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List: My Weird-Ass Humor

This collection encapsulates the verse that either a) really is funny or b) is considered by myself as funny.

Of course, category 'a' is subjective per myself, too, so maybe they're really not that funny.

At any rate, these pieces should be a joy to read, so I hope you enjoy them.  Thanks!

1 - 73 of 73
  • Tiger, Pt. 2 (with Apologies to William Blake)
    Tiger, Tiger, dull and ag'd,
    Thy former strength forever cag'd
    23 lines, 10 comments, on Jul 17 1:39 PM 2003. In Nature, Humor
  • It Was Fun
    It was fun pushing that elderly woman into traffic,
    It was fun driving over that puppy dog,--
    34 lines, 31 comments, on Jul 18 11:22 AM 2003. In Love, Humor, Angst
  • To the Lady I See Every Day on the Skywalk, a Declaration of Esteem
    Damn, girl, what would it take
    To tap that ass?
    16 lines, 10 comments, on Jul 18 2:39 PM 2003. In Erotica, Love, Humor
  • As We Were Leaving Hell
    As we were leaving Hell, I could not but think
    That my efforts-- at last!-- had gotten you out.
    28 lines, 14 comments, on Jul 19 1:09 AM 2003. In Other, Love, Humor
  • Big Pink People
    It was really a little more than I could stand,
    This pink hairy creature who wouldn't stop
    33 lines, 7 comments, on Jul 21 1:27 PM 2003. In Humor
  • Us
    the big people
    (not so big anymore)
    23 lines, 3 comments, on Jul 22 12:10 PM 2003. In Nature, Humor, Dark
  • Decorum in the Office
    How do I tell my co-worker
    That she has the fat ass I want?
    30 lines, 10 comments, on Jul 22 1:13 PM 2003. In Personal, Humor, Angst
  • Some of the Things That Piss Me Off
    So I got another e-mail today
    About some kid who has cancer or is missing a leg or something,
    36 lines, 8 comments, on Aug 20 4:13 PM 2003. In Personal, Humor
  • Recess in the Celestial Playground
    Against a backdrop of coldest black
    They flittered like children at play.
    27 lines, 5 comments, on Sep 15 4:17 PM 2003. In Other, Nature, Humor
  • Blockbuster
    The night it rained brilliant screenplays
    I was drinking a cup of stylish Yukon,--
    27 lines, 3 comments, on Sep 17 10:36 AM 2003. In Other, Humor
  • These Ironies Three
    The rushing of streams,
    What wonderful music plays:
    14 lines, 13 comments, on Sep 18 10:43 AM 2003. In Haiku, Other
  • Immaculate
    There was the Holy Spirit
    Espying sweet and tender Mary
    25 lines, 27 comments, on Sep 29 8:30 AM 2003. In Adult humor, Spiritual
  • Savanna
    Upon its mad, cackling snout
    The gnu rib smacked wetly,
    20 lines, 7 comments, on Oct 15 9:20 PM 2003. In Nature, Humor
  • Debts
    I owe more to Eddie Poe than Shakespeare
    In learning to give voice to my love,
    18 lines, 4 comments, on Nov 11 7:14 PM 2003. In Other, Humor
  • Delicious Murder
    Ah, if I could swim in the maroon tide
    Left by my slaughtered nourishment,
    16 lines, 2 comments, on Nov 18 8:08 PM 2003. In Society, Nature, Humor
  • What Did I Do Now?
    Each week, I flip to a show
    That calls itself a news show even though it isn't very informative,
    28 lines, 4 comments, on Dec 3 11:16 AM 2003. In Society, Humor
  • One Eight Hundred
    If they had invented the guillotine today,
    It would fold up nicely so you can stow it under the bed,
    19 lines, 9 comments, on Dec 5 10:24 AM 2003. In Society, Humor
  • Saccharine
    It's in the syrupy electronic words
    That, half-read, we forward to each other:
    34 lines, 10 comments, on Dec 11 5:52 PM 2003. In Personal, Humor, Contemporary
  • My Letter to Santa
    Oh, Santa, this year, as you fly through our cities,
    Remember me, who's been nice and not mean;
    16 lines, 7 comments, on Dec 24 5:22 PM 2003. In Humor
  • When I Muse Longingly Back on Hip Hop
    Drinking tepid water that suggests
    The flavor of decaffeinated coffee,
    19 lines, 4 comments, on Dec 30 6:43 AM 2003. In Humor
  • Gio Gets His Butt Kicked
    Damn! see her do her warm-up stretches,
    Thighs and calves taut under her pants,
    32 lines, 3 comments, on Jan 6 11:52 AM 2004. In Erotica, Humor
  • Sonnet "To Vacuous Entertainment"
    Among cascading cheers and whistles, I
    Feel so important throwing leather balls,
    13 lines, 4 comments, on Jan 7 11:07 AM 2004. In Society, Humor
  • Night Sky
    Ah, in mad gulps tasting refreshing night air,
    As if I'd been drowning, seeing bright light and dead relatives,
    33 lines, 12 comments, on Jan 9 9:17 AM 2004. In Other, Weird
  • Messenger R
    The microwave oven,
    The drive-thru pick-up window...
    26 lines, 3 comments, on Jan 21 10:08 PM 2004. In Other
  • Chi Rho
    Let's kick the shepherd off his wooden beam,
    Demand to see and walk and think again,
    14 lines, 16 comments, on Feb 4 12:28 PM 2004. In Other, Humor
  • Why Prayers Seem Never To Be Answered
    God is the master of tough love.
    0 lines, 11 comments, on Feb 6 12:04 PM 2004. In Humor
  • Down the Aisle
    "In another age, catching your wife fellating another man in a bathroom stall of a nightclub would have been sufficient grounds to remove her nose. Celebrate,
    11 lines, 8 comments, on Feb 11 10:49 AM 2004. In Society, Humor
  • The Lord Never Ate No Pork
    So listen to the crashing Pauline waves,
    Then celebrate with martyrs' vintage blood.
    13 lines, 31 comments, on Mar 17 4:59 PM 2004. In Humor
  • Spam Prayers
    Educated people sending PowerPoint apocalypse:
    "Credit chip, implanted seal and symbol of the Antichrist!"
    32 lines, 10 comments, on Mar 4 12:45 AM 2004. In Other
  • Anyone Can Be Maximus
    So well deserv'd, this paperweight that sits
    Upon the varnished mantel, trophy case,
    14 lines, 9 comments, on Mar 15 9:20 PM 2004. In Humor
  • The Passion of the Crust
    Wounds of pepperoni slices
    Scattered 'cross the twelve-inch disk
    13 lines, 48 comments, on Apr 1 7:25 AM 2004. In Humor
  • Jesus Ain't Painted No Eggs on the Cross!
    Pounce upon unsuspecting chocolates
    Hiding from predators in the grass...
    27 lines, 21 comments, on Oct 5 11:06 AM 2004. In Humor
  • Cheney's Daughter's Gay!
    Don't know if y'all have heard the word,
    It's rather silly and absurd....
    23 lines, 26 comments, on Jan 20 11:39 AM 2005. In Humor
  • Alimentary
    Gullible and naïve, our wallets yawn
    For redecorated candies:
    29 lines, 7 comments, on Mar 30 8:22 AM 2005. In Weird, Humor, Contemporary
  • Sonnet "Fuck Yeshua"
    When in White bow’ls white Wonderbread doth quake
    Awaiting Rapture through intestinal....
    26 lines, 16 comments, on May 12 12:52 PM 2005. In Weird, Adult humor
  • The Hard Life
    Baking under floodlights,
    Your bad taste in clothing splashed upon
    15 lines, 12 comments, on Feb 22 6:38 PM 2004. In Humor, Contemporary
  • Tiger, Pt. 2 (with Apologies to William Blake)
    Tiger, Tiger, dull and ag'd,
    Thy former strength forever cag'd
    23 lines, 10 comments, on Jul 17 1:39 PM 2003. In Nature, Humor
  • It Was Fun
    It was fun pushing that elderly woman into traffic,
    It was fun driving over that puppy dog,--
    34 lines, 31 comments, on Jul 18 11:22 AM 2003. In Love, Humor, Angst
  • To the Lady I See Every Day on the Skywalk, a Declaration of Esteem
    Damn, girl, what would it take
    To tap that ass?
    16 lines, 10 comments, on Jul 18 2:39 PM 2003. In Erotica, Love, Humor
  • As We Were Leaving Hell
    As we were leaving Hell, I could not but think
    That my efforts-- at last!-- had gotten you out.
    28 lines, 14 comments, on Jul 19 1:09 AM 2003. In Other, Love, Humor
  • Big Pink People
    It was really a little more than I could stand,
    This pink hairy creature who wouldn't stop
    33 lines, 7 comments, on Jul 21 1:27 PM 2003. In Humor
  • Us
    the big people
    (not so big anymore)
    23 lines, 3 comments, on Jul 22 12:10 PM 2003. In Nature, Humor, Dark
  • Decorum in the Office
    How do I tell my co-worker
    That she has the fat ass I want?
    30 lines, 10 comments, on Jul 22 1:13 PM 2003. In Personal, Humor, Angst
  • Some of the Things That Piss Me Off
    So I got another e-mail today
    About some kid who has cancer or is missing a leg or something,
    36 lines, 8 comments, on Aug 20 4:13 PM 2003. In Personal, Humor
  • Recess in the Celestial Playground
    Against a backdrop of coldest black
    They flittered like children at play.
    27 lines, 5 comments, on Sep 15 4:17 PM 2003. In Other, Nature, Humor
  • Blockbuster
    The night it rained brilliant screenplays
    I was drinking a cup of stylish Yukon,--
    27 lines, 3 comments, on Sep 17 10:36 AM 2003. In Other, Humor
  • These Ironies Three
    The rushing of streams,
    What wonderful music plays:
    14 lines, 13 comments, on Sep 18 10:43 AM 2003. In Haiku, Other
  • Immaculate
    There was the Holy Spirit
    Espying sweet and tender Mary
    25 lines, 27 comments, on Sep 29 8:30 AM 2003. In Adult humor, Spiritual
  • Savanna
    Upon its mad, cackling snout
    The gnu rib smacked wetly,
    20 lines, 7 comments, on Oct 15 9:20 PM 2003. In Nature, Humor
  • Debts
    I owe more to Eddie Poe than Shakespeare
    In learning to give voice to my love,
    18 lines, 4 comments, on Nov 11 7:14 PM 2003. In Other, Humor
  • Delicious Murder
    Ah, if I could swim in the maroon tide
    Left by my slaughtered nourishment,
    16 lines, 2 comments, on Nov 18 8:08 PM 2003. In Society, Nature, Humor
  • What Did I Do Now?
    Each week, I flip to a show
    That calls itself a news show even though it isn't very informative,
    28 lines, 4 comments, on Dec 3 11:16 AM 2003. In Society, Humor
  • One Eight Hundred
    If they had invented the guillotine today,
    It would fold up nicely so you can stow it under the bed,
    19 lines, 9 comments, on Dec 5 10:24 AM 2003. In Society, Humor
  • Saccharine
    It's in the syrupy electronic words
    That, half-read, we forward to each other:
    34 lines, 10 comments, on Dec 11 5:52 PM 2003. In Personal, Humor, Contemporary
  • My Letter to Santa
    Oh, Santa, this year, as you fly through our cities,
    Remember me, who's been nice and not mean;
    16 lines, 7 comments, on Dec 24 5:22 PM 2003. In Humor
  • When I Muse Longingly Back on Hip Hop
    Drinking tepid water that suggests
    The flavor of decaffeinated coffee,
    19 lines, 4 comments, on Dec 30 6:43 AM 2003. In Humor
  • Gio Gets His Butt Kicked
    Damn! see her do her warm-up stretches,
    Thighs and calves taut under her pants,
    32 lines, 3 comments, on Jan 6 11:52 AM 2004. In Erotica, Humor
  • Sonnet "To Vacuous Entertainment"
    Among cascading cheers and whistles, I
    Feel so important throwing leather balls,
    13 lines, 4 comments, on Jan 7 11:07 AM 2004. In Society, Humor
  • Night Sky
    Ah, in mad gulps tasting refreshing night air,
    As if I'd been drowning, seeing bright light and dead relatives,
    33 lines, 12 comments, on Jan 9 9:17 AM 2004. In Other, Weird
  • Messenger R
    The microwave oven,
    The drive-thru pick-up window...
    26 lines, 3 comments, on Jan 21 10:08 PM 2004. In Other
  • Chi Rho
    Let's kick the shepherd off his wooden beam,
    Demand to see and walk and think again,
    14 lines, 16 comments, on Feb 4 12:28 PM 2004. In Other, Humor
  • Why Prayers Seem Never To Be Answered
    God is the master of tough love.
    0 lines, 11 comments, on Feb 6 12:04 PM 2004. In Humor
  • Down the Aisle
    "In another age, catching your wife fellating another man in a bathroom stall of a nightclub would have been sufficient grounds to remove her nose. Celebrate,
    11 lines, 8 comments, on Feb 11 10:49 AM 2004. In Society, Humor
  • The Hard Life
    Baking under floodlights,
    Your bad taste in clothing splashed upon
    15 lines, 12 comments, on Feb 22 6:38 PM 2004. In Humor, Contemporary
  • Spam Prayers
    Educated people sending PowerPoint apocalypse:
    "Credit chip, implanted seal and symbol of the Antichrist!"
    32 lines, 10 comments, on Mar 4 12:45 AM 2004. In Other
  • Anyone Can Be Maximus
    So well deserv'd, this paperweight that sits
    Upon the varnished mantel, trophy case,
    14 lines, 9 comments, on Mar 15 9:20 PM 2004. In Humor
  • The Lord Never Ate No Pork
    So listen to the crashing Pauline waves,
    Then celebrate with martyrs' vintage blood.
    13 lines, 31 comments, on Mar 17 4:59 PM 2004. In Humor
  • The Passion of the Crust
    Wounds of pepperoni slices
    Scattered 'cross the twelve-inch disk
    13 lines, 48 comments, on Apr 1 7:25 AM 2004. In Humor
  • Jesus Ain't Painted No Eggs on the Cross!
    Pounce upon unsuspecting chocolates
    Hiding from predators in the grass...
    27 lines, 21 comments, on Oct 5 11:06 AM 2004. In Humor
  • Cheney's Daughter's Gay!
    Don't know if y'all have heard the word,
    It's rather silly and absurd....
    23 lines, 26 comments, on Jan 20 11:39 AM 2005. In Humor
  • Alimentary
    Gullible and naïve, our wallets yawn
    For redecorated candies:
    29 lines, 7 comments, on Mar 30 8:22 AM 2005. In Weird, Humor, Contemporary
  • Sonnet "Fuck Yeshua"
    When in White bow’ls white Wonderbread doth quake
    Awaiting Rapture through intestinal....
    26 lines, 16 comments, on May 12 12:52 PM 2005. In Weird, Adult humor
  • Pseudoscience
    There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance,
    But aliens planted hydrogen bombs into volcanoes
    And when we die we fly to Venus!
    76 lines, 13 comments, on Dec 23 9:12 PM 2007. In Weird, Spiritual, Humor
1 - 73 of 73

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