He danced through life as if on cue
Each step another task,
But then one day he searched his soul
And couldn't help but ask:
"Is what my heart is bleeding for
Beyond what hope can give?
Can not I give unto myself
Reason enough to live?"
The silence echoed truth enough
To answer his dark plea...
The loneliness turned him into
Inconsequential me.
Author notes
Mastering Meters: Assignment #2
Written February 4th, 2005
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent poem and I see the other fine poet has written on this page in comment as well. You have a lot of emotion in such a short poem. Great flow and metertoo. Excellent metaphors and personifications. Best wishes and
s... ~genielassie~
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Again with the wow. I usually willpick out the part of a poem i like best in a cmoment, but that would involve copy/pasting this entire poem. I really really did enjoy this, it was beautifully rhymed.
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great job once again.
i love the rhythm and the shift in perspective.
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I'm amazed.I really can find no words to explain to you why I like this poem.I wish I could, but I can find no words to tell you, except great job.I love this.
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AAA+
Well, to be honest I viewed this work by accident. Glad I did though. Short but very profound. I'm not all that much on abiding by the "rules" of writing poetry, but the flow of good meter does have its positive effect. "Inconsequential me...." A wry smile that brings. Fittingly perhaps, it's a great summation to the feelings you express. Matters not so much that we at times feel humble and small. One of the times I believe we feel the greatest relief is the moment we can stop crying. Such an infinistimal increment of time in between. I liked this work very much. bushmandread
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Thanks!
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superb, as always
I love reading your work and again I am not disappointed. The ending you give is remarkable and I am still learning the basics of poetry so I'm not really sure what meters are, but the rhyming is excellent. I just have one suggestion, the first line, 'He danced through life as if on que', the meaning of que that you have put is spelt 'cue', but this doesn't detract from the poem itself at all. -
And even though he lives each day
As though he were content
The longings dance upon his heart
Without his own consent -
And cast aside all thoughts of hope
For hope's a childish thing
"I do not need authority"
"Or touch divine wings"
And though he'd given up on God
And passed it all, "a whim"
Through eagerness He put in one,
God ner' gave up on him.
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"Is what my heart is bleeding for
Beyond what hope can give?"
There is no such place.
Love -
Cor
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