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Fredas' (my Wife) Battle ( entry 31 part one)

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8/11/2007

I see that I last wrote in my journal in February 2006 Much has happened since then. Not all good I am afraid
If the year started of bad, it only got worse

Early in the year (March ) my mother ( who was 89) had a huge stroke (something she always feared as my father had, had one) she, like him lost the use of her right side and the ability to speak, ( the worst thing that could have happened to her she loved to talk.)

For weeks I visited her in hospital expecting her to die.
She didn’t eat for weeks on end, they could not force feed her as she could not give them permission ( is the world fucking stupid? she can‘t speak)
She does not recognise any of us ( I know she would rather be dead)

We managed to get her into a nice home. Though it is painful to see such an once active lady so,

Ruth my niece who was due to go in for a double mastectomy, duly had the operation, she returned home and all went well for a couple of months.
She then started to have trouble breathing, and was readmitted in August the cancer had moved to her lungs She passed away 6th October aged 33

Freda who had her third lot of chemo sessions developed problems with pain in her back all related to the cancer that had spread to her bones.

After two weeks in hospital ,while they got the pain under control. She returned home.

That night on the way to bed she fell backward down the stairs cracking her head . She was unconscious

Lifting her head I saw my hands covered in blood. I knew I had to phone an ambulance but hated to leave her laying there, but knowing that to move her may do more harm.

After getting her to the hospital and a few hours waiting in A&E

She was stitched up they were going to keep her in ,but Freda who had just come out of hospital that afternoon insisted on going home
To her own bed
What Freda Wants Freda Gets

After nights sleep at home , (not that long as we did not get back from the hospital until the early hours)
She woke up and needing to go to the toilet tried to get out of bed. Her balance had completely gone

Back on the phone for an ambulance.

They were a bit sharp asking why I had not gone through our G.P After a few choice words, things were sorted

Once at hospital they did a scan, there was some sort of fracture
caused bleeding into her brain, though it was not major they kept her in
She had only spent a few hours at home and here she was back in hospital yet again

A short stay rolled into weeks as it had effected her balance, bit like a stroke

She then caught what we were told was a chest infection. She had now been in for eight weeks. and was fed up with everything

It was made worst by Angela (my middle daughter) being hospitalise

While it was not bad news , (in fact it was good news)
She is pregnant with our first Grandchild.
Freda knew and was overjoyed
But the pregnancy had made Angels continually sick 20 /40 times a day.

She lost two stone They were both in different hospitals
So did not see each other.
I was travelling between hospitals to visit each

On the 21 November 2006 we were informed that Freda’s’ cancer had spread to her lungs
I asked the doctors/medical staff not to mention it when dealing with her.
They were wonderful no one mentioned it when treating her

Three days later we were called at 05 30 am On the 24th Nov
She was worse
Freda was still alert and conscious to all that was going on

She asked us ,Me, Rebecca and Natalie what we were doing there.
I informed her that we were sick of her being in hospital , and were arranging for her to come home. She was over the moon

We spent all day there talking laughing and my daughters at times laying by her side.
Around half four She felt a little pain. We asked for it to be relieved
It was .

She was very tired but still battling (we had taught her to well) I kept telling her it was Ok to sleep. While asking her dead mother to come for her daughter

At four forty five she passed away. Happy knowing she was heading home. And that she was to be A grandma. She never knew the cancer had reached her lungs

I always phoned Angela after we had visited Freda just to let her know how things were.
That night when I phoned her (not wanting her to spend the night alone thinking about it) I lied ( the first time ever) I told her Freda was struggling for breath but was settled when we left.

Early next morning we all went to visit her in hospital.
I can still see the smile on her face when she saw me ( I still well up whenever I think of it)

It was the hardest thing to have to do, with her going through so much herself.

We stayed all day with her. I was uncertain whether to book into the hospitals hotel and stay with her
In the end decided that sooner or later she would have to face the night alone so we left



The picture shows my wonderful ladies take a couple of years before Freda's cancer returned

Back row Rebecca - Freda
front Natalie. Angela. Mother

T.B.C




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1 - 16 of 16

  • Lulu Gee silver member
    October 30
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    Dear Richard


    x


  • Symphony
    August 12
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    Legend,

    I have so many tears filling my eyes at the moment reading this journal. I *knew* it was a bad idea to read it but couldn't stop myself either - as others have said, you have such a way with words and writing ... and I commend you your bravery in being able to sit yourself down and let it all out ; we're not all that strong.

    May she rest in peace


    • Legend silver member
      August 12
      Edit | Reply
      Dear Symphony please do not feel too bad.It was a wonderful life,if somewhat shorter than i would have wished, some are given more and it is wasted ours never was.
      As to bravery that was Freda's not mine This was for her the posting. although the writing of it was for me at the time of it all happening just to let me deal with it
      Thank you so much for your caring comments


  • Princess Perdue gold member
    May 2
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Legend, I managed to read all your journal this afternoon, it made me feel so sad, but the courage, love and positive thinking from all of you brought my mood back up. I think you all faced *the little bastard* with such bravery, and did your very best to try and keep spirits up. Almost everyone has had some dirty dealing with the big C ...my own wonderful daddy died of multiple myeloma *cancer of the blood*...a two year battle of high and lows. I would love to see your journal on the shelves of book shops, I'm sure the way you have written it would be so helpful to many others.....it made me laugh and made me cry, but most of all it showed me that others ( your family )had been through the same things as my own family. Legend ...you are blessed with three wonderful daughters and a grandson. I hope your loss, and pain is healing day by day, and with the love of such a caring family. Thank you so much for sharing this private and personal time of life with all of us. You have done an amazing job, and not without many tears I bet. God bless you Legend.

    Shaz xx


    • Legend silver member
      May 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Shaz
      for reading and commenting.That you too were touched by this little bastard grieves me. Though i should not be surprised when they say that one in three will come into contact with cancer of some form.
      I am pleased that you managed a smile or two,I was hoping when i posted it, that anyone reading would see that there can be fun and laughter even in dark times.
      At the time of writing it I gained comfort from the fact that i could put down just how i felt.
      Strangely it was more painful reading it after two years than when i penned it.
      There were part that made me cry even though i had not at the time.
      Usually it was something the girls said said or did.Natalie's E.mail had me blubbering like a baby once again.
      Though some of the things we did to and with Freda brought wry smiles to my face.
      Through all of it I would not change a single day of our lives for all the wealth in the world.
      As for the healing Young Tommi has had a huge effect in doing that.
      From pain comes pleasure without a doubt
      Take care my dear Friend


      Richard


  • paperparadox silver member
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Reading this journal series, on a personal level, has been like watching a much-loved movie...you know the end is going to be sad, but every time you watch it a ridiculous, tiny shred of hope lives on deep inside that somehow the ending will miraculously become a happy one...

    I read these latest journal entries with my hands over my face, peering through splayed fingers..not wanting the read the inevitable...but not able to look away.

    So sorry; so sad.

    Rest in Peace, dear Lady.

    (P.S: No wonder you are so proud of all your girls...they are beautiful!)

    xxxx


    • Legend silver member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Lou I realize that at times this journal has contained sections that were far from light reading.
      Sadly life is not like the films, we don't all leave feeling happy.
      This was a wonderful passage in my life, but i know with out a doubt that there are lots more to come.
      Our Grandson Tommi will see to that, He has inherited our wacky personality
      and has us in fits every day.
      Strangely i see nothing of Freda in him, but the same habit of sticking his tongue out when he is concentrating on something
      Exactly the same way she did its weird.
      With my wonderful girls along with me i know there are some wonderful times to come

      Take care
      Richard


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    Some people live to be 100 and never really live. Others live a lifetime full of joy, pain, fun and drama by the time they're graduating from high school. I know from your journal that those close to you suffered no lack of love, and your sense of humor is, well... Legend.

    Thank you for posting this journal that defines what things are truly important in this life... love, respect, dedication and truth.

    Peace be with you and your family.


    • Legend silver member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Jim
      What you say is so true,I would not shed one day of our lives for another 50 years on earth.
      That I wish it had been longer goes without saying.
      Yet how can one complain when the time given was spent enjoying it.
      At the end of the day when one can look back and say i have no regrets, there is nothing more to ask.
      Take care
      Richard

  • Judith Chandler
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    All so brave, and you went through so much in such a short time. It's a good idea to keep a diary, I find, when so much is happening. If you have the time.


    • Legend silver member
      April 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Judith,
      The pain we went through only highlighted just how fortunate our lives had been, (and still are) blessed.
      One can not appreciate one with out the other
      Take care
      Richard


  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    (With tears in my eyes)
    Thank-you, this series has been inspirational and painful at once, I am grateful for the chance to have read it and wish you had not had cause to write it.
    All the best to you, from now one of course
    Your friend
    Jeff


    • Legend silver member
      April 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Jeff
      I must admit to choking up a little while reading myself while posting.
      I too wish it had not been written,but I am so glad it was.
      It was part of my happy life and showed me how lucky i am.
      Just one more section to add then it can be put to bed
      Take Care
      Richard

  • Topnotchsy
    April 21
    Edit | Reply
    I can not imagine the pain you are going through, and I am amazed at the incredible strength you have to not only continue on, but maintain a positive outlook, and continue penning enjoyable, often humorous writes. You are an inspiration!!

    What is your granddaughters name?


    • Legend silver member
      April 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you dear Friend for your comments.
      As for carrying on to do otherwise would be to let Freda down.I can't alter what has passed so it will remain where it is In the past
      As for my granddaughters name, I know that my life seems full of girls but Tommi would be most upset to be seen as one He is a little man in all senses of the word
      and love more than any child on earth
      Take care
      Richard

      • Topnotchsy
        April 21
        Edit | Reply
        I apologize wholeheartedly to Tommi.

        By carrying on with strength and courage you are keeping her life and legacy alive within you. No one ever dies completely as the results of our actions live on forever in those we leave behind (and continues on in the people that they influence forever.) Those who have lived a positive life thereby make the world a better place for the rest of time.

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