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Desperate




Soprano screams
surround me
like starving wolves
can’t move.

Dimpled arms
wrap around my neck
like octopus tentacles
squeezing until my eyes bulge.

Sticky hands reach and wiggle
always pleading,
pudgy fingers
turn into prison bars.  

My hands become
claws of desperation
pulling at chubby chains,
gasping for air.

Woozy, I stumble
to the window
manage to catch
the tail of a zephyr.

It carries me
above rooftops and mountains
until I freefall
onto a cloud.

Soft white puffs
enfold me  
the world below
seems trivial.

I try to breathe deep
but the air is too thin.
I sink and choke
on cloud-fluff.

Suddenly I tumble back down
where dimpled arms
instantly seize me
by the neck again.

Author notes

This isn't done yet. I welcome suggestions.
Written February 8th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Riftkin gold member
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I try to breathe deep
    but the air is too thin.
    I sink and choke
    on cloud-fluff.


    this touch me the most.

    Riftkin


  • Danna Hobart
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering.

  • Dingdingding
    July 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was kind of funny.

  • RandomInertia
    July 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, parents just never get a day off.

  • Southern Comfort
    July 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is familiar. I often feel like I am getting the life choked out of me.

  • InDiana Somer
    June 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    LOL... I remember when my kids were younger, and them practically squeezing the life out of me too. Sometimes you just want to get away from them.

  • Libra Moon
    June 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I understand the overwhelming of children hanging on you all the time, loving you to death, choking the very life out of you with hugs LOL. It gets better when they get older.

  • Air Head
    May 13, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much. That may be the nicest thing anybody ever said about something I wrote.


  • Halo Kitty
    May 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem. I am glad to see there are a few people out there who can write something personal without feeling like they need to have AB rhyme schemes and cheesey lines. Great job!


  • Lost6Butterfly
    April 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    very well done. I love you imagry you used. this poem pains a clear picture in my mind and makes me feel these strong emotions. I found it hard to breath as i finished this poem, very well done
    -pasti


  • sylve
    April 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I've never read anything about motherhood described so well. The whole write was great but the stanza
    Woozy, I stumble
    to the window
    manage to catch
    the tail of a zephyr.
    is the only one that doesn't run like a normal sentence. Is there a reason why?


  • Oleander
    March 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is very expressionate and I like it a lot, so far it's really good!
    much love
    Angelroses

  • Jonny00
    February 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    I like this poem alot it you emphesis and i enjoyed reading this alot!and look forward to reading more of your poems!good poem

1 - 13 of 13