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pieces

i pick up pieces of people in the street
quarters of conversations
corners of eyes
furtive connections
quickly disqualified

i try to pick up the pieces of me
shattered like glass
thrown aside
to be collected
like so much litter:
                        a life--

i inspect while i step over a broken
bird's body, missing its beak
lost between the pavement
and the wall
in the moss
and the wet leaves.

Author notes

aiight.  i'm not sure about the similes that begin and end the second stanza, so, if you have any suggestion they are all welcome.  also, it may not need a simile but it needs to end with :a life, so... keep that in mind.
otherwise this i iight.
Written January 31st, 2005

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Comments


  • Ashley Bright silver member
    February 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    well i can relate
    in alot of different ways,
    and have to say my favorite part was
    stepping over the bird,
    its funny how we walk over the dead
    and feel just right at home
    ..nothing out of the ordinary
    litter. as life.
    i like that alot
    a very unique image
    you rawk


    ashes~


  • milkdrop
    February 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I adore the first stanza and the space between "corners of eyes" and "furtive connections." Really, very nicely done. I read somewhere that observing a dead bird can be a very meditative and reflective action if done properly.
    I'm a little surprised at how much movement this poem has to it, even though its a reflective piece. Its very good.

    hannah


  • procrastinater
    January 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    glass: I got the image of a thousands shards each with individual reflections looking back at me-I liked it
    litter: nothing out of the ordinary, I probably didn't even think

    I like it as it is a lot, but if you just have to change it, you might go stream of conscious and just expand on each thought give me a clearer example a more distinct vision, but I like it as it is.