She gripped the lace fingers,
interlocking with her own.
Reaching out her other, she stroked
the back of her mothers, brittle hand.
“It will be all right.”
The one who always watched over her,
was now being watched over.
They breathed together taking in short,
lifeless attempts to stay alive.
She gazed at her mother sleeping,
probably didn’t even know of
the presence at her bedside.
Carefully she watched, for a whisper
or a sign she may be awakening.
One second, one minute, one hour,
Then…
One sharp arduous gasp.
“It WILL be all right,”
her mother spoke.
Author notes
I didn't know what I was supposed to enter into the contest, so I entered this poem about a mother. I wrote it at the time my mother was in hospital, but she's fine now. Hope you like it.
Written January 25th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Great job. You did awesome! Your poem was beautiful, and very moving! I was almost in tears! You did a great job on this contest! Keep your head up and shoulders high!
-
you did awsome
well i'm glad your mom is alright really i let anything come in this contest if it has to do with the subject and you did awsome
*claps* keep it up you did totaly awsome
-
Great.
This is so sad.... Very Moving. The emotion in this write is crazy. I like this one very much. Good Job... -Jen. -
a lot of emotion and good description, really drew me in (especially about the lace fingers.) Good job, keep it up. I hope everything turns out super. Stay strong.
-
This is so moving, sad, and beautiful. I'm glad that your mother is going to have the operation to fix things, but I'm sorry she is in the hospital at all. I'll send my prayers your way. And it will be alright as long as the love between you two is there to keep her strong.
-
Thanks for the comment, i've removed the "by the daughter" part. Thanks for the tip, it does sound better now.
-
wow this is a beautiful poem! i love it..you have written it so well and it is just really lovely...i hope that all goes well with your mother...and everything wil be alright just have faith! take care xoxo
#kady
-
Ditto,i felt that emotion to a truly heartfelt poem, filled with meaning, beautiful.
-
OOOOH! This gave me chills! You did a really great job with this! I love the way you put across the message that she's in a better place and doesn't have to suffer any more. The most profound words in the piece spoken in the form of one last gasp. This is heart-wrenching. You relay well how it feels to lose someone this important. It's just beautiful. I agree with Mistereddie33 about removing "by the daughter". I remember thinking it felt out of place on my first readthrough. You have plenty of other references in the poem to let the reader know "the presence at her bedside" is her daughter. I enjoyed this--it's really a fine work.
-
loved it.
I liked it alot and felt the emotion. I feel for your mom and hope that she gets better. About the poem i think you could have done away with one line " by the daughter", i feel that it would have a better impact to the reader. but very beautiful.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
5 old applause
