My best friend is pregnant.
We both thought we were, my period was two weeks late, I took a test that said negative, and she took hers, and it said positive.
I'm depressed.
Jealous.
Mad.
I hate my ex-fiance for ruining my body, taking away my ability to have children.
I hate myself for letting him do it.
I hate my body for not being strong enough, when hers is.
I hate her.
I want to hate her.
I can't, she needs me now, more than ever, but I want to hate her, I want to break her.
I need to be stronger than this, but I keep falling, I keep breaking.
I go to sleep at night, and cry, because I know that her being pregnant, and her having the love of her life is more than I'll ever have.
She has her perfect little family.
Her perfect boyfriend, their perfect fetus. A fucking dog. Apartment.
I have my Zadon. My love. He's going to want kids, but we both know that I can't bear his children.
What am I supposed to do then?
I want to mother his children, so much...
But I can't, I'm broken, I'm fucked.
*sigh*
~Kit
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aww this is so sad.i really feel for you.so helpless but frustrating..
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The unfortunate thing is that I never really had Zadon. He didn't want me, he wanted who he wanted me to be.
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When will I get to be the one who someone else gushes over in their myspace status? Or the one who someone is actually HAPPY when they wake up next to me in the morning? Or the one who's getting fussed over because I'm pregnant? Although I know that one is impossible, I can't have kids. The point is, when will iton Aug 31 12:44 PM, 100 words. → Make first comment?
