I guess you think you know this story.
You don't. The real one's much more gory.
The phoney one, the one you know,
Was cooked up years and years ago,
And made to sound all soft and sappy
just to keep the children happy.
Mind you, they got the first bit right,
The bit where, in the dead of night,
The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all,
Departed for the Palace Ball,
While darling little Cinderella
Was locked up in a slimy cellar,
Where rats who wanted things to eat,
Began to nibble at her feet.
She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out!
The Magic Fairy heard her shout.
Appearing in a blaze of light,
She said: 'My dear, are you all right?'
'All right?' cried Cindy .'Can't you see
'I feel as rotten as can be!'
She beat her fist against the wall,
And shouted, 'Get me to the Ball!
'There is a Disco at the Palace!
'The rest have gone and I am jealous!
'I want a dress! I want a coach!
'And earrings and a diamond brooch!
'And silver slippers, two of those!
'And lovely nylon panty hose!
'Done up like that I'll guarantee
'The handsome Prince will fall for me!'
The Fairy said, 'Hang on a tick.'
She gave her wand a mighty flick
And quickly, in no time at all,
Cindy was at the Palace Ball!
It made the Ugly Sisters wince
To see her dancing with the Prince.
She held him very tight and pressed
herself against his manly chest.
The Prince himself was turned to pulp,
All he could do was gasp and gulp.
Then midnight struck. She shouted,'Heck!
I've got to run to save my neck!'
The Prince cried, 'No! Alas! Alack!'
He grabbed her dress to hold her back.
As Cindy shouted, 'Let me go!'
The dress was ripped from head to toe.
She ran out in her underwear,
And lost one slipper on the stair.
The Prince was on it like a dart,
He pressed it to his pounding heart,
'The girl this slipper fits,' he cried,
'Tomorrow morn shall be my bride!
I'll visit every house in town
'Until I've tracked the maiden down!'
Then rather carelessly, I fear,
He placed it on a crate of beer.
At once, one of the Ugly Sisters,
(The one whose face was blotched with blisters)
Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe,
And quickly flushed it down the loo.
Then in its place she calmly put
The slipper from her own left foot.
Ah ha, you see, the plot grows thicker,
And Cindy's luck starts looking sicker.
Next day, the Prince went charging down
To knock on all the doors in town.
In every house, the tension grew.
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was long and very wide.
(A normal foot got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of eager people came
To try it on, but all in vain.
Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'
But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
'So now you've got to marry me!'
The Prince went white from ear to ear.
He muttered, 'Let me out of here.'
'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!
'There's no way you can back out now!'
'Off with her head!'The Prince roared back.
They chopped it off with one big whack.
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
'She's prettier without her head.'
Then up came Sister Number Two,
Who yelled, 'Now I will try the shoe!'
'Try this instead!' the Prince yelled back.
He swung his trusty sword and smack
Her head went crashing to the ground.
It bounced a bit and rolled around.
In the kitchen, peeling spuds,
Cinderella heard the thuds
Of bouncing heads upon the floor,
And poked her own head round the door.
'What's all the racket? 'Cindy cried.
'Mind your own bizz,' the Prince replied.
Poor Cindy's heart was torn to shreds.
My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads!
How could I marry anyone
Who does that sort of thing for fun?
The Prince cried, 'Who's this dirty slut?
'Off with her nut! Off with her nut!'
Just then, all in a blaze of light,
The Magic Fairy hove in sight,
Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish!
'Cindy! 'she cried, 'come make a wish!
'Wish anything and have no doubt
'That I will make it come about!'
Cindy answered, 'Oh kind Fairy,
'This time I shall be more wary.
'No more Princes, no more money.
'I have had my taste of honey.
I'm wishing for a decent man.
'They're hard to find. D'you think you can?'
Within a minute, Cinderella
Was married to a lovely feller,
A simple jam maker by trade,
Who sold good home-made marmalade.
Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
And they were happy ever after.
In a published book
Leave a guest comment (subject to review)
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
-
-
this is great
From guest brooke (contact)
it was realy fun to learn about at school and a little bit gruesome. -
GENIUS
From guest Naomi (contact)
I have the entire collection of his twisted fairy-stories! My favorite is the Red riding hood one "She turns around, her eyelid flickers, she whips a pistol from his knickers, she aims it at the creatures head, and bang bang bang she shoots it dead." <.< Looking at me say how much I love it makes me realize how seriously GORY that is. Oh well.
-
Golden.
I laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME I read this!! It's beyond witty, let alone cute, and I truly believe that children in today's society should have access to this classical piece!
-
love it!
From guest Eleanor (contact)
roald dahl is my favourite author he makes me laugh you should read the three little pigs he did another version of that as well -
love it!!!!
It shows that money and royalty don't mean anything anymore all you need is a good heart and you will marry a good person! Love it.. I'll have to read it to my nieces they love Cinderella lol -
Roald is the best
From guest Shervin (contact)
I loved the ending. This version is the one I'll read to my daughter one day ;-) -
-
-
-
-
THANK YOU!!!!!
From guest Kelly Cole (contact)
Thank you for doing a poem about Cinderella can you do a sleeping Beauty because I meet the real Cinderella and Bell And Arill and Sleeping Beauty and Jassmine and more Thank you from Kelly Votoira Cole. xxxx -
One of the most creative writers of all time offers another masterpiece of twisted humor.
-
This is funny! Almost reminds me of The Big Bad Wolf version of the 3 little pigs. Anyway, a bit of violence tends to make everything more interesting.
-
I like this poem =]
From guest Emma (contact)
I like this poem...having head chopping makes it funny =] -
-
revolting rhymes
From guest Shirley (contact)
These have rhymes were written some time ago and my boys who are now around 30 loved them. Those of you of that age who have not read them until now have had a deprived childhood as far as reading goes. -
whoaaa!!!
From guest pallavi (contact)
gr8test powm ever!!....hehe.....seriously!!...jus love the twist in events especially the nding{being different from the original stroy} -
-
This version is far superior to the soppy one heard nd seen so many times. A little blood and gore makes the story far more interesting.
Very enjoyable. -
Great
I loved it!!!! It was great -
From guest RK (contact)
My friends and I enjoyed this version of "Cinderella" so much, we decided to use this for our school poetry play. We've done 3 shows already, and we're going to do another tomorrow! -
From guest Julie (contact)
I have to say this is the best poem I've ever seen, though I am not really a fan of poems! It is very creative and I promise that my whole school would love it too! Can't wait for other poems! -
wow I kind of like this version a lot better. I'm not one for believing in fairy tales. this one was much better.. this poem held my concentration, and as of late that's a very hard thing to accomplish. the rhyme is outstanding, the flow was smooth. I really enjoyed reading this
kat
-
Play
From guest Emily (contact)
my school is doing a play based on the poem... but I knew the teachers changed the words a bit, but they had to change the words ALOT! I'm the prince in the play and i do not want to chop off the stepsister's heads! -
-
-
-
-
-
Awesome
From guest Sabah Merchant (contact)
This is an amazing piece.. Though it has shattered my childhool fantasies .. and now its more of reality ... keep it going! -
-
-
From guest adriana flores (contact)
hey i memorized this poem and retold it 4 the oral language competition!!!! its awesome!!!=] -
-
it's an amazing poem...............
From guest shivanghi (contact)
it's very cute and has been ritten really well!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially the twist -
-
I love it
From guest Charlie (contact)
I have read this poem so many times and i love it! Roald Dahl is a genius, this poem is so much better then the real thing. Makes me and my friends laugh every time! x -
-
From guest olivia (contact)
omg i cant belive its on da internet lol im doing this play at school lol x -
I love it
It was so brilliant!!!you had me lauhing and smiling all through!!!EXCELLENT WRITE!!! -
I love this! It is awesome! haha his poems are so funny!
-
-
just leavin a comment
From guest lauren (contact)
I read this at school today i fought it was brillant it was a elish story !! -
-
Cindrella poem
From guest Julia (contact)
I was looking for a 3-minute poem for my homework in school. This poem is just right and the story is funny. -
From guest Adela (contact)
I don't usually like Dahl's work, for reasons I'm not entirely sure about, but this one made me laugh a bit. I guess it's just got so much truth behind it. We do wish for the best sometimes (i.e. a prince) but then realised quite ordinary things are actually better for us (the marmelade man). Besides, I'm all for rewriting fairytales!! xx -
perfect
From guest jenni (Australia) (contact)
I am surprised that Dahl's use of the word 'slut' is causing so much dismay. I began reading this poem (among others) to my daugter 12 years ago, and have recited it many times since (the impeccable rhymes and rhythm make it so easy to remember). I always assumed that since Dahl used this word, words being his area of expertise, it must have had a broader meaning than I was aware of (maybe 'back then', say in Shakespearean times). I was probably getting mixed up with slaternly (I left school young). People 'notice' the word...I don't emphasise it, and just breeze straight through, it comes during a 'quick' part of the poem. I just looked up slattern in the dictionary...'a slovenly, untidy woman; a slut'. I told my daughter that it meant 'grubby or scruffy', and she was happy with that for years. By the time she realised it meant something else as well, she was old enough to understand that words often have multiple meanings (e.g.insert). -
Marie from Ireland
From guest Marie (contact)
Ilove this poem!!!!i remember the time when our primary school teacher copied this poem off the internet and turned it into a play!!!i played the prince and put on this dopey accent!!!!it was soooo funny and i would LOVE to do it again!!!!lololol -
Cindrella
From guest Nella O'Regan (contact)
Great.
Really enjoyed it.
Some of the words i do not improve of. -
OMG
From guest disgusted (contact)
nice poem with all the ryming bits but did you have to insert the word 'slut' into it...bit course ("coarse"?) for a childrens author -
From guest christiane saliba (contact)
roald dahl im really sorry about what happened to you but i loved youre touching poems -
-
From guest maddaliscious (contact)
I liked this poem a lot. It was very humerous. My teacher was reading it out loud and hesitated in the word 'slut'! -
Really Cool!!!
From guest Heather (contact)
This was really good story and also very funny. Roald Dahl is a great author. -
Much, much better than the original. So much more believable and real. Death, deceit, lies, avarice, This poem has it all. lol
Von -
-
i luv it!
From guest taiwn (contact)
I just luv it to peaces its just sooooooooooooo good. I wish i coul write that well!!! -
Phenomenal Poems
From guest Year 5 (contact)
We,ve read many of RD's poems this week; Cinderella is the funniest!! (so far!!) LOL!! -
What a Lovely & Adorable Poem!
From guest Tosin (contact)
*I really think this is a very fascinating ryhming words poem. Very interesting, i mean just 'GO ROALD' You're a man with a very gentle soul of writing. Continue & don't make a damage with your pen!* -
What a Lovely & Adorable Poem!
From guest Oluwatosin (contact)
It's really Fantastic! Very fascinating. Go Roald. An old man with a gentle knowledge is what you are! -
-
-
Once again Brilliant
Absolutely top class!
RT. -
OMG OMG OMG
From guest Desiree And Mariah (contact)
that was definatley the best cindrella poem i have ever read but i still think she should of had cinderella's head chopped off tooooo -
-
From guest sarhys (contact)
the story is very funnt. for school were doing it for a play from sarhys -
-
aWeSoMe!i!
From guest flee1906 (contact)
awesome poem. his spirit lives on.. its so gud that we're doing a play using R.D 's version peace out.. :) -
From guest Elise (contact)
welll good poem but a bit long 4 me 2 use 4 my homework. Any way................I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
-
WOWWWWWWWW
From guest Dijana (contact)
that was a great poem and this is the first time i have ever read it and i LOVED it!!!!
-
Super Duper
From guest Vanja Pjevalica (contact)
That was a super duper poem. I've read that poem before but it was good to read it again. I've read lots or Roald Dahls poems and stories. But, that one was so funny. -
WOW!!!
From guest Brendan (contact)
OMG! This poem is absolutely superb!! Ill tell everyone to read it... Roald Dahl is my favourite author and poet too therefore =P -
brilliant
this has to be one of the funniest things i have ever read in my life! i came accross is many years ago, although until now i had no idea who wrote it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
