still this winter rain
turns roads to rivers
on a distant hill
a new born lamb
chases the wind
17~01~2005
Andrew Hide
Author notes
In ancient times in Japan, the court poets were expected to report even the weather in the tanka form, prompted by Ava Noire, I thought I would have a try. 
To join the tanka class visit allpoetry.com/ Application/66 0695
Written January 17th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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excellent
wind and rain eh Andrew? yes, well i've had quite a bit of wind and rain on my camping holiday, but i never thought to express it the way you have in this original piece.
i like how the poem pivots around the central third line - very smooth...
excellent work. encore! encore!
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I don't know why but this took me back to my childhood when I used to roam about in the countryside all day and then go home for my tea, cold, tired and hungry and sometimes it was raining. Always I was happy after my outside adventures.
I was a 'new born lamb
chasing the wind'
Edited on Jan 25, 6:28 because ''. -
Anais Nin said "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." I'm feeling a little lost at the moment and your words here are comforting. the imagery, the pulse, the flow. Relaxes me, now. I also like the ambiguity upon this poem. Pen on!
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Thank you, Sir for applauding my comment on your tanka!
I am honoured!
-Charishma
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wonderful
This is wonderful. Definitely a stlye I will have to try.
john
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That's a very interesting way of conveying the lamb. . . We've been looking at William blake lately in Later Brit. Lit. . . And in particular, we were looking at his Songs Of Innocence and Songs of Experience. . . "The Lamb" in particular sticks out in my mind. . . Just that singular line you have here. . . It brings your poem to that extra imaginative level, well done, indeed.
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Wonderful Tanka gem!
Wonderful! The imagery in this tanka is rough in the upper part {Kaminshu} and soft in the lower part {Shimonoku}. I enjoyed this contrast alot. The upper part of the tanka, i.e. L1, L2 and L3 reads well as a haiku. I particularly like the use of the word "still" meaning yet{implying, uptil now} in L1. L2 is a brilliant image very well captured in four words. It is a powerful image and goes very well with L1 and L3. I also like the third line that has very well fitted itself into this tanka and beautifully blended the upper part and lower part of the tanka. Each of these parts, stands pretty well on its own. I might be the only one here, but each time I read this tanka, I feel L5 should have the word "chases" instead of the word "chasing". For one thing, it would make this tanka be a more "in the moment" captured thing than something written much later on. Plus, it seems to flow better that way to my eyes. Just a small suggestion All the lines flow pretty effortlessly into one thought. Thank you for a weather tanka! Loved the thought and inspiration behind it
-Charishma -
Amazing!
How perfectly I can see that image. England is notorious for its weather. I once head a joke before, though you may not find it very amusing. But it went: In England, do you know the only thing that can rival its weather in being horrible? Its writers." I didn't find it that commical, and I assure you had taht person taken one look at your poem, he would have never even aloud the thought of that jest to enter his mind! This is a great write, and i love it immensely! -
how cute.... a lamb chasing the wind I like your poem lots... Keep writing
Lonely~
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The single word "still" sets the rest of this ku nicely... the tone, the mood...etc. Great contrast in it with a tasty L3 for a perfect pivot.
Nice work Andrew.
Don -
Wonderful! The contrast between what we consider problems in our world of cares and 'practicalities' and that of nature's harmonious attunement is nicely done.
~G
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WooHoo! I have been waiting for this!!! What a fun tanka! The weather with a sunny forcast! Who could ask for much more than that?
We had good friends with a sheep ranch and we used to go out every spring and help with lambing season and all of that. This took me right back to those days.
Wonderful!
Susan -
this i like you have such an economical style that says so much ..every word chosen for max impact ..u open with still meaning yet but it gives the whole piece a sense of serenity which is so subtle ..bootiful
col
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brave lamb I thought it would be shivering in the cold rain Nice work Andrew.
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I'm sure you know it Andrew, but I still must tell you that you have a magic way with words. I love how you describe it!
Very nice job..
Wayne -
I thought you'd be posting this up here soon. And I'm glad you have. (smart one I am
)
goodstuff Mr. Hide.
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