Untitled

I suppose it's all self inflicted really. I haven't cried for three days and three nights, I've had to make myself cry. I'm sat listening to songs we used to listen to together and they bring back so many memories they could kill me. I miss the person I fell in love with, he loved me, we needed each other and never went anywhere without each other. We were so happy together, everything was perfect. I want him back so much but I can't, that's whats hurting me the most, I feel like I've lost someone to an ugly addiction, I never knew how painful it would be loving someone who doesn't love you back. I want him to come back to me, tell me he is cured of all of his problems and love me again, I want him to hold me, lie next to me in bed. I miss having physical love, having someones skin next to mine, arms around me, keeping me safe. I need to be freed of this personal torture but only he can do it, only he can fix what he's done and he won't, he's been in my head all day and I've been hoping he will magically appear sober, but it never happens, he's always red faced and staggering across the street. I still love him and want him to stop damaging himself because I STILL LOVE HIM and I can't help it, I need him and his love. I want to scream and shout to get this pain out of me, I want to feel something else because this is really killing me and it's getting harder and harder everyday.