Passed out.
Lays a confused soul.
Spread across his desk.
With his face down right in center.
Blood mixed saliva crawling from his skin cells to paper.
Smearing ink like a dictator commiting genocide to countries.
Life is a well written poem.
But with many emotions.
Destroying the fine print the world created.
Our creator awakes from his life draining slumber.
He studies the black and blue ink smeared across fine lined paper.
On the fine lines he scrolls his fingers across his creation.
Reading the people,places,and what he can make of.
Feeling disapointed he trys to cover mistakes.
Filling gaps with comfort and problems with solutions.
Realizing how proud he must be.
He frames his hard workafter three days of building.
Author notes
Pretty much this poem metaphores god creating earth.
Written February 4th, 2005
A contest entry
- Give me your best by persephone grey.
400 points, ended March 22, 2005, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wasted time? by Talitha777.
1000 points, ended December 21, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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Interesting. I am not sure what I think about it. Contemplation will tell. You do have quite a few grammatical errors. It would greatly enhance the reading if you corrected them. Some of your comparisons do not feel right. They just do not fit, metaphorically speaking. It muddies the thought. Thank you for sharing.
Edited on Mar 29, 5:02 because ''. -
Exccellent
hey i liked this alot aswell as your other work you have talent dont lose it or throw it away
!! comment back on some of my work it would be greatly appreciated !!
"Between you and I ending this kiss is like a death wish with knife in hand i'll stab you one time just to hear you scream , scream in agony" The Writen Farewell
i noticed you and i write and think alot the same thos ^^ are lyrics from my band
well best wishes
Brandon, -
What can I say.I get bored of the original bible version.lol.
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hmmm... interesting. VERY interesting. i liked it. it was different. good work. keep it up.
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