Got a dime? Not this time!
You're camouflaged in my mind-
Pesky bums, need to work,
Our Victims of Comfort
The winds are howlin'
My bed is warm-
He's under the concrete Hilton,
Part of I-64.
Feed the pidgeons and the ducks-
Not the child with no luck.
Gunshots ring, the pidgeons fly,
Not the child, his day to die.
No tears shed, no heart to hear-
Another one gone, who cares,
Don't help him- not that sort-
Our Victims of Comfort
The redlight Queen is just 15
Two years in this deadly game.
You got twenty, I got plenty-
He's so glad, just like dad.
Needles gave me such a scare,
Ask me now, I just don't care.
I'm dying now- they call it A.I.D.S.
10 years ago I had it made.
No tears shed, no heart to hear-
Another one gone, who cares,
Don't help him, not that sort-
Our Victims of Comfort
Crazy Jane's gone shopping now,
From can to can, what's she found?
Her cart is full, her stomach bare-
That fine suit, he does'nt care.
Snow fell quick, the flame did too-
This Maytag box is not for you.
Jane died that day, in her sleep-
No one there, to morn or weep.
No tears shed, no heart to hear-
Another one gone, who cares,
Don't help her, not that sort-
Our Victims of Comfort
The babe is born, tubes in it's veins,
His Mommy CRACKed his brain.
He's of that sort, he's unaware-
When he's 10, he'll see the stares.
This road is long, this life is short,
The streets are full of all these sorts-
Our Victims of Comfort
Author notes
option#2 society
Written February 7th, 2005
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1 - 8 of 8
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Wow! This poem is amazing! I love how you used classical structure yet in the language you use and the modern issues you confont you make the poem clearly modern. I love the flow and structure! This is the kind of poem I really want to write(modern poetry in classical structure).
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This is very good indeed. This automatically grabbed my attention. Great write and well done. Thanks for entering and good luck.
katy
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Authentic
Hi. I found this pretty emotionally provocative, I see the soul underneath the toughskinned-ness of the words, though it made me sad, but like the title, took me to a reality. Apt title for a write that does just that. Thank you for sharing. -
I wish I could say more than 'wow'...but that's exactly what this makes me say. WOW. So thought provoking...so heart wrenching. Makes you appreciate what you have...and resent the things you didn't realize. I know many of us in this world have huge hearts, but it pains me that so many have frozen hearts.
Kasdaye -
I think the words seemed a little forced.. It was not all the wasy through... just in a couple of places.. I like the title I believe it as a perfect selection.. a dose of reality is what we all need every now and again.... You brought some very real things to attention, that often get ignored...
Thanks so much for entering...
Melanie
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Rhyme scheme is forced and contived. "You got twenty, I got plenty-
He's so glad, just like dad." This line is better suited for a Rap tune, not a poem.
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Awesome!
You are definitlty going to win some trophy! You rock man and if this guy never judges this I'll send you a cookie or a mug that says best grndpa ever! This is great!!!!!!!!!!! -
this was really good.. i have no chance of wining if this is the competition im up against...great job... very well written..good luck in the contest...(your gonna kick my ass) lol...love stac
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