~cycles of you~
Are you that elusive cloud of yesterday
or the splattering rain today?
An unknown factor in my scheduled life
when I look
I never could see,
like that intangible cloud of mysteries,
that floated in my veiled delirium
as I tossed and turned
under the watchful moon
of yesterday's fleeting
~dream~
Today, you fall from the disguise
in trillions of crystal drops
and still
as I stand there saturated
by the tangible embrace of you
listening,
all I hear is
~silence~
Perhapse
your magnanimous cycle
simply excludes the minuscule
spark of my being.
Perhaps
as you rise and fall from the earth
in that perpetual
endless waltz,
I shall find another
who would
at least
hold the umbrella over me in the splattering
~rain~
Author notes
picture also drawn and copyrighted by me
you can visit my art site at strawberrypockey.deviantart.com
Written February 5th, 2005
A contest entry
- Give me something sad, depressing, (can include love) by Russian Red.
315 points, ended February 17, 2005, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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oh wow, this is really wonderful. Oh and I love the pic(aka the Drawing). This is really good.
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I don't really have much of a reason for the use of ~this~
it's jut basically a little emphasis for the theme, first dream, then silence, then rain -
This is an amazing poem.....wonderfully done
I love the imagery...for it is vivid..and creates strong mental pictures for your readers....really I do love this..and I so look forward to reading your work in the future.
Liz
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GREAT POEM
A really great poem you have written here, keep on penning.
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i like the use of '~', whatever that is, before and after 'rain'. what was the purpose of this? it is effective but im not sure what for. emphasis? why does 'rain' need it? id appreciate if you dont mind telling me.
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wow i like how you put Rain at the end and all those little ending were cool...great job!
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OH THAT WAS A CHEAP WAY OF COMMENTING N GETTING POINTS!!! .....THAT GOES FOR azhreil11
Edited on Feb 17, 7:36 because 'didnt mention who `s comment'. -
BEAUTIOUS!
'as you rise and fall from the earth
in that perpetual
endless waltz,'
Your vocabulary is exquisite! Simply tantalizing! You're too good and your drawing is fabulous! Much love...
Cheers!
<3 Jesssss
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Wow! This is awesome! Jess told me (ag) that u had ur own account on hear but I never had the chance to ask u for your name!! Too bad we dont have any classes together ne more!! I miss the good old times!!!
Ur writing is amazing! Very discriptive I LOVE this part,
I never could see,
like that intangible cloud of mysteries,
that floated in my veiled delirium
as I tossed and turned
under the watchful moon
of yesterday's fleeting
~dream~
Very discriptive an beautiful! I hope do well in your contest!
---Ruffian (ag)
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Well done on this piece...I liked the flow and the words you used. Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Countrybabe
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darn!!! I can't believe I forgot >0< such a shame...
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I just noticed you never put "all hail the heartbreaker" in your comments, so I say with much regret you are disqualified
Damn. I really liked this poem, too. -
That was a really amazing piece, seriously. I knew as soon as I read the first two lines that it was beautiful, and it only got better as I read on. I liked how you made the rain a metaphor, it was an interesting way to look at heartbreak. The descriptive words you used were great, they really helped me see it, and it was a beautiful picture! The ending was good, I liked it, and overall this was a great write! Thanks for entering, & good luck!
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wow...kristel.....
........
you sound like you don't get it!!! *cackle*
-_________-
ah... well yes, it's about a realization, whether it's that some one or another
but no, it has nothing to do with that picture, I haven't got any inspiration to write about that one yet >M< -
beautiful
Wow. I'm speechless. This was such a beautiful piece! The wording and the ending left me dazzled. You've truly captured the emotion and reminiscing involved in giving someone up to choose another. Amazing job. Keep up the great work!
peace and love
claire -
okay..................
does dis poem have sumtin to do with d drawin dat u had about at least holdin d umbrella wen d lies fall from d sky?
under the watchful moon
of yesterday's fleeting
~dream~
by the tangible embrace of you
listening,
all I hear is
~silence~
............
d ending was great..........
especially since it also heralded d end of waiting and d start of moving on...........
rainbow after d rain..........
truth after d lies............
happiness after d pain
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