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so i'm about to relive a very dark part of my life which occured a few years ago. i figured it'd be best if i kept everyone away. its been two and a half months since i took pills and about a month since i've cut. today i tried to tell my mom by making her watch things that relate to me but based on her comments, i dby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Aug 13 11:52 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Diary, Life, Love, Pain, Personal, Real time, Sad. 100 words. → Make first comment?
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i can no longer write. i cant continue on. its gotten to the point where i cannot sleep at night due to my nightmares. i kno ur thinkin what does this have to do with writing? i learned last nite that the only time i'm plagued with nightmares is when i write. for example, last nite i was listening to william controlby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Jun 29 6:54 PM, In Bitter, Contemplative, Life, My own personal thoughts. 100 words. → Make first comment?
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i did it once before. its no biggie to me really . the only reason i'm still here at this moment is cuz i need to make sure my best friend will be okay when i do depart . its the least i could do. i've been mean to him, mainly cuz he's the only one who really gives a damn and shows it .by ShanaLynnMcCracken on Jun 13 1:16 AM, 500 words. → 5 comments, Add one?
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i'm contemplating about writing i said i was gonna give it up i said i was gonna give up on life yday i locked all my lyrics up today my horoscope says i need to awaken my mystic artist/poet that i need to express my perspective thru writing ironic? idk..... i was thinkin of postin the song about my dad if uby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Jun 10 12:14 AM, 100 words. → 1 comment, Add one?
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1 I'm the reason why no one wants to be around me. For some reason I'm still standing. I really cant take any more blows. Now that I'm actually okay for once it my life, it seems like I'm more alone now than ever. Maybe I left my real friends: drugs and knives for hypocritical ones. 2 3 The peby ShanaLynnMcCracken on May 30 10:22 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Friends, Life, Love, Pain, Sad, Thoughts. 1,200 words. → Make first comment?
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Today I have to go to a wake. I probably will not be attending the funeral though. Every time I hear of death, I only wish myself dead. You can turn on my cell phone and you are welcomed with ''I wish I would drop dead." I could pull off the Cobain, get drugged up and then blow my face off with a shot gun...by ShanaLynnMcCracken on May 14 4:27 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Diary, Life, Pain, Personal, Real time. 900 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
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I'm soooooo done becuz ppl really dont care. You can sit there in front of my face, you can text me or be on the phone with me and tell me different but this time, its not going to phase me. I know better. You expect me to tell you whats on my mind and let you know when things get tough. When I do, you dont wanna heaby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 28 3:35 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Diary, Friends, Life, Real time, Thoughts. 200 words. → Make first comment?
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I'm felling good today. I havent done anything to harm myself since the last time I did it. I really hope I'm done this time. I need to be. I know I cant cut cuz I'm getting a tatoo on that arm anyways. I wanna be done so bad but it never seems to be so easy when I go cold turkey. I'm naturally happy and havby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 27 9:07 PM, In Contemplative, Diary, Friends, Life, Love, Personal, Real time, Thoughts. 100 words. → Make first comment?
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i wake up to my mom yelling at me. complaining that if me and my bro dont get our shit together she's leaveing may 25.....gonna find her an apartmenat and not look back. as a good person: i would talk to my bro and get eveything together for we both are incompetent. as a bad person: well lets just say i would do someby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 26 2:30 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Friends, Life, Love, Real time, Thoughts. 300 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
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it's funny how your life can be perfect and then suddenly fall apart before your eyes. how you can be standing at the edge of everything, ready to throw it away, be at the brink of destruction but somehow, a small ray of light shines through the walls you have built around you and gives you hope. you hold on to thatby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 25 9:13 PM, In Angst, Friends, Life, Love, Thoughts. 200 words. → 1 comment, Add one?
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AVENGED SEVENFOLD LYRICS "Shattered By Broken Dreams" I see you fading away from us. I'll miss you very much. Room with empty bottles, broken dreams, and pride still running high, always on your side. But I wanted more for you. You can't go on this way. And now I see it all fall through. We pby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 23 7:49 PM, In Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Friends, Life, Love, Personal, Real time, Thoughts. 500 words. → Make first comment?
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people just dont understand the mind of a bi-polar, manic depressive. this is why i feel alone. i cant simply explain myself for its too emotional. writing is my only escape. forever i pictured my life to be like a movie, some sort of fairytale shit. my life is indeed a movie. i picked the genre a long timeby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 21 7:06 PM, In Bitter, Contemplative, Depression, Friends, Life, Love, Personal, Real time, Thoughts. 300 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
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I felt like posting that picture because thats sorta on my mind. I'm wrong about everything. I'm wrong about: not going to school not being able to get a job all guys apparently cutting myself to stop the pain wanting to just sleep forever I just want someone to tell me that I'm doing something riby ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 20 2:43 PM, In Angst, Bitter, Contemplative, Depresion, Diary, Life, Love, My own personal thoughts. 200 words. → 2 comments, Add one?
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I try & stay strong but sometimes I guess I dont want to. Music is the only thing that makes me happy......yet it makes me paranoid. Not much is keeping me here, from making a life altering decision. I dont know where to go. I dont know where to turn. Everywhere is a dead end. I dont see whats so wrong in what I do..by ShanaLynnMcCracken on Apr 19 7:38 PM, In Contemplative, Friends, Life, Love, My own personal thoughts, Real time. 100 words. → Make first comment?
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