word play and love subject really quite attractive to an onlooker. most thourghly enjoyable really. i dont think ive read somethign quite so prim. proper use of dream. no sequence of events too short for this site. brilliantly docuemtned and suggestsed. very good poem, keep it up. yes, good.


  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Hot Tamale. Good response as i love a bit of sarcasm! We don't agree but that's fine! Cheers.


  • jaunty pill gold member
    March 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    This is a simple and short comment. How absolutely true.

    I will read more of your work and properly add another comment , But for right now I just want to reflect on this piece. It is so true. So true in fact , That I will be feeling this one for days.

    Nice work and I'm off to see what else you have up your sleeve.

    Be well ,
    James

  • hot-tamale
    March 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ebeneezer, irony is typically used to convey sarcasm or humor with words that imply the opposite of what is written - I do not see this in this poem. I can see where you may have meant this to be satire, but I do not feel this strongly comes across in the reading. Show your second poem to some women in the military who are trying to get through college to make something of themselves or perhaps to support their kids, and see if they understand that it is political piece.

    Sorry if I associated "tits" and "ass" with women's bodies - silly me. Also, although my comment was not supportive of your works, I did not slam you or your abilities. Your rational response is appreciated.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear hot tamale: I cannot comprehend your comment! What are you talking about? This is a political poem! What on earth has it to do with women's bodies???? The point of the second hymn is that modern PC attitudes have encouraged stupid women to join the army and be treated "equally" and behave as appallingly as men; jesus wept, some people wouldn't know irony or satire if it came and micturated on their leg. Do I have to spell things out like at retard school?

  • leggomyeggo
    March 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This, if I do say so myself, is brilliant. they are so perfectly ironic and sardonic that they are beautiful. You did quite the job, and I enjoyed the first one the most. Congrats on writing three excellently funny poems.

  • hot-tamale
    March 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Not your best

    Perhaps you will think I need to lighten up, but I hate poems that reduce women to objects. Women have much more to offer than their bodies.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Mandaean.

    1) I don't frequent "mens rooms" so I can't comment on what it says on their walls.

    2) You say "many of the lines aren't original". I'd be grateful if you could show me where any have been used before. Few people are genuinely original after so many hundreds of years of written work (and many who are totally original are actually certifiable!). If you can't do so, then I will assume that your implication of plagiarism is withdrawn.

    3)I'm afraid I remember little about the US invasion of Vietnam except that it ended in the Vietcong winning and driving the invaders out. Oh yes, Country Joe and the Fish were quite good; I seem to remember a line which went something like "come on folks, be the first one on your block to have your boy come home in a box", so I suppose that subliminally that may have led me to think of the two body bags per coffin lines in the first parody listed.

    Best wishes, am pleased you were entertained if not inspired!

  • Eric Nunnally
    March 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Nice start

    Entertaining, but...

    I wouldn't consider this great poetry... stuff you might read on a wall in the men's room maybe (which ain't a stab at men's room poetry) Message is clear. That's cool. Poetically it didn't do anything for me, though.

    Many of the lines you use aren't original... I would recommend reading some political satires and pieces criticisng the Vietnam War.

    Nice start, though

  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Please tell me exactly WHAT you are looking for and I'll attempt to write it! I think we have a language problem: "sick and twisted" may well mean different things on different sides of the Atlantic! In the meantime would you advise me to withdraw this entry?

  • lonelyone
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is very well written and was quite enjoyable although i will be honest with you, it was not what I was looking for. I suppose that in a way it is sick and twizted especially when i read the comment from KatSanchez, which showed how stupid our country really is. Thanx for entering and good luck.

    ~lonelyone

  • michase1990
    March 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    My dad being in the military, this poem really moved me...Great way to express yourself! Continue the great work, and may the journey through poetry become an enchanting one...


  • Sau
    March 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You have hit the nail in the bud. I hope that people learn from things and be a little more rational and compassionate in their ideas.
    best wishes,
    Saurabh.

  • moshermiss
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Out of the three poems here I found the Hymn for the Fallen the most touching. Well done.


  • KatSanchez
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written and amusing. Although a lot of the research that I've done indicates that the service members typically stem from poverty stricken neighborhoods. They tend to have fewer options than the rest of society. Since money for education in this country is not evenly divided, the poorer parts of the country have little education so college isn't an option and with most of the industrial or factories being outsourced to other countries joining the military is a reasonable solution. They join to support their families. The saddest part is that those towns or neighborhoods are kept in poverty for this reason. Although that certainly does not account for all service members. There are those extremists that join just so that they can fight in a war. Sorry to go on and on, but my dad joined the service to escape from poverty so I can see this from a different perspective. All of my babble aside, I really did enjoy this.


  • Edna Sweetlove
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Dear dycz: Thank you for your kind words and applause! Much appreciated!


  • dycz
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    indeed , a great satire.!!!

  • Edna Sweetlove
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I will do (but I may well have a name change by then so don't be surprised) - the poem will have the same name and text. WBW

  • Yemassee gold member
    February 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Satire at its best. You might want to enter this in a satire contest that Jantastic and I are having (after this contest is over.) It is a perfect fit! Thanks for entering.

  • honeybe
    February 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    never saw you as an enemy, just as a person with a view piont that i disagreed with.

  • Edna Sweetlove
    February 23, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    There was NO unpleasantness! We were having a discussion and disagreed! One big difference between British & American people is that the former are FAR FAR blunter! I have to tone down my arguments when talking to Americans! Kind regards from a non-enemy!

1 - 99 of 112     1 2  next >  (show all)