.
Strange to say, even with Freda’s’ going, she gave something to us.
When I told Angela that her child was now even more important to us all She began to fight the sickness
And although it continued right through her pregnancy she was out of hospital in two day, after spending four weeks there
We had a wonderful funeral,(if there can be such a thing) the casket contained four long stemmed red roses and a image of Angela’s first baby scan
The casket was not seen by anyone including ourselves (it would have been to hard for us)
I know there were some who did not like not seeing the coffin,
Those who love tradition, but hell we wanted to celebrate her life, not mourn her death
The service was a CD I had compiled of all the songs that meant something to us. and that we loved
No words were spoken by anyone, (we are not religious), just the music playing. Each song recalling a memory with a tear
Play list
1 Your Song - Elton John playing on juke box when we first meet
2 Mouldy Old Dough -Lieutenant Pigeon - A hit when we wed
3 Can I Cry- Gene Pitney- Who we saw live our first anniversary
4 Killing Me Softly- Roberta Flack - Rebecca Born
5 Tears On My Pillow -Johnny Nash - Angela Born
6 Evergreen- Barbra Streisand - Natalie Born
7 Ava Maria- Aaron Neville - Natalie’s wedding march
8 Memories- Elvis Presley One we loved
9 Always and Forever - Luther Vandross ..
10 Fly- Celine Dion ..
11 The Dance - Garth Brooks ..
I had a booklet printed telling of our lives ,with picture and the words of the songs
No one could follow the coffin to the crematorium
as It was taken there while we were in the church
No flowers were permitted. But boxes placed in the church for donations to Breast cancer £850 was donated.
We had a huge party after. with a disco and running buffet
The occasion would have been one Freda would have loved
We now have a wonderful little grand son called Tommi.
This little chap has helped in more ways then he will ever know
To hold us together at such a time
It will be a year in two weeks time since Freda passed away
But we still laugh and joke at all the fun we had together.
And yes she is missed like hell but we will not give into self pity, we had a wonderful time as a family And to do any other would be to let her down
Yes life can deal some terrible cards , we never see it that way
We were, and are blessed
The memories that I hold dear
All softly sit behind a tear
To whisper gently in my ear
Don’t worry love, for I am here
We gathered them so long ago
They’re part of us they helped us grow
I stored them all to let me know
I’d have the strength to let you go
Today I know the sun has set
And it will take a while yet
Until my mind is less upset
And time will help me to forget
The memories that now remain
Will teach me how to smile again
Each time I wander down the lane
They’ll comfort me and ease the pain
Picture taken a couple of weeks ago at my house
Natalie. Tommi (my gorgeous grandson) Rebecca with her back towards us
Add your comment
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Dear Richard
I came to look for you as I miss you and stumbled on these journals.
My dear Richard I'm so sorry for your loss, I really am.
Take care and I hope to see you real soon.
Lots of love n hugs ....Lu xx -
Your Freda died knowing she was loved and surrounded by that love. How ever old we are when we die above all I think we need to know those things.
Thank you for letting us share this battle with you and for showing us your beautiful family.
My husband had aesosphageal cancer nearly 12 years ago but against all the odds he survived, one of the lucky ones. I count my blessings daily for that. -
very very poignant
We as young people would never grow old, we were confident in that thought, but now we understand how fragile we are. Life is indeed a roller coaster where the highs are breathtaking and the lows are totally destructive....Thank God for Children..... -
You have had your first year of anniversaries and I am going through mine and I can't even state in words how wonderful it has been to read of your journey with the dear Wife. I'm not at this place yet, though I did begin when David was in Hospice, i lost the will after he passed over.
So much love in your hearts and home, just the way it should be. I applaud the funeral arrangments you made - to suit Freda's choices rather than those of tradition. David asked for cheap and cheerful for his - we complied as much as possible to his request; after all it's our loved one the arrangements are for not the traditionalists.
I've met a new AP member today,he lost his wife 9 years ago and it still feels like yesterday at times for him. It's a testing time in this situation and (I trulyu hope your journal has helped you through the initial year. With love and respect - Von -
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Hi Von my dearest friend I will not pretend that life is always a bed of roses.
There are time when Freda is missed something terrible.
Strangely it is not anniversaries and such, but silly little things like being able to talk to her about some TV program I've been watching.
I watched one "Called My Breasts are Killing me ", the other week.It made me realize just how lucky we have been.
My daughters after seeing it have decided to have the Gene Test.
Freda carried it so there is a 50 50 chance that they do.
Even more scary is the fact that 85% of those who do. will catch breast cancer
They will each have their breasts removed if they do
A bit drastic i know but the alternative does not bare thinking about.
It would literal kill me to lose any one of them.
I am so pleased that you managed to carry out Dave's requests for the type of funaral he wanted. It is the very last and least thing we can do.
If you ever feel the need to talk please do not hesitate to call on me
I would be more than happy to do so
Take Care
sent with Love
Richard
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I can appreciate ...
your documentation of this event that would bring anyone to realize just how precious life can be. I am a closet-case for sharing my story of losing my beloved John to cancer but I did write a poem that became lyrics when a composer put them to music and then recorded them onto their C/D "Timeless". My poem: http://allpoetry.com/poem/3087454
It was 11 years in January and there are times that it feels like yesterday.
Bless you my friend for the strength to carry on! joy -
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Thank you Joy
The writing of this journal was more to keep me going through the times that seemed never ending.
I was posted in part to help others see that all is not sadness and weeping, (in fact that was something we did not do)
Also i wanted to show others the wonderful lady that selected me to be her husband and father of our fantastic girls.
Sorry to hear that you too walked this trail. You say it seems like yesterday to you even after 11 years.
To me i find it hard to imagine that Freda ever existed ( perhaps this is strange?
but in some ways it helps to move one)
There are days when i do wonder just how she would have enjoyed our first grandchild.(she missed seeing him by 6 months, Though she knew of him)
I will pop over and read you poem as soon as i have caught up on my reading and commenting
Take care
Richard
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I had to read the last part & this truly touched
my heart bringing tears with it...loss is a terrible
thing and to move on great strenght is needed.
I admire your courage as well as outlook of life...
take care Legend..
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I am at a loss for words here my friend. I knew that you had lost your wife but was unaware of the struggles. I lost both of my parents to that dreaded disease so I know a little first hand of how difficult and merciless it can be. Your outlook is amazing and I'm not sure I could hold up as well as you have. This has been a sad but inspiring journey I just went on with you and your daughters should be extremely proud of their Mother and their Father. Blessings to you my friend, I am in awe. Steve
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Steve My deepest thanks for your comments.
I am sorry to hear that you also went through this passage in your life.(though not surprised as it is reckoned one in three will suffer)
With so many in my wifes family suffering one form or another cancer,and seeing how they reacted there was no way we were going to walk the defeated path.
Freda was always positive, mainly because we as a family would not accept that we could be beaten as long as we were together.( look out world we stand against you)
I am not proud of myself,(as there were times when i felt that i should be able to do more ,I know this was not the case but still feel it) but i was/am so proud of my wife and daughters.
I can not say that it brought us closer together,(as we were always as close) i do think that as individuals we came out of it stronger.
Freda is still missed,but we talk about her all the time so in a way she still here.
Once again my thanks to you for taking time to comment
Richard
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Rickard, I am sad I didn't know..Death is not the end but a celebration of life... we go through life thinking we have troubles and read something like this that touches your soul.. as my tears pour from my eyes. and sadness in my heart..your loss is hard to take. I know one says she is in a better place.. I know she is but the lose on this end is hard to tow..I pray God will caress you hurting heart.. and ease this pain from you soul... I know God will put us in times and places we need to go... that is why he showed me your page.. to find you and send prayers your way to you and your family.. I will keep you there and pray God's loving arms take care of you all.. Hugs and God Bless you Angel♥
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Thank you Angel
I/we never considered life to be anything more that a time to live and enjoy as much as possible.
I would like to say that i have religious beliefs that carry me through ( but have not)
That i do not call on God in good times seems to me a bit hypocritical to do so when things are bad.
I thank you for your prayers and thoughts.
Though i have no leanings to religion i do not decry those who do.
What ever gives comfort can not be a bad thing.
Perhaps i will see Freda again, if not i will cherish the wonderful life/and daughters we shared together.
Take care
Richard
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How beautiful sixteen lines can be! They are tender, loving and poignant but also show your strength and determination to carry on and strive towards a brighter future.
It appears the relationship you shared with Freda was like a walled garden, a place that was strong and secure enough for you to grow together, and then nurture a loving family who grew to share their the beauty of their strengths with you. I have not commented on all entries but I have read them all and feel though you and your family have been through very difficult times, there is such an open and loving bond shared by all of you that you will see you to happier times. You may think you are forgetting Freda’s face but that is part of healing. When the bad memories fade the good will come to the fore and with it Freda’s smiling face will return to you as surely as a new rose blooming fresh in your walled garden. The journey ahead may take you along many different paths and some may be sad but many will be filled with joy when shared with your wonderful children and grandson. I hope all of you find comfort in each others love and peace in your hearts as you wend your way through life’s garden
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Thank you dear friend for your comments.Yes i guess our life was like a walled Garden, though we had many visitors who were welcome to sit a while with us,though we were always happy even if there were no others ( we just loved each other company).
I am not to worried about being unable to recall Freda's face,for that was just the clothes she wore,she was more than that.
I know there are good times (and maybe bad ones, these i know will be shared, enjoyed, or dealt with as always together and with love
Take care
Richard
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Richard he is GORGEOUS!!!! You are so blessed my friend. Tears and joy accompany this , your conclusion. You are so very right to celebrate Freda's life. In the celebration of her life her memory will shine bright and strong and all the love gathered over the years will live on in you all...Thank you so much for the privelidge of sharing these very special times with you.....You have a wonderful family.... mal
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Thank you Mal
Yes i believe Tommi is gorgeous ( but i may be bias) There was never any other way we were going to say Goodbye to Freda than the way we did.
Thank you for your comments
Richard
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Thank you Richard for allowing me the privilege of reading your very private journal and allowing me an insight to your life and that of Freda and your family. It has been both heart warming and sad, but throughout it all the love that you have shared has shone in this piece and I would like to wish you all a very happy and loving life.
Reading this bought back some very painful memories for me, but it also bought back more memories of laughter and the good times and as I'm writing this I'm smiling ... may you have much laughter and smiles in your life.
All the best Richard and once again ... Thank You
Sue x
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thank you so much Sue for the support you have given throughout this journals postings,That it brought back some painful memories to yourself hurts me, it was never my intentions to cause anyone such feelings.
That it also brought back good times is pleasing, everyone should have such pleasant thoughts when recalling loved ones.
I can assure you that the laughter continues We know no other way
Take Care
Richard
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The loss of life here is the gain of life there.
Life does go on and life will see you through till we are all together. Those left behind help keep those gone beyond fresh in our heart and bring comfort to make life bareable for those still here...mac -
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Thank you Mac
Life does go on and we have a duty to those who have left, to live it to the full.
If we should meet up again we will have to answer to them should we waste it
Take care
Richard
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I can do nothing more than stand and applaud your wonderful celebration of life. You are indeed blessed my friend. ~Pamela
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Thank you Pam
As i have mentions to others
Life to me is a wonderful thing, not to be wasted in negative things and thoughts.Thank you for your comments
Richard
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And so life goes on...
What a special and wonderful idea to make the bold choices you did for Freda's funeral. Left in the hands of funeral directors, you can be made to feel so completely disempowered, adding to the rawness of your grief, but you and your girls held on to your power by doing things in your own unique way, and I applaud you for that. Right to the end, you held true to yourselves and to Freda.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! I love the poem, too.
Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story with us. You have humbled us all with your words, the laughter through the tears, your incredible fortitude ~ and most of all, with Freda's brave battle.
I'm not religious either, but if there is a god up there, I hope he blesses you and your lovely family.
Thanks again, Richard.
Lou x -
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Thank you dear Lou
as you say life goes on(as it should)
As to the funeral, the life was ours and no one was going to take over the death.(I have my own planned ) The funny thing about it, was as soon as it was over everyone commented on how enjoyable it was ( in the circumstances)
I am so pleased that the outcome of this journal has given Freda the recognition of just how wonderful she was. Something i must admit i never really thought about at the time.Guess we tend to take things for granted.
Love
Richard
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Thank-you for posting one of the most life-affirming pieces I have seen anywhere on the web. Congratulations on having "got it right"!
Jeff -
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Thank you Jeff
Life to me is and has always been something to treasure even the hard times give one something to measure the good times by.Guess i am just happy and lucky to have so far had one that the good has outweighed the bad
Take care
Richard -
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I have a rule in life, only good days count. I store them up as treasures, bad days you throw away when you go to bed.
Life is something to treasure, the alternative is much less appealing
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Precisely my sentiment Jeff
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I am reminded by your words how important is family. You have and are truely blessed to have shared you life with such a terrific lady. Yes your memories will no doubt sustain you and yours. May your life continue to be filled with love overflowing and I thank you for sharing this most intimate part of your life. God Bless.
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Thank you Di You are correct family are to my mind all that matters a strong one can let you accept everything life throws at you and still love it.
I know my life will continue without Freda will be wonderful I/we refuse to let it be other
Take care
Richard
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So, you continue each today to hold life near and dear, and how can she not be part of that?. To me that is a breathing faith, and whatever tribute to life that your wife is now, I can't help feeling that the conscious part of us continues and knows the love that is.
That you exude the good things of memory and present moments is a gift of spirit, the arms of heart, and a smile that touches my own hope and inner aspirations of love.
Beautiful little boy, Grandpa!
Thank you for sharing.
Karen
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Thank you Karen
Sadly i find that the image fades its hard to recall her face (perhaps its part of the healing) the memories though are clear as day
These are what keep her with us.
To hear Tommi call Granddad is the sweetest sound i know
Freda would have loved to have heard Grandma
Take care
Richard
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Dear friend,
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes having just finished reading the last few segments of this saga and loving you and your family for all the courage and strength you all showed through this entire experience. What a loving tribute Freda's service was to her and her life. Loved the picture in the last segment ( what a beautiful family!). Thank you so much for sharing this
Ruth -
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Thank you Dearest Ruth
The only sad part about the service was that Freda missed it, She love a party
No doubt she kept an eye on us,just to make sure we did not get up to any mischief (a right little mother hen)
Now this journal can be put to bed Thank you for your comments
Take care
Richard
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It is wonderful how you celebrated her life, and continue to do so through your beautiful family....
I am speechless , touched and just wanted to leave
Lynda
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Thank you Lynda
A life should be celebrated, each one is special
Born with tears and ending with them, but inbetween there has to be times that make one joyous just to be part of it.
Take care
Richard
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