Letting it All Out
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- by Zombie in Love
- © All rights reserved.
I'm sure a million people have ever wanted to rewind time or wish a day, week... month never happened. I promise that the cliche saying,"everything happens for a reason".. right now is shit to me. I want to take away the month of August and disintegrate it between my fingers. It was absolutely horrible. Nothing happened for a reason and I have to pour my heart out right now or else I won't be able to sleep tonight. Just the like the past nights have been.
I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for two years.. and he is everything that I ever wanted. I took him for granted at times and wished he would do things that he used to do but you know, you really realize things after a while. I have realized that I am not the type of girl who wants their boyfriend to buy flowers spontaneously or write them love letters once a week or send them ily's in a text every 45 minutes to show them how much they care. Our relationship wasn't the type of romance where I awaited his lips to brush mine to send butterflies racing through my stomach, it was simple. I loved being with him no matter what we were doing. I loved him in so many ways that no prose and no words could ever explain how I felt. It was complicated sometimes because I didn't realize how much he meant to me because we were together.. but now that we are apart, I feel like a part of me is gone. I can't even be myself or comfortably smile and mean it. I was so naive and stupid to have let him sift through my grasp... and I regret it. We had everything and we were so content and I ruined it... I over analyzed everything and saw so much negative and didn't realize that there was so much more positive... I doubted his love for me and it was the most selfish thing I have ever done. Now I miss his good night i love you's.. and the way he kissed me with meaning, and how he loved when I laid my head on his shoulder and how he held my hand as tight as he could and he would linger his fingers when I would have to let go... and now I wish I had never let go.
I thought a month of apart would bring back the spark... but I know now that we had it and I let it fade away. He may never want me back... I hurt him and I may have lost the one who was most important to me... I miss how he wouldn't say anything on the phone because he wanted to hear me talk. If I could go back a month, I would never have ended us. I would hold him as long as I could and laugh and be so happy and content and I would never take him for granted again. I had him.... and I lost him. I lost the one person that made me feel complete. I miss him more than anything and without him, life is so unbearable. He used to lift my burdens and make me care free... he was my missing puzzle piece and now I am nothing. I am bent cardboard that is useless.
Most humans have done what I have done... they doubt. And they lose everything that meant everything to them. Colby is my everything and if I had to go back two years ago, I would do everything all over again.. and I would make sure that I was always happy with him. I'd never find time to nag or find negative. Being with him completes me. Sometimes.. you don't even know you are complete until half that part of you is ripped from you; and then everything about you falls apart. Every memory I ever had with him lingers with me. Everything I do and everything I am and I know I can't feel this way with anyone else because there is no one else like him. Every guy I've ever dated I never opened up to and I opened up to him more than anything. It's so hard for me to let go of my insecurities and when I was with him, I let go of everything and all I saw was him. He is the first to ever give me butterflies by just a smile; no words included. The first to make my heart burst and beat out of my chest when he kissed me. The first to kiss me and I could kiss back... and I lost all of it.
I'm trying to win him back but it is so difficult... nothing I say or do helps. If he could just understand how sorry I am... and open up to me again... I'd do anything for him. I wish things would just go back to normal, just pretend August never happened and he would hold me in his arms again never want to let me go. I am sorry but I can't stop crying. He is the only guy I have ever cried so many tears for and I know he is the only one worth it...
if you actually read this, I'm so sorry. I just had to let this out. I know it sounds melodramatic and depressing but it's what I am going through right now...
I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for two years.. and he is everything that I ever wanted. I took him for granted at times and wished he would do things that he used to do but you know, you really realize things after a while. I have realized that I am not the type of girl who wants their boyfriend to buy flowers spontaneously or write them love letters once a week or send them ily's in a text every 45 minutes to show them how much they care. Our relationship wasn't the type of romance where I awaited his lips to brush mine to send butterflies racing through my stomach, it was simple. I loved being with him no matter what we were doing. I loved him in so many ways that no prose and no words could ever explain how I felt. It was complicated sometimes because I didn't realize how much he meant to me because we were together.. but now that we are apart, I feel like a part of me is gone. I can't even be myself or comfortably smile and mean it. I was so naive and stupid to have let him sift through my grasp... and I regret it. We had everything and we were so content and I ruined it... I over analyzed everything and saw so much negative and didn't realize that there was so much more positive... I doubted his love for me and it was the most selfish thing I have ever done. Now I miss his good night i love you's.. and the way he kissed me with meaning, and how he loved when I laid my head on his shoulder and how he held my hand as tight as he could and he would linger his fingers when I would have to let go... and now I wish I had never let go.
I thought a month of apart would bring back the spark... but I know now that we had it and I let it fade away. He may never want me back... I hurt him and I may have lost the one who was most important to me... I miss how he wouldn't say anything on the phone because he wanted to hear me talk. If I could go back a month, I would never have ended us. I would hold him as long as I could and laugh and be so happy and content and I would never take him for granted again. I had him.... and I lost him. I lost the one person that made me feel complete. I miss him more than anything and without him, life is so unbearable. He used to lift my burdens and make me care free... he was my missing puzzle piece and now I am nothing. I am bent cardboard that is useless.
Most humans have done what I have done... they doubt. And they lose everything that meant everything to them. Colby is my everything and if I had to go back two years ago, I would do everything all over again.. and I would make sure that I was always happy with him. I'd never find time to nag or find negative. Being with him completes me. Sometimes.. you don't even know you are complete until half that part of you is ripped from you; and then everything about you falls apart. Every memory I ever had with him lingers with me. Everything I do and everything I am and I know I can't feel this way with anyone else because there is no one else like him. Every guy I've ever dated I never opened up to and I opened up to him more than anything. It's so hard for me to let go of my insecurities and when I was with him, I let go of everything and all I saw was him. He is the first to ever give me butterflies by just a smile; no words included. The first to make my heart burst and beat out of my chest when he kissed me. The first to kiss me and I could kiss back... and I lost all of it.
I'm trying to win him back but it is so difficult... nothing I say or do helps. If he could just understand how sorry I am... and open up to me again... I'd do anything for him. I wish things would just go back to normal, just pretend August never happened and he would hold me in his arms again never want to let me go. I am sorry but I can't stop crying. He is the only guy I have ever cried so many tears for and I know he is the only one worth it...
if you actually read this, I'm so sorry. I just had to let this out. I know it sounds melodramatic and depressing but it's what I am going through right now...