Today someone is playing dusk
As dark as my father’s eyes
That stare stoic and unlighted
Through wicked echoes
I once played this tune,
Just before he drove me to Maryview.
Unshod and tangled, I was dinner in silk
And they all knew it.
But nothing was greater than your touch,
Your hard keys pressing my fingers,
Raping this child of her notes
I know it, because I wanted you also.
I wanted you to crawl inside of me,
Madly sing me like a tragic mother,
Letting me touch her voice, the one
I swore I’d grow into.
But now you, my wooden boot
Sit so old and pretty, so lonely, that
I’ve become an octave of woman
Burying you within her memory
Unforgivingly.
Author notes
Written February 2nd, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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dark.
knowing quite a few of the talented finger race of piano players myself, i can only say that this is a really dark way to look at an instrument of music. I suppose if one has bad experiances early in life one gets a warped sense of the beauty a piano can produce, but...to each his (or her) own. I guess it's good, but not one of my favs. -
thanks mysty,
and yeah i thought that line
was more obvious, my wooden boot
a sure plath inspiration
...however i dont want to sound too overdone
anyway, this was basically a sketch,
the poem needs way more revision, and editing
thanks for reading doll
it always means the most to have you comment
lol i know that sounds dumb
but it is very true
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AAA+
Leaves me considering all the things you did not say. In my experience, poetic expression is most satisfactory when the raw feelings can be well twisted and worked to fit the lines we wish to describe. In that, you have done a masterful job of twisting and working here. I'll try to remember to look for more of your work.....when I am not being twisted and worked.
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Wonderful poem, I love the picture as well. I think it adds to the imagery of this work of art.
Great work keep writing -
wow!
I really, really liked this poem....it was such a stunning way of potraying your powerful message...a very powerful piece! -
Truly lovely
Wow.. I can't possibly say anything others haven't. I find this has a hint of darkness to it; Or perhaps I'm just reading to much between the lines and imagining things lol, Either way.. This is a lovely write and you truly do have a skill for poetry. I like the way the flow is; And also it's sort of unique.. Wonderful write
Frances Lynn -
Beautiful!
I love the way the title and the poem interact! The piano as a living entity...brilliant! I love how the image of a childhood and a father are evoked by hearing a piece and how the piano takes over the role of father, and lover almost...
"nothing was greater than your touch,
Your hard keys pressing my fingers,
Raping this child of her notes"
It expressed pain and pleasure, a passionate yearning that goes way deeper...I know how musicians ca have this living, almost physical relationship with their instrument...not surprising, considering one expresses your soul through music!
The picture is a great bonus!
Well done!
Cheers! -
This blew me away this morning...I'm not sure what I expected but you threw me with this write...Your perfect and precise use of imagery and metaphors is superb...Your story you told ran deep...Very deep...The artwork...There you made me smile...Perfect for the piece and yet it lightens it just a bit, the perfect blend. Very well done!
Victoria Lin -
WOW... This is an awesome write... I think the piano was a very good metaphor!... The picture just adds so much to the poem...
... Very deep and dark... But also awesome!!!
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This was a really good poem how you used a piano as a metaphor, and the picture goes along well with the poem. Deep and dark, and it had a lot of meaning. Loved it.
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Good
Wow this poem has alot of meaning. It seems so sad. But yet a wonderful poem. Thank you for you. -
great poem
hi there how are you? this is a very well written piece of work, keep on penning.
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Very interesting use of metaphores a great piece thought out with intelligence, nice flow, shades of sad and dark, which add interst to this poem.I found this a great piece,it was facinating and kept my interest.very well done, all the best
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positivly spiffing my good fellow!
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woooowwwwww this is beautiful!!!!!!! excellent! I love all the imagery! the picture's cool too...well great job!
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what can i say that others havent... great job
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im sure i noticed some dark undertones. quite dark. it maybe just me. very well done, efficient writing skills of utmost.
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wow... i'm beyond impressed!
i would call this a work of art. like a painting i need to look over time and time again to absorb it all.
i felt sadness, disapproval, yearning and desire... all mixed up.
i applaud the poet and her poem! -
My wooden boot ..very much reminds me of Sylvia Plath ... this is sad... I donno, Makes me think of the sound of a piano differently somehow.
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ohhhhh....and this is why you are my muse dearest.
simple-provocative-heartfelt-and above all,
masterfully and powerfully written..like it just flows so natural from your pen's tip~
I am never ever dissapointd~
I just love you~jag -
this is beautifully written, heartfelt poetry. when somebody pours their soul into their words it is evident. this is one of the very few that do so. there are some very complex emotions above which makes for fascinating reading
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Some great images here Ashes. I love the beauty of your somber mellowness. Carry on, trooper.
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