We leave the others, slowing down while they forget us.
Their voices fade away swallowed by the mists of twilight.
The path, the woods become ours, a small moment together.
The talk turns from worries of life, tumbles into playfulness.
Secret smiles stray from our lips, seen only by the other.
Playfulness flows into the soft warmth found in timeless love.
The fire burns fierce as the intertwining of our souls tighten.
The chill of fading day and coming night cannot touch us.
Author notes
A moment of true intimacy between lovers is timeless.
Written January 16th, 2005
A contest entry
- Love poems...i just love them so by Real RainGirl 2.
400 points, ended September 9, 2005, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
WELL DONE!! THis is a true feeling of love babe! YOu totally got the point across! Good luck in the contest! YOu deserve to get something
KEep up the good work and good luck again!
~Amber -
"ours lips" is it supposed to be "our lips"?
sorry about that ^.^
anyways beautiful poem, loved the imagery and the flow was beautifully done. thank you for sharing this piece
~Audri -
pretty good!
for some reason the reminds me of graduation day how everyone like walks together across the stage or whatever kinda and we all on our last day smile at one another this was pretty good! -
nice write
This is a very wonderful write. You used great imagery and so much more. Great job!
~laura -
forgive me for reality, but it seems a bit infantile to me
-
This was awsome keep up the work it was magnificent!
pixx -
very good poem!!!!!!!!
-
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
i liked this is truly painted a picture in my mind. truly i am a sucker for poems like this lol whatever it is you're doing keep doing it lol
-
aww that was too cute! great job. there really isnt anything to fix. keep it up. -much love- jessikka
-
This is beautiful. My God, you know how to write. This is real poetry.
-
wonderful!
This is fantastic! Gets over what true love is. -
i love this poem so sweet and romantic.
-
this ia amazing. i love the constant flow of it all. well done. think you are real talented xx
-
thumbs up!
This was beautifully written and I really enjoyed it! Great job!
-
brilliant work!! I loved it. I really liked these lines the best, "The path, the woods become ours, a small moment together." though I don't know exactly why. Over all, you did an outstanding job. Keep in touch.
---Later---
From The Navy Sniper Back From Mexico, (Had a great time, by the way
)
Edited on Jan 20, 3:24 p.m. because ''. -
Very, very nice poem indeed. It was beautifully written, short but straight to the point and easy to understand. The words you used were wonderful too. I don't think much needs to be edited, you got the main point across and you did a good job. Well done. Keep it up.
~CT -
wow! this was so beiutful... and i actually understood it! it touched me! great write! keep it up!
-
This was amazing. I loved it. I wasn't expecting this but you know, it is great all the same. Beautifully written and crafted to perfection. Nicely done. Keep up the good work. Love always,
Kristen -
this was awesome, and created a beautiful thought pattern in my mind. I really enjoyed this piece. Good luck with future writes! Trot
-
2 thumbs up
I liked this one...intense subltety as I like to call it. I liked your imagery.. really brings a lot of things to mind -
excellent
this is a lovely poem ! -
Romantic and Expressed.
I like this one. It's beautiful and romantic. It also describes a scene very much like a day in the life of my Love and I. -
Enchanting and mezmerizing
That was beautiful and enchanting! I loved it. Magnifico! *muah* -
this is definitely in need of editing.
-
Wow. This is beautiful. I love your choice of words. The poem flows well, like rain, gliding down the page to the end. Great job!
Love and Blessings, Ashlee
-
wow!!! this was so0o0o0o0o amazing!! you did such a good job that i can't even begin to tell you hw much i enjoyed reading it! i really think that you did super on this and you should keep up the good work!! Your a great writer and should never stop! remember! you need to keep up something that your good at for as long as can!
missy
.. -
i really liked this poem, it reminded me of my childhood, and better memories to nowadays. well done, lovely, beautiful piece x x
-
happy
this poem is very simple yet amazing. It reminds me of quite times or just single moments i have experienced discovering other beings. You write beautifully keep it up! -
Good Job
Wow beautiful. I was not sure where it was going in the beginging but i loved it well writen. Great job. -
nice job
Very beautiful poem, keep up the wonderful writing, you panda bear.
XOXO
~laura -
This is quite lovely! I loved this!! Thank you for sharing this poem with the rest of us! Very Nicely Done!! Great Write!
-
This was lovely
-Ashley,
-
Beautiful piece of writing, you seem to be a very inspirational poet. keep writing!
-
O wow!!!! This is so awesome!!! Great job! I loved this so much it was sweet and timeless... you have an amazing piece here... you seem to be an amazing writer... I haven't read a poem of yours I haven't liked... nice job with this!!! BRAVO!!!
*Enchantedtears* -
nice job
This is a very lovely piece of poetry. You are very talented and I suppose you should keep up the terrific work.
XOXO
~Laura -
this is really cool. i like it alot. thnx for sharing!
-
This is really good and has a good flow to it. Great job.
-
This was a very nice poem. It reminded of better days and happier times. Good job.
-
Your words are so soothing, peaceful and uplifting. Such a beautiful piece you have here, glad I clicked, these emotions aren't written by many
-
The mating dance of humans, put into a very nice poem. You did capture so many of the feelings that are oh so common but seldom written about so beautifully. well done.
-
This is a very beautiful poem. If all your works are this good you will hear from me again soon.
-
very good
I agree -
Ahh beautiful. loved it.
-
I love the mystery of trying to guess at what possibly could be happening with this couple. Great job on leaving it to the readers imagination.....lovers ...illicit lovers.......??????anyway , great write
-
All I know is I sensed love somewhere in the piece. I like pieces that involve love. Cool imagery, as well, I like your choice of words, made me think of a couple in a forest alone. Cool poem, keep it up!
-Lunatick
-
I am still smiling myself from this lovely peice.
-
AWESOME!
Wow! You have a very unique and special gift from God to be able to flow your thoughts into descriptive words like that!:-) You're doing a great job keeping the level of romance and playfullness balanced! I love it! Keep up the good work! -
what's a verdict
well that was ... interesting
eileen -
Wow . . . I mean it, WOW!!!!!!!! That left me breathless, seriously. You described that very well!! I couldn't even pick out my favorite part because it was all so good!!! This is definately one that I am going to have to read again and again!! And I am going to have to read more of your work too!!
-
Great
Beautiful. Such a peaceful work here...I wonder whom this couple is? Is it a imaginary thing on your end, or something that happened? It just seems so mystical...I can't quite tell either way...*sigh*...makes me wish for my honey-bunches-of-oats to call me...*pout* -
A+
I LOVED IT! YOU CAPTURED A MOMENT AND A FEELING I HAD EXPERIENCED MANY YEARS AGO. THANKS MUDBUG -
This is a great write. Short and simple, yet full of emotion. It brought a smile to my face.
-Malia -
this is a truely beautiful poem... wow. amazing.... very great... sorry for not being diplomatic and all
-
hmm.. this was very different I have to say. It did make me smile. I agree with twinzy. lol Im really not sure what this poem means and im not sure about anything to do with this poem, but that is totally okay, just because i dont know something, doesnt mean a thing! You seem like a wonderful writter. Best wishes to you. Keep up your great work!
Love ~ Jess ~ -
IM SMILING! bravo you did a great job here!
-
very good
i like that poem alot, hope everyone does aswell. it gives me a feeling deep down inside my heart -
Brilliant!
Oh this is good! Very good!!! I love the way you brought this one together in such a smooth flow.
You have given me imagery that gives me chill bumps, and makes me want my husband here, so I can give him that secret smile, and hold him close!
I really love this one, and hope to see more. Please keep up the good work!!!
Thanks so much for sharing something so beautifully touching! -
Wow that poem reminds me of how invincible I felt while I was in love...you feel separate, sorta superior...just like, for once, you're the special guy...great poem
-
Amazing!! Well written! Good job! -Amber-
-
the last two lines were increadible...great write!
-
You’re a very inspirational writer. Your technique speaks for it self but I also enjoy reading its content. You are defiantly a very interesting writer. I hope that you continue to use your poetry to inspire and entertain others. Many people just write because they think it is fun and so it is but you are not just writing for fun but from your heart. If you keep this up you’ll not only win hearts on this sight but I have the feeling you’ll capture the heart of the world as well Keep up the good work smith you are doing great things.
Best of luck Donnia
-
"swallowed by the mists of twilight" I like your usage of words here. Good job. I like this poem. Keep up the good work!!
Love, Ashlee aka Alahmorah
-
Now this is a very special poem. I loved everything about it. It left me smiling at the end! I loved the imagery but most of all the truth that you had in it. It was amazing and flowed so nicely, just like a smile Well done and well worth the read. I loved all of it!
-
beautiful
Nice poem i really liked the beautiful way your words just seem to flow ... made me want to read it another two times befoe i had my fill.
-
I really like it. I can totally relate to this piece too. I have to say, it reminds me of my boyfriend and my relationship with him. It reminds me of how i feel when I'm with him. Thanx for that!
-
really nice poem I enjoyed it kinda like its so soothing to read kinda poem and you kept it short and to the point excellent write
-
i really like it ... it is deep and thoughtful
-
Very well written. I can identify with this piece and I am sure that you have captured the stolen moments betweeen soul mates traveling parallel but separate lives.
-
good
I do like this style -
I really liked these lines
The fire burns fierce as the intertwining of our souls tighten.
The chill of fading day and coming night cannot touch us.
it just sumed the write up beautifuly.
-
touching!!
-
wow this is really deeep and it has a cool meaning. its really discriptive which helps you to imagine a mini movie to the poem!
-
nicely done
the flow was wonderful.. and your choice of descriptors worked perfectly into this. my attention was captured by the name but kept by the words... great job!
~*freed*~
-
this was total beauty. i loved this so much. you did such a great job.. the imagery.. the emotion.. such great passion. you made me so jealous.. i think everyone kinda wants something of the such. when i first read the title, i thought it was gonna be another 'all my smiles are fake' depression poem.. but then i read it, and was blown away. you had great word choice.. this is so beautiful. i think this is one of the first happy poems ive liked on this website.
-
beautifully written...
i love the last two lines
"The fire burns fierce as the intertwining of our souls tighten.
The chill of fading day and coming night cannot touch us."
great write..thanks for sharing! can't wait to see more, dahlin!
~R -
Fine write
This is a good poem.Your choice of words kept my attention totally all the way to the very end. Thank you for sharing this write with my family and I. Waiting to read more of your writes.
-
wow that was great the imagery was good and the words flowed well my only thing is you said playfully alot but besides that it was a good poem i liked it alot keep writing never stop ok
-
grand
wow, that was amazing. Wonderful imagery, which is not often seen with a lot of poets nowadays. I hope you keep on writing, and writing well, and I look forward to seeing your work in the future. Fare thee well. -
This is very very well written
this is amazing and beautiful!
keep up the great work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~no1special~ -
wow.. this was amazing.. i aboslutely lvoed it!!
-
very nicely said.. brings out warm feelings
-
Sounds like all those light-hearted campouts I used to have with a group of friends of mine when I was still dating my ex. lol. Forgetting the hussle and bussle of life and learning to have fun again. You've captured that kind of innocence and want here nicely.
-
Sweet
Awsome poem loved this part:"Playfulness flows into the soft warmth found in timeless love." keep up the wonderful work
-
wow this is such a lovely poem its so unique
-
This is a great poem and also had me smiling reading it (not really sure why, Just having a good day I guess ) Seeing as loads of ppl have applauded this already I feel like a sheep doing the same but what the hell its a brilliant poem so here you go Well written and im sure this will be loved by all that read it
-
so lovely and romantic...vivid imagery...yeah that line's my favorite too...I love the "intertwining of our souls" part--exquisite writing...lovely write
-
Indeed, this is really quite interesting. Your last line was the most profound for me - the thought of being okay, no matter what happens. That's something I've needed to hear for so long, because I worry so much about everything. I'm glad I read this, it was wonderful.
-
Your poem is very visual because you described it so well. "The fire burns fierce as the intertwining of our souls tighten," is my favorite line in your poem.
-
It is hard to have a secrat smile when you live as publicly as I do ( in a glass box in the middle of my city) everyone can see exactly what I do and when I do it. Imagine that, I am constantly watched (especially by the little mice).
In my home country everybody lived in glass boxes, and so people had no reason to stare at another person in a glass box, in fact it was polite to look away. Here in the so-called modern world people are far more rude
the ever optulent
squeeg -
how sweetly romantic this is... bringing back memories of when love first begins. there is nothing to compare to beginnings i've always thought.
you've written this well capturing the magic if for a moment -
wow, excellent poem! i really enjoyed reading this one. love is a very powerful emotion, and you did a really good job of portraying that in this piece. the last lines are really good-
"The fire burns fierce as the intertwining of our souls tighten.
The chill of fading day and coming night cannot touch us."
feeling that you're so happy and nothing can go wrong... again, great poem, best of wishes, and keep up the good work!!
~tyler
-
liked the notion of leaving everyone behind.
-
Secret Smiles...i really love the image those two words conjure...it is like that alone speaks to those first moments...right when something becomes known between two people and the smile cannot help but move its way up from the heart onto the corner of our lips...
Nice!
UB
-
I love how they seem to be so lost in each other, they seem to have another world where they are unreachable, perhaps even to an almost physical state. I think it's that state of oblivion lovers plunge themselves into without them knowing it. I love SadmanJim's comments; I agree with them with a smile.
I love how "The talk turns from worries of life, tumbles into playfulness" takes the weight off my chest so I could run with this playfulness. "The chill of fading day and coming night cannot touch us." I like how this lines somewhat suggests to me that their love is not just timeless but also boundless, that nothing gets in their way that they cannot find a way around it. Such a liberating feeling, such fantasy, such poetry. -
A real "Victorian" feel to this poem of yours. Like I read it in a book of poetry from the 1800's.
Though back then, it may have been considered "risque".
You have proven that rhymes alone do not make good poetry. Word pictures that trigger emotions...positive or afflictive...are what constitutes "good poetry" to me. Rhymes are just the gravy or whipped topping.
Write on!
jIM -
Very Nice
Very pretty poem makes Me smile when reading it
Edited on Jan 17, 8:56 because 'miss-type'. -
Very pretty.... I really like the saying 'secret smiles' it has a poetic ring to it.
-
Sweet
I really like this, I love the idea of taking a walk in the woods with someone and how you descibed it. I really loved the line:"Secret smiles stray from ours lips, seen only by the other." It just seems really romantic to me. Maybe I'm just weird though. This is really a beautiful write, congrats.
xoxo
Sabrina
Adding your comment:
64 old applause
