Name: Kryspin Langlois
Adress: corner of walk and don't walk
number to be reached at: 411
email: spindicated@hotmail.com
objective:
to obtain and maintain employment at your facility (without injury or loss of limbs/ and or consciousness)
QUALITIES
hardly worker, friendly (unless cranky), prefers fridays/saturdays/sundays/mondays off, good looking, excellent sleeper, wicked awesome communication skills, tone deaf, best fighter in all of the area (fisty cuffs and/ or weapons master).
OTHER IDENTITIES:
jim bonded
anita bath
rusty shakleford
manfred the wooly mamoth
previous experience:
2005-2004
casino operations
position held: manager
reason for leaving employment: could no longer hold manager...getting too heavy
2005
solicitor of fine herbs
position held: dealer
reason for leaving employment: arrested
2004-2003
photographer
position held: photographer
reason for leaving: ran out of film
HOBBIES
sitting alone at camputer, downloading porn software and hardware, nose picking and flicking, vandalism, violence, connosuer of fine hand lotions, making fart noises and farting, collecting exotic inflatable pinneapples (aka marital aids...minus the marital), tylenol crushing, random outbursts of spontaneous spitting of various fluids into cornflakes. drinking anti freeze on a cold day (after all it says anti freeze..duh)
SOCIAL SKILLS
lacking, however willing to communicate with the living on a semi monthly basis...
also willing to sacrifice small animals to appease the boss.,.. as well as sacrifice my intergrety and dignity for low paying promotions.
VOLUNTEER WORK
haven't done anything voluntary except pee in a cup
references: available when able to locate...restraining orders still binding as well as difficulty locating due to relocations done by law and identity changes...
Author notes
im obviously qualified to do EVERYTHING ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH BECAUSE IM SO GREAT, ME ME ME! LOL
I am a creative and obedient poet
Written February 4th, 2005
In a list
- comedy • next in list
- my favourite poems by authors on AP • next in list
- Trophies silver • next in list
- Trophies bronze • next in list
- Stroke the Ego • next in list
A contest entry
- The Creative Poet by steelvenom.
500 points, ended April 12, 2005, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Love this!!!!!
Cass -
haha thanks. sometimes i even scare myself.
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hehe! this is sooo funny..
i have no idea where you can come up with this!
i loved all of it...
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I'd hire you in a second
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hired? fired? same diff!!!
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam rights!!!!!!!!!! but the photographer who quit coz they were out of film.... that's a funny one!!! heheheh well how does fisty cuffs & weapondry work for a job skill set in anything other than the mafia? ohhhh retail!!! that's a good thing tben!!! are you givin me lip old man? smack... next??? and farting noises and farting are different somehow? good grief... that sounds guyish... i love it!!! i'd hire you!!! good grief i gotta rewrite my resume... can i put most of my references have a restraining order on me?? that would be amusing... ohwell... good stuff you funny one you
cheers
phil -
Humurous, mostly
For what this is worth, this is quite amusing. I'm not sure what else to say about it, other than it's funny. So, it's pretty funny. -
hmmm...this was interesting and funny
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dear god what is this? lmao i dont think anyone even came remotely close to what you wrote here-this is pretty much exactly what i wasn't looking for (which actually is a good thing in this case)
lol the skeletons on the side add an extra demented touch, this is really clever for so many different reasons.... -
hahahahahahahaha!!! i may have to go and change in a second i nearly pee'ed my pants reading this. such a breath of fresh air from all the murder poems, scary poems, i love you/love me/she/he/woteva poems. just something that literally has me rolling about on the floor weeing my self laughing. well done! x
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Hilarious! I love it! Bravo!
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That was friggin' awesome! You friggin' rock!
Friggin'! Friggin'!
Friggin'! Friggin'!
Friggin'! Friggin'! Friggin'!
Such a strange word... It makes no sense. I love it. Like I love your resume.
-Friggin' Kal! -
Lol. That's great.
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i can recommend some of my other writing if you want to laugh some more!
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o0o0o0h wow thanks!
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hey well, im glad you enjoyed it...mind you im not a teenager anymore..! LOL im an adult, young adult
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You are a god.
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O.o Whoa! Talk about a wild resume! It was pretty funny. Thanks for sharing.
^_^
~Grace
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What a blast fun fun fun .
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This was great. No it was better than great, it was absolutely fantastic! I liked the bit where you had to leave job as manager got too heavy to hold! so funny! A very original and fresh idea, makes us all wnat to do a personal resume I think.
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Hilarious
LOL HAHA Kryspin, this was awesome. I especially liked the photographer paragraph!! hahaha incredible! This was one of the funniest things I've read on this side! Good job! -
OMG Kryspin this rules! You have got to be one of the funniest people I know in this place! This so totally rocks!
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I sometimes enjoy reading this sort of page – and assume they must be written by teenagers. But then I find myself worrying over whether they will ever find meaningful employment when they grow up – And then I begin seriously worrying about what they will be doing when they reach retirement age – and who will look after them . . . And that is when I regret reading the page in the first place . . . life is really tough !!!!
Ps. The one real bright spot in this resume was the fact that it didn’t have any swearing so I applaud it for that alone . . -
lol, this wasa funny, thasnsk for sharing
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lmao! All I got to say about this one.... nice. Heh, it describes you SO well! I love the previous experiences!
I'd hire you... but don't you already have a job?? Editor/Founder/Creater/Reporter of Spindicated?????? 
You're not leaving us are you? No? Good. 
Keep kickin ass and changin lives,
Kelso~ -
I LOVED IT!!!! It was weird in a really fun way!! Outstanding, and such a simple idea. Great job!! Keep up the great job and keep in touch. ---Later--- Parearoo
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just the job lol
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL that was friken hilarious! i burst out laughing! now I wanna write a funny resume toooooooooo!!
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PerfectResume!!!
LOL... Ha...you're great...I have to go, I'll comment later...I'm laughing too hard...and well...Lol...
Bugs & Phishes
AngelSnot... -
2004-2003
photographer
position held: photographer
reason for leaving: ran out of film
I lost my last job as a photo-grapher for the same damn reason. LOL When when they ever understand that you can't take pictures if you have no film, unless of course you're a sketch artist or some foolish thing like that. LAMO
This is great! It made me realize that I should not take my two page vita so seriously. Good luck job hunting with this doozy! Lamo
Renee ♥ -
This is priceless and just what I needed as a breath of fresh air at the moment. You had me in stitches giggling. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I truly appreciated the wonderful read.
♥ Kimberly -
hahahahhahahhaaaa thats soooo awesome!definetly got a laugh or 10 out of that even with my face of stone over the past 2 days. that was so cool.
awesome job!
~Kas -
10 minutes between college classes.
i had just finished typing up an actual resume for one of my friends which was filled with errors (cuz he's not so bright) i thought i could parody a resume and have fun with that -
hahaha, it wa shilarious.... such intelegance... umm... how much time did you have on your hands here? but it was fricken hilarious.
~alisha~ -
thanks im glad you got a kick out of it
really appreciate you popping by! -
LOL! I got such a kick out of this. This is a fine example of a resume. I should try this the next time I go look for a job... should I ever be inclined, which I likely wont because I hate people. So yeah, this would work wonders!
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This was soooooo funny OMG!! I loved the casino job....that made me laugh out loud and red wine go up my nose!! This is awesome
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LOL awesome glad you laughed!
i think im good at that sorta,,, asides collecting strange objects and fluids -
LOLOLOLOLOL
collecting exotic inflatable pinneapples (aka marital aids...minus the marital), tylenol crushing, random outbursts of spontaneous spitting of various fluids into cornflakes.
LMFAOOOO...oh christ this was just TOO cute and clever! As a HUGE fan of these tongue-in-cheek kind of humor, you certainly made me chuckle in no little amounts...plus it's also Friday so it's like EXTRA humorous! LOL But yeah, this was just some fuckin' funny ass shit, and I'll tell you now that I was the one you sent this to, I'd hire you in a malt second!
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