You know the other night before my art class i went for a walk in town. Along the mall by myself, and you know what i knew it was dangerous. in fact i was waiting for something to happen. Was hoping something would happen. It wasnt that i was suicidal. i wasnt i just lost my purpose somewhere along the way. and i dont wanna live for the sake of being alive? otherwise everything is pointless. and i dont want to have a pointless life. so here i was walking along. in the dark in a dangerous place. hoping that a bus would hit me or maybe someone would mug me. because that way if i survived it id have a reason to live. id have that fight, that zest for life ive been searching for. but nothing happened. nothing ever happens. i wanted to scream. i wanted a knife to my throaght. i wanted to be scared. to feel the need to live. i felt nothing. i felt alone. and i felt empty. and now with all thats happened in recent days i dont want to be alive anymore. i dont want the zest. and i dont want to fight to survive. i want to give in to the pain. i want to bleed out all the hurt. i want the walls painted red. i want the disaster. i want the tragedy i want the suffering to end in one climactic finale. i want to make it hurt on the way and burn out quietly. to fade away and nobody will even notice.
