Great battlements rose by the Syrian sea,
Acre they'll talk for centuries of thee,
On that fateful day on the fifteenth of May,
When Al-Ashraf Kalil ,it's people did slay.
The Caliph his father as if by God's hand,
Lay dead by the walls, in the whispering sand.
Kalil, laid siege with his army so great,
Templars and populace awaited their fate.
Some, but only a very few
To escape by sea, lots they drew
The panic was great,fear of Kalil renowned
And old and young in the sea they drowned.
The Templars fought like lions deranged,
From dawn to dusk,but nothing changed.
Now Kalil to them, no quarter gave,
Not a single soul,that day they'd save.
The son of the Caliph now breached the wall,
Then blood ran free in St.Andrew's Hall.
The last bastion of the Crusaders fell,
The sight of carnage,was a scene from hell.
Young and old ,he spared not one,
Dark smoke covered the rising sun.
The great doors of St. Andrew he carried away,
To adorn the tomb,where his brother lay.
The last battle of Knights Templar was fought on that day.
And in Europe the church kneeled humbly to pray.
A contest entry
- History: BIG events and BIG people by Yorkshire Rose.
450 points, ended August 15, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 56 of 56
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Beautiful rhyme and the historical context is mind blowing, your complex vocab justs adds to this already brilliant poem, well done and thank you for your entry
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Knights of Templar!!! yay!! You rhymed well, i really liked the way you let the story be told without making the rhyme interfere too terribly much. I'm not one for rhyming poetry, usually. but i like this one.
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Not bad. Not bad at all. Good rhyme, poignant imagery, what's not to like?
Good luck. -
You rule! I really mean that. You're a Goddess!
it just so happens that the SCA group I belong to is called the Knights Templar. Our General would LOVE this. Mind if I copy it and show it to him? -
Hi AngelEyes wow that was some critique,all the best my friend and thanks a million, big hug Di
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Brilliance TRUE GOLD
~Inscribed to our beloved masterblaster~
Amazing divine grace, beauty and wisdom
Your song is beautifully penned.
There goes my muse flying out of my body once again.
BEAUTIFUL is your harmony rhythm and rhyme.
I sing O holy templar knight part the pages of my dawning lights.
A Thousand and one applause for the you in you.
I wrap you in my wings and sing i kiss you " a thousand kisses deep.
~XXX, Love Hugs, Kisses, Eternal Peace, to you and yours, Sharron~
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Hi thanks a million, I am a history bug normally on Egypt but I like all history, thanks again, hugs Di
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Ah...the knight's templar...a wonderful subject for a wonderful poem. loving the flow, masterblader...a great job!
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from only what ive read of the first two stanzas this looks like a good good write but nevertheless good luck in my contest
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Wonderful. The crusades certinally were a very prominent part of history, and yet most people don't even know what they are! And yet here you've captured them perfectly, as not only a holy war ((so said the church)) but a bloody, brutal, merciless battle. Wonderful. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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I love stories about the Knights of Templar.
This is not like all of the other stuff that I've read through tonight. This piece genuinely held my intrest. Great write. Thank you for entering in this contest and Good luck.
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Hi thanks a million, I should think Egypt was very happy with Kalil he wiped virtually the lots of them out,the crusaders did not have a chance outnumbered something like 100 to one.
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Historians would be taken away by this poem. You clearly show how sad and brutle war is. How fighting, in the end, seens rather pointless. This is a good demostration of why we fight only when necessary. You have done Kalil an honor by writing this. Very good! I wish you good luck in the contest.
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Hi my friend,thanks a million and for the applause, lots of hugs
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This was terrific Love your writings
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HiBullet, I am happy to find someone who is hooked on history, I write a lot about the Egyptian gods and history plus the is the story of the flag ship Mary Rose of HenryV111, thanks a million for your super critique and applause, keep in contact, hug
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Who would have thought somebody from AP could create such great piece and be interested with Knights Templar as much as I was hooked with Jacques De Molay. I'm more than just glad to found and read this piece. And your background talks a lot of Holy Grail. Truly amazing... Bullet
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Hi Nadir I'll keep you to that or I will stalk you my friend, I am very curious as to what you will say. lol
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Nadir, you can gut it, bone it, put it under the grill,and serve it with a simple green salad, and I will try to remain a lady, I at least thank people who write me critiques which is more than I can say for a lot of people, I try not to use favoritisum if I can help it. now be my guest
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a head above the crowd
Superbly presented - flambouyant in the futile colours of crimsoned steel. A monument to the glory of misguided ego and senseless wars that have perpetuated from the advent of man, that will haunt us till eternity freezes over... -
I always enjoy reading poetic narratives. It is a challenge to blend rhyme with meter and keep the story from reading stilted. I was not familiar at all with this particular battle and so it was new reading for me, thanks for the history lesson.
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ahai peacheater, Thanks a million , I love writing narrative and I love history thats why I write so many like this, again thanks
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Hi Sirk thanks a million
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This was an excellent poem. I love to read about history. Most people think history is so boring but I find it fascinating to read about how people lived in the past. I think history is there to help us learn from our mistakes in the past and better ourselves. "If you don't learn from history then your doomed to repeat it" Good job on your poem.
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It's brilliant. Excpetional stuff, very smooth and flowing... I love it
Keep up the good work. -
You have a good point there, but as there are no records from the Egyptian side on the thoughts of Kalil I am afraid it would be difficult, thanks a million
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Well written
Wonderfully worded, and a most smooth soothing flow you have created with your rhyme scheme. That being said, this was extremely well written, and showed an interesting point of view. Having read this, I went and did a little research. It would be curious to see a poem written from the followers of Al-Ashraf Kalil. After all, every story has two sides. ;-) -
Hi Jag, thanks a million, I love doing narrative. hug
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how can you write like this???This is amazing!
I usually don't like the format of the 'verse' as I enjoy the freewrite more..but this was brilliant, and held me captive until the end.It makes me wanna brush up on my history though....lol..great job!~jag -
Hi Ancientson, thanks a million for your super critique and applause
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Superb!
Exellent tribute!
The Knights Templar, the last bastion of valor in the ranks of the British service. You know, a few of the Templars escaped with the grail, (whatever the grail was), and took it to a place of safety.
"The Templars fought like lions deranged,
From dawn to dusk,but nothing changed"
This dedication to principle is very rare, even in those days, and they should be revered for it.
Your verse so eloquently described the plight they went through that I felt as one of them through your words, my friend.
Such vivid imagery...,
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My friend here's to another great write.
Now when I saw you name on this piece I had to read it. Not only did it have a great and intriging title but this was an exellent poem. I could see the knights fighting for their lives. I love the alure of the past and you recaptured that for me. -
it rhymes and yet it reads so smoothly
you barely realize it's rhyming.
So serious and yet so mild.
Beautiful -
indeed, you need more praise like you need an STD. Great write.
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Immensely entertaining
I'm extremely impressed by your writing thus far, and this is only the second piece of yours i've read. Your writing gives me the perception that you were really there. Which, with your other was entirely possible (Relentless Quest), but obviously not with this piece. Your style certainly points in that direction though! As if you came from the 14th century or sooner. I look forward to reading more of your work
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This is a great poem, I really enjoyed it although I dont think this was the last battle of the Knights Templar It was in fact the destruction of their last stronghold or city (Acre)
The Knights Templar still exist and have recently applied to the Pope to be reinstated They were banished by the Pope a couple of centuries ago for lending money for interest ( and therefore becoming the worlds first bank) which was against the Catholic Church ruling at that time of course now the Catholic Church have a bank of their own LOL - A wonderful poem I also love history and write the odd history poem too Albert.
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Hi thanks a million for your super critique and applause, there are many books on the templars but one you might like is Talisman by Graham Hancock and Robert Bauval.
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That's incredible, the language was astounding. I crave to know more about the Knights Templar, they are one of the most important figures in our history...
Excellent read. -
Hi there Anasuya, thanks a million.
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Hi xox urs truly, thanks a million, I am glad you liked it, hugs
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Hi, thanks a million, will take a look, may you walk with Maat
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Hi ,I thought you had vanished off the face of the earth, I am very happy you are back my friend, thanks a million, I am glad you liked it. thanks also for the applause, hugs
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I was just watching something about Templar Knights. lol. Go figure that I'd read this not long after. Loved the history lesson here, shrouded in mystery and a wonderful use of language. You braved the rhyme, and did it beautifully, which not many people can pull off. I really loved this.
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Huzzah to my mistress. You won me over the title and the end was a blast! Pen on!
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oh wow this is just lovely...beautiful imagery, it's like I was watching a movie in my head...I could see it happening...(have you read The DaVinci Code?) I clicked on this because the Knights Templar are mentioned quite a bit in that novel, and I was interested in reading this...this is just awesome...I love it!!!! I'm adding it to my list-thing lol ^_^ much love
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Hi Acheron, thanks a million for your really super critique and applause, I write quite a lot on history, a lot on ancient Egypt but others as well.hug
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excellent
this is one of the greatest poems i have read on here , i love history all of it and this is just greta man oh excellent!!! -
You are on my fave list! I LOVE history, and poetice renditions of historical events. Absolutely brilliant!
(I wrote a poem about Stalingrad that you might enjoy) -
Hi black lace thanks a million, I found that people remember dates and facts of history much easier when it is put into poetic form, thanks a million. hug
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You have taken lesson and made it sing your poetic words. If history could be taught like this in school maybe more would love it. a true joy to read.
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Hi Queen, thanks a million for your great critique and applause,I too write a lot on history mainly Egyptian, but also others I will take a look at yours as I love narrative poetry. hug
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. I am a big history fan. I love to read about all types of history. Most of my poems are around some point in history. Your ryhming was right on. Excellent poem
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Hi jks3325 thanks a million for your great critique and applause, hug
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Luv it!!!!
Beautiful poem! I truly loved its imagery!!!! Wonderful. It almsot took me back in time, I could hear the people screaming and see the people dying. Wow! Impressive!!!!! Great job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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