I stand in your bedroom
With my broken valentine
Ribbons and lace
Shredded by your design
You captured me with your seeming innocence
Feigning undying love for me
I knew it wasn't true
But I refused to see
My nature is and was to be consumed by doubts
It must have been some fight
To get me to believe
That you were my redeeming light
You succeeded finally
I trusted you with my fragile heart
No one else compared to you
Then that privilege was torn apart
For your heart you gave to another
Proving the grass is always greener on the other side
I hope she deserves you
I try to keep my thoughts kind
You were the greatest thing in my life
And for you I let this love kill me
Suffering in smothered silence
And I will always belong to thee
I am not staying with you
I must leave
Have a good life with your chosen one
Je t'aime et adieu, mon cheri
Here is my broken valentine..
Author notes
"A dance with you" by stardustedroses
Option #3
Written February 5th, 2005
A contest entry
- ALMOST Anything Goes! Contest:2 by PerfectImperfection.
350 points, ended September 8, 2005, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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soon the world shall be mine!!
yay!! I'm an honorable mention!!! *has acheived a level of greatness that has eluded her before* I am very thankful for the twenty points and the applause. *skips around with her little "honorable mention" plaque in unadulterated, sugar-induced joy* -
wow this was really great. i think you have real potential but i'm not the best judge i haven't been writing for very long but if it means anything i really loved it keep up the great writing. i kinda relate i've been through pretty much every type of bad boyfriend.
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liked the "broken valentine" image, great symbolism, like how u began and ended with it, helping tie them together. nice twist from "broken heart," which is so overused it means nothing, 2 a valentine, which is fresh and creative!
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Awe.....was it chocolates?....very lovely expressed heart...the flow of it took me to the end with anticipations of hope still thriving yet to only end up with a valentine wasted. Lovely piece and your talent shows very much in how you constructed the story.... loved it very much...
Malabu
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Very lovely and beautiful yet so sad. Your expression of feelings are wondeful and so evident. I loved this and your descriptions and creativity. This moved me and touched my heart. Great work on this lovely write.
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This poem is sad yet beautiful and very powerful images heart felt and painfuly one of the best poems I've read here tonight
Brilliantly penned good luck in the contest and thank you for letting me read your work.. -
That was beautiful -- I could just feel the sorrow pouring out of it. There was a very defined flow to it as well. Good luck in the contest!
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Wow, beautiful write...amazingly worded, I can relate very well to this poem..goo luck in the contest and keep up the great writing!
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This is a beutifully written tale of heartbreak... Wonderfully flowing rhyme; with a great sense of detail. Very well penned! Good luck in the contest!!
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Terribly sad...been there myself. You captured the emotion nicely. Great job.
~Keri~ -
Great peom...I'm speechless. I think it was full of emotion and much detail. Excellent job...Keep up the good work.
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OMG i love this poem.....i have felt like that.....keep up the good work
~ashley~ -
i love this poem great job!!! great potential you have!
~*bRiAnA*~ -
nice nice very well written i love your flow thanks for sharing
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very sad...but good. good job with writing this. enjoyed. was worth the read. good luck in the contest..
Blu -
This brought a tear to my eye, possibly because it hit a little close to home for me. I love French so the French was a really nice touch. I loved this stanza:
My nature is and was to be consumed by doubts
It must have been some fight
To get me to believe
That you were my redeeming light
Very nicely written, very sad and sincere. -
This was as beautiful as the ifrst time I read it on a simple piece of paper and still it seems just as wonderous and overflowing with talent. Beautiful write. Keep writing.
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This was a really beautiful & emotional piece that was interesting to read. I really liked the first stanza, it was so descriptive, I felt like I could see your heart/valentine ripped to pieces. I liked your rhyming, but I felt you could have made it flow a little better; other than that, though, I liked this a lot. The French at the end was a nice touch, and I've always felt that French is a Romantic language...no pun intended
Anywho, great write, and thanks for entering our contest!
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