I'm considering...
a sunlit graveyard, new and loved,
in which a hundred or, perhaps,
a thousand fresh-edged leaden slabs
proclaim their painted message
to the world;
a clip-art, or a summary
of one who lived. A name, some dates,
perhaps a simple quote or line
from children, husband, wife.
And then...
Another graveyard, old and worn,
each rounded slab uniquely bland,
each message, washed by countless rains,
obscured and almost lost.
They had their names, their dates, their lives,
and then their lovers, husbands, wives
inscribed a message on their grave
of love and hope denied. And grief.
Their only voice is quiet, now,
yet still a message gently chimes
to trees and sky and opened eye:
they lived and worked and then they died,
and you forgot.
And what I see..?
I see a shop of wood and brick
surrounded by a plot of land
where marble markers lie unmarked
in rows of silent stone.
The people walk without a glance
to left or right to view the place
where soon, perhaps, their name will be
engraved on such a slab as this,
and their whole life be hidden there
between the stark, uncaring lines:
a single name, a date or two,
a passing glimpse of love
that's
gone.
Author notes
Written February 5th, 2005
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1 - 11 of 11
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Heart warming
Loved every moment my walk with you through the grave yard of many souls. -
Wonderful! Though, it does have a certain dismal mood about it, what with talking of graveyards and the forgotten ones whose messages have been "erased." It is a wonderful poem. Great job, write on.
~Nikki -
CA Review:
Well written. I really liked the language you used in this piece. Its simplicity works very well with the subject. There are many good things going on here, that I won't mention ... I think you know what they are.
Thoughts while reading:
"in which a hundred, or, perhaps,"
too many commas! this is correct, but doesn't scan well...
loved the contrast between "a clip art" and your subject
Overall, a good poem. I enjoyed reading it.
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I think you did comment on the poem: most of them were lost in the recent site glitch, though
. Thanks for stopping by again, in any case!
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this is a poem that stares you in the face and declares the conscious mind weak and maleable by touching upon the greatest kind of useless fear, and yet the most meaningful experiance of all - death, or the loss of a loved one. great write
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Sorry, I would have written more, but I have to go, Great write
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Truly a wonderful piece. Great write.
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i dont think everyone saw what i see this poem says. i see how you tell 'life's certainty' is we will all die one day, all parish and a stone will mark where our body lays. you just go more into detail about a persons final resting place which is rarely seen. good job!
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Wow, this is amazing, really. I feel like I JUST read this poem a couple days ago, but i dont see my comment anyways so ima comment on how much i love it again. great job, great poem!
~Kas -
I liked it. But I found myself anticipating words or a certain flow and then finding that's not what was there. I think I'd suggest some revision, if only to work on the flow of the piece and give it some congruity. Otherwise, it's very good.
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This is excellent. It makes you think about the things you take for granted and the things you forget. It was very well thought out and I just really liked it! ~E
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