I ponder the scent of the sea, smothered in a breath of the earth
I watch the blue memories crash upon the heart of my song
Capturing my longing, praising my enchantment
And bringing me home to the path before me
I used to swim in the moonlit waters of my consciousness
Unsure of which course was right and proper
I cried for mercy, beckoned the siren to come again
To release me from my tired prison
"My fall will be for you, if you would let it be so"
I offered to she who would determine my fate
"Reprieve me, call me what you will
But show me how to be without the shell"
She tossed her time-laden hair in the waves
And looked at me with certain disdain
I sensed that something was coming, something bad
But instead she lifted me in her arms, vanishing to the depths
"If your fall will be for me" she soothed
"Your rise shall be for you, even in the cold of night"
She gave to me, a vial, a vial of hope she named it
If any time I faltered, I was to open it and bask in its light
I took it unto myself, clinging tight as we drifted
I remember majestic creatures, bowing in reverence
Assuming they meant the siren, I looked in her eyes
And saw a truth I never contemplated possible
Together we rose, higher and higher, until the sky I could see
Nothing could, or would ever surpass this happening
Then suddenly, she vanished from sight
And I was left upon the shore of righteousness...
And here I ponder the scent of the sea
Smothered in a breath of the earth
I watch the blue memories crash upon the heart of my true self
Bringing me home to the path before me
Author notes
Written on 17th January 2005 at 17:19 GMT
Woah, I have no idea where this came from...
Inspired by Ghost Love Score by Nightwish.
In a list
- 31-40 • next in list
- trophy 1 - gold • next in list
- trophy 2 - silver • next in list
- written for contests • next in list
- rhyme: none • next in list
- Inspiration: music • next in list
A contest entry
- bestest contest ever!! prewrites allowed! 5 hours left!!! by Gasp.
1200 points, ended April 30, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS OPTIONS TONS OF OPTIONS! by Avalanche..
405 points, ended November 10, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 46 of 46
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wow, truely brilliant. this is an excellent peice of poetry! best of luck in my contest. u are added to the finalists!
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great job! i love this it goes great with the song and its a great poem either way! tyvm for entering my contest, so sorry it took so long to comment i was very sick.
~!~keep writing~!~
~crazy~ -
hey this is Beautiful!! thank you for entering this contest!! Good Luck!!
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bravo to you! this is soo beautifully written. i love the way that you called it blue memories. ahhh... i love this. you are, hands down, the best poet i have ever read from. you should get this submitted. this is far too well to be unnoticed! i hope you win!
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great write...such a nicely done piece, I used to live by the sea, now I quite miss it.
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Hey ,sorry that contest (the 1000 point nightwish one) is taking so long to judge, my computer keeps crashing and basically my internet is really bad, I will have results in by this friday you have my word, thanks for your patience.
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Sorry its taking me a long time to judge this contest.
Some of these comments are hard to make in a contesst, because its hard for me to be negative, so I just leave short little replies. But this peom deserves every word, every letter, every syllable that I can think of! Your describitive ability is just fantastic, and the way you flow your poetry was utterly brilliant! And the imagery...it was like an open picture book!! A fantastic poem, and all the luck in my contest! -
I love the way you described the sea. I love the sea. All the creatures in it too. Especially dolphins. Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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Just like your other poem in my contest DefinitiveFreak, it is great, you should be proud, keep writing
good luck in the contest
best wishes as always
Star Of The Night
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Hey, thanx for coming to read my poem, I appreciate that. Most contest would tell me to piss off after reading what I'd said in the contest! Thanx.
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Please accept my apologies for not reading ur poem..i feel dumb and im sure i will never make the same mistake ever again. everyone deserves a fair chance. this was a wonderful poem. keep it up. my condolences
!
Sad
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this is a very descriptive write with nice imagary and with a decent flow to it nice job
love and light
blaze -
it sorta reminds me of LOTR when Galadriel gives the star to Frodo ((wow, i'm a nerdy one)).
i will say, you went madcrazy comma happy. i'd ditch the 1st comma in the 3rd line of the 5th stanza as well as the comma in the 4th line of the same stanza, the one in the 2nd line of the 6th stanza, and the one in the 3rd line of the 7th stanza. they give the poem unwanted choppiness.
otherwise, nice write and i wish you the best of luck in the contest <333 -
Your writing gets better and better each time! Your imagination purely flowed in this poem with fantastic imagery! Keep writing!
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...breathtaking
I love this. its beautiful. I have rarely seen such nice writing...keep up the good work. -
Wow! Mainly, that's all I can say, for your poem rendered me speechless. Very well written! I loved your choice of words and everything bout it. Very well done!
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that was amazing. It takes a lot of talent to pull of something like this. Your words are definitely captivating. thanx for sharing. that was beautiful
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I’m still gasping for air. I feel there is much wonderful sentiments being said. Overpowered with a short story long. I was waiting to the glorious end but was left to go back and try to find the meaning again...I could be miss interpreting this writing but it seems I may missed out on the whole breath thing, I was looking for breathlessness to take me out. I love many of the words expressed here though. I love the use and how they portray the many thoughts rumbling through your mind here. Lovely sensitive write all in all.
You have talent
Malabu
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Good luck in the contest. This is an interesting, original poem with resonance. You've given the reader more than enough to ponder and enjoy. You maintain a general smooth flow throughout the poem which is a plus in my opinion and your story line works well, also.
Over all nice write.
Don -
I liked. I understood your topic really well and got a lot out of this piece. Well written and good word choice. Keep up the awesome writes!!!!!
luv ya forever
shooter -
this is realy realy realy realy realy realy realy GREAT.
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I liked: the simple narration in this. You got a clear, articulate story that is very communicable. I understand precisely what you are speaking about.
I disliked: the verbosity. Why say something in a paragraph when you could say the same thing in a sentence? Perhaps you should make this more succinct. -
Wow..."smothered in a breath of the earth"...that one line resonates! I love how this is highlighted in both the beginning and the ending of such an eloquent, tranquil, loving, romantic, descriptive, and very sensual piece.
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very well written. your choice of words were very visual and descriptive. good for you - thanx for sharing
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Hey, what an interesting poem you have here. It was well written and you definitely have a great imagination. It flowed well and went together nicely. Great job with this! I enjoyed reading it
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This was a great poem!!!!!!!!! You have such an imagination, well written
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I liked this, the way it flowed and the words you used made it a very good read. Keep writing!
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This was very descriptive and filled with great imagery. I don't mind the old style of writing; I use it sometimes too. As far as the color of your page, it didn't bother me at all Thank you so much for entering and good luck
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very well written poem... i take my hat off to you.
thanks for entering my contest and good luck, sorry it is taking me so long to get through all the entries but there are a lot of them and I have been away all weekend. I will do my best to get this wrapped up in the next couple of days -
makes you calm, very relaxing
I loved this poem! very well written. i could see this as a song because my sister was singing like avril lavigne tunelessly that made me think she was singing something we heard on the radio this afternoon.
. i could just see it in my head... except the location... all i could see was a woman with blonde hair in a blue bathing suit on the brewster beach in cape cod... ahhh i loved this poem so much!
keep on writing,
sunshinebear
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A very interesting poem I really liked it. I like how it sort of tells a stroy in poem its very cool. I love the imagery and everything flows pretty nicely. I love the line "Smothered in a breath of the earth"...Very cool. This poem is very soothing and very calming and it goes nicely with the poem itself. Great Job on this Oh and the background fits perfectly too
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Wow ... wow... wow.!!! I seriously can't believe how good this poem is! It's confusing lol but in a good way... it really leaves you hanging which is good.
I love the conclusion of the poem and how it was so descriptive. I liked how you bolded those two words... and this background, omg it totally fits the poem! Great write! -
Yes, lol, this didn't show up too well on my screen. I did highlighted it and tah dah! I did like how you began and ended this piece. It gave it a certain strength. Hey, did she give you any extra vials? Seems like we could all use a dose of this. Enjoyed this piece, thanks for sharing.
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not trying to me mean or rude but i could barely read this w/o hurting my eyes even while wrearing glasses but anyways good luck with your contest
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i liked it, the thing is it is kinda hard to read black on dark blue, but i loved the poem
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Meh, I had this whole critique written out and then I was silly and made it go away
Have more imagery like "time-laden hair" and less stuff like "She gave to me, a vial, a vial of hope she named it."
You have an old-fashioned writing style in this piece but I, for one, don't feel it's needed, and I think you could get across more potent imagery by making it more modern -- less funky syntax, and nix the "unto"s and whatnot.
I, personally, am not that fond of dialogue in a poem. Even if just for an exercise in creativity, see if you can manage this poem without the dialogue. -
how did i miss commenting on this?!
She tossed her time-laden hair in the waves
And looked at me with certain disdain
I sensed that something was coming, something bad
But instead she lifted me in her arms, vanishing to the depths
"If your fall will be for me" she soothed
"Your rise shall be for you, even in the cold of night"
She gave to me, a vial, a vial of hope she named it
If any time I faltered, I was to open it and bask in its light
I love that part! It's an excellent poem. -
I really liked this poem. You also posted it on my b-day! This is good.
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Here... I applauded
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HOLY SH!T.... Laura this is... it took my breathe away. I think this has to be the best piece I've ever read of yours... course... I still have many to read But still. My jaw is still on the floor. Love much
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nice job
WoW this is absolutely wonderful. You never fail to amaze me my dear friend. Keep up the terrific work.
XOXO
~laura -
I think this was unique, and very well written. I love some of the words and imagry you used. Must read more.
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this was a bit odd, in me opinion, bu'I thinx it was reelly cool and well written, man! The colaz reelly are awesome and go w/ the peice, man!good luck,man!
Eny
Edited on Jan 17, 3:51 p.m. because ' good luck!'.
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This was deep and meaningfull. I really liked the emotion you put into it and your descriptions. I think I will read more of your work.
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i dont know what it is..maybe theres a glare on my computer screen...but the black on dark blue background makes this close to impossible to read..i'll try again later
sorry!!!!!
~Rainmaker -
good write
I really liked this poem a lot such emotion and great use of words and I love that "smothered in a breath of the earth"
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