Sorry for the depressing words and faces
I thought I knew the truth.
Sorry for a life not lived
I tried.
But my tears were unrealized
I forgot how to release them.
I only hope that some day you can forgive me
And find happiness - in spite of the Shadow
Fight the inside, fear the out
Remember their eyes?
Never balk in the Enemy's presence
He'll see.
Never let him know your name
He'll never stop.
Never stop screaming into the wind
I'll be seeing you
Author notes
This is the remake of "Never".
Written February 1st, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Thank you for the comments.
A couple things for mistletoe:
With the lines: "But my tears were unrealized
I forgot how to release them." I'm using the not so often used defintion " To bring into reality; make real" for 'realize', not the usual "comprehend" definition.
For the dash...that was just a way of creating a breath. Not really accurate grammatically, but it's something i do fairly often. Maybe I should rethink it
I'm glad it freaked you out though Thanks for the comment.
-crimson- -
An interesting poem. Original. The third law of writing states, "Take risks. Vulnerability equals originality."
"I thought I knew the truth." Great line. Powerful.
"Sorry for a life not lived/I tried." Did you tried? With effort comes success, doesn't it? Great line about a life not lived!
"But my tears were unrealized/I forgot how to release them." I like the words "unrealized" and "release" here. They sound good together. However, the two lines almost seem to contradict each other...If you've forgotten how to release them, then you've realized they're there.
"And find happiness - in spite of the Shadow" What is the dash for here? It seems kind of funny...Maybe you should take it out and make those two seperate lines. I see what you're getting at, I'm just not sure it works.
"Fight the inside, fear the out" Great line! "inside/out" Works well.
"He'll see." Another good line. A little frightening.
"I'll be seeing you " Freaky ending. Good line.
A good poem. It's different and it flows quite nicely. The words are powerful. You've only said what you have to and it works wonderfully. Keep it up! -
Very good job on this poem I go for rhyme but your poem is nice with the rhyme sometimes you just have to step outside that box p.s if you return the favor to one of my poems please comment on "What is Mothers Day?" since it is tomorrow but it's a rather sad write much love Raneika
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Yeah I could probably expand things form-wise. *thinks*
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hmm... this piece dances around the subject leaving so much unsaid. The reader is then able to interperate the poem and relate it to themsevles much eaiser. I think this is a fantasic poem, maybe though you could play around with the form of it? oh, and I'll read assignment two hopefully my this weekend if not by the end of today.
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cool write short no ryme but amazingly put together
good job
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