if white was dark, and black was white,
The one with inspiration might,
Decide to make things upside down,
So blue is pink and green is brown,
And those who get their colours messed,
Might think that blue is green at best.
I must admit I'd like to know,
If there's a pig that's as green as snow,
Or there's a tree thats yellow and pink,
If that was normal, I might think,
That the sea being blue was rather odd,
But so's a purple clump of sod,
When normally grass is bright grass blue,
And not sky purple to me or you,
When I see the pigs fly by,
I thought it odd that birds should fly,
As they used to years ago,
When the sky was as green as our snow.
And now its cows that float the boats,
With their cowboy hats and flourescant coats,
They go beneath the orange sea,
When I go by they grin at me,
It's now the fish that parade the lands,
With yellow lakes, with purple sands,
The polka dot tigers that roam the tides,
They frighten us off with their ugly hides,
And I live in my circular house,
To eat the cats, I keep a mouse,
That's pink and blue, as big as me,
Coz cat's are small and nasty you see,
So now I really have to go,
My light is summoning me you know,
I'll turn off the bed and get into light,
And wish you all a very bad night.
Author notes
written on one of my more insane moments
Written February 9th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Real Poetry Contest by Oedhel.
525 points, ended October 20, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Results...
Originality: 4/4 Very original.
Rhythm: 3/4 It was a little chopping in some areas but the rhyming saved you.
Wording: 4/4 It was well worded, but I might suggest using uncommon colors like magenta.
Ease of Reading: 4/4 It was easy to read.
Final Score: 15/16 Very nice poem. I enjoyed reading it.
For a more extensive critique contact me after the close of the contest.
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Wow, awesome. I love the rhymes. Thanks for entering my contest.
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psychedelic imagination!!!
hi rach
oh wow... you really put a huge grin on my face the more outragious this got... the more fun!!!!!!!!!!!
"And now its cows that float the boats,
With their cowboy hats and flourescant coats,
They go beneath the orange sea,
When i go by they grin at me,"
they are really quite delightful and i could image cows as big as whales gliding beneathe the waves!!! hehe and weirdly it makes sense because a mother whale is a called a sow or something and her baby a calf... go figure...
the thing that got me the most was the colours.... the topsy turvy-ness of them all is just delightful thanks for sharing... i'm gonna print this out and read it to the kids i look after at the daycare where i work
take care
phil -
I like this a lot, I now have manic grin on my face! Sheesh imagine if this was the real world boy would we be in trouble. This poem somehow reminds me of the poems we used to read at primary school by Spike Milligan. I love this poem, my only critisism is that should "I" be capitals? Anyways great write.
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This is so darn funny, I just keep laughing! I am glad I read this because a good laugh was just what I needed!
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LOL... .... This is a really cute poem!!! It belongs in a Dr. Suess book (except it does actually use real words and makes sense... LOL)... I really like this... The imagery was so great, that I could actually imagine all this... LOL... I'm going to spread the word about this one!!!
Beth -
I likes it, very funny, and a tongue twister at the least!
adequate
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Ahh my brain my brain! Where has it gone now?!!!!!
I must agree with the rest of the comments
But yanno, it would be a pretty cool sonnet
The rhyming of colours at every line
Might as well make everyone insane
Or is that just the way they came
And we're the ones making them sane?
You're the poet, it's up to you
Do what ever the great poets do
Make it silly, make it fun
Just a read for everyone
Great job, SA. Keep it up.
Blessed be,
Kate. -
Twisted...you have quite an imagination. All the colors can be confussing, trying to keep up with it. This is quite cool, if you ask me. You did a really good and intresting job.
-Skyelle -
hehe! I love the way you start with an idea and then make it more and more complicated... Couple of typos- "the see being blue"- sea, and you've written I as in the pronoun with a small i
But, the poem's very good
Keep writing, keep it insane
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Haha! This is great, so funny. I'd never have been clever enough to come up with something like this. The rhyming was brill too! You should be vair vair proud
~ Laura xoxo
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Wow, *looks really amazed* i really like this poem, it makes me think and i like that, i love when i'm challenged. And this poem really challenged my way of thinking. You did an awsome job!
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CLEVER
i loved this poem
it really made me smile
i was very impressed
very good
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