slowly
she waited for the
clouds
to dismiss her
the changeling of
desire
enraptured her every
gaze
every breath she took
every move she made
was for him
she was not
herself
silently,
salt licked her face
obediently
she returned again
the cloud's grip
tightened
around her feet
frightened
every tear that fell
from her eyes
fell on
dead
hands
she was never the same
again.
Author notes
Written January 22nd, 2005
A contest entry
- To Those I Have Offended.... by Nicole Hanna.
500 points, ended February 1, 2005, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abuse. by Puking Faerie Dust.
600 points, ended July 3, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want to be READ? ENTER HERE! by Avatar of Innocence.
525 points, ended September 7, 2008, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused"-Eurythmics by BrittlesSkittles.
700 points, ended January 10, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wake up to ALL Abuse - Prewrites Welcome by Miss Faerie.
700 points, ended March 3, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
gah. you ruined it with more words! the first like, 6 lines woulda been perfect! Flowed nicely, an beautiful job.
-
Judged
I think that the ending was brilliant. It perfectly caught up just how she was, as much as she was suffering.
The whole piece seemed to fall like a tear... in a mist...
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
Shari
-
A slow bleeding into semi-understanding.
Delicious response to the incredible Annie.
Blue
-
very mysterious. i like your style. great write. thanks for entering!
-
i loved the ending. i was kinda hoping for more of the
khfljdhfkdhkfas
kdhflksdahflkdhsflkjaksldhf
okhfiohewfn klhdflh
.
dkhnfjklashfjhdsf
kodf;oksaf
format, but this one is just as sha awesome as the other one
Great flow to this.
Mylee -
This was very well written and I liked the format you wrote it in. It was a little weak asthetically, but I think it worked for it very much. Wonderful, wonderful diction/word choice, it was resfreshing. "fell on dead hands"- that line was very good. Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
makes me think about my best friends girl friend. poor girl.
-
those who dwell in the heavens of anothers arms are often surprised by the long fall from souch a warm and lovely place...Artis
-
Good
Wow this was a great piece...The word just flowed beautifully and very intensely...A good solid write and good luck in the contest..Take care..
-
I liked this poem very much. You have a nice way with words. Keep up the great work. I especially liked the beginning~~~~
slowly
she waited for the
clouds
to dismiss her
the changeling of
desire
enraptured her every
gaze
~~~~Love and Light~~~~
~~Blaze~~
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