Assumptions glaze
your velvet eyes,
before the line
is even written.
The sun will fade
to an alabaster sky
and the moon will rise
a new each night.
A black morning star
glistens in the pinked sky.
Pele's forgotten tear
lighting home the way
for you and I.
Fall back now
to your palms of somber rest
peaceful in the security
of knowledge that
daybreak shall come again
because the lines are written
in the catacombs of your mind
before my pen even graces
the blank pages of assumption.
Author notes
Assignment for class, I'm supposed to have 10 assumptions in this. So yeah, tell me what you think and how I can improve upon it.
Written January 25th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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i'm not great at giving direct feedback like you've asked. but none the less, your writing is a curious question for me to maul. different for freedom factors that you've taken as an assignment or not. It's a good write. It simplifies outlook on something new.
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I have no idea what your talking about with anew, a new. As for the Pele line, Pele is the hawiian goddess of volacanos. that is irrelevent though because the poem is about what you think about it, so Pele might mean something else to you. Also the pages of assumption are blank because they're my empty pages, but the reader they'll assume what the poem is about and what I write before its even written. It all goes back to the first line... shrug I tried.
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is anew a word? if it is i think thats what a new each night might work to be. (sorry, my thinking isn't going logicly)
teh pele line is just ackward for me because i duno wht it is.. lol.. what is it? or who? or whatever.... *sigh* but thats all the commenting i have, besides it is a great poem.
tangent: would the pages of assumption be blank>? or clutterd? *shrugs*
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