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She was only the pig farmers daughter
but he should have loved her, the swine, -
Before they arrive here’s what you should do,
run up the stairs quick and block the damn loo, -
Here beneath this earthy sod
lies a man who’s name was Todd -
Credit for photograph to crimsondew
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Poor old Dad on Christmas day
Deserves some peace and quiet -
Dickie Bird
How absurd -
Cleopatra liked milk
To bathe in, but silk -
A young girl called Jenny She hadn’t a penny
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An artist called Bill Had a model named Lil
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You’ve heard the expression ‘Bottoms Up’
This makes a change from milk -
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Oh, she makes my blood boil
Just who does she think she is, -
You’ve heard of the expression ‘A pig in muck’,
Well this little piggy just had some luck, -
To be sung to Sonny and Cher...I Got You Babe
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The Zebra is a pretty fish
floats in a muddy pool -
The Rhino is a handsome hawk
he floats up in the sky -
Oh by golly, pretty Polly
where’s your Uncle Fred? -
“We’re part of the crew, is this your first flight?
we’re sorry it’s late, it’s well past midnight, -
I’m Monty, a mammoth of old
I gave up the fight and got cold -
As you grow old you’ll find that things are never as they seem
and life for you may soon become a trial, -
You see them on the motorway you see them on the street
especially on a Friday, they’re not so nice to meet. -
I’ve got my evil eye on you, you may think you’re in charge,
I’d like a slice of pizza too; I’m hairy, fierce and large. -
My first shoes were Clarks all leather and strong,
no man-made fibres to make your feet pong, -
Do you think the birds will notice that my black and furry tail
is sticking out from under the roof’s edge? -
As I went surveying round my new property
in the kitchen there was such a stink, -
A troll that lived high on a ridge
was pestered by Mikey the Midge
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