I haven't written a journal in quite some time. I really should get back into the habit, it seems to keep me somewhat sane and saves me from lashing out at those closest to me, even if they are the entire reason I'm angry.


This is directed at everybody and nobody.

What is it about human beings that makes us feel it's OK to guilt somebody into doing something, emotional blackmail as it were, take advantage of other people when you figure out their weakness is the word "No". I, myself, just can't say it where certain people are concerned and once these certain people realise it, that's it, I'm forever dropping my own important stuff to go and sort out their messy love lives / cover a shift at work because they're too hungover / etc. etc. Whether or not it is intentional on their part, I don't know. But, this leads to me being very unhappy and generally not saying a word, because although it's putting me out, I do like to help people as best I can. This is what happened with my ex. I did everything I could to make him happy, without complaining to him (although I'm sure I did bend someone's ear over it), and I did not receive neither thanks nor the same courtesy. This is why I ended up hating him. He is not the first and he won't be the last.

Some time after we broke up, I found myself again. I became someone I liked once more. She was considerate of others, but took care of herself too. Lately though, and I know it's nobody's fault but my own, I've found myself becoming that old Michelle again. To be honest, I hate her. I don't want to be her. The very thought of her makes me despair. So, forgive me if I get angry with you, I'm getting angry with myself, too, probably moreso than you. Please though, don't just apologise, take note of what it is you (and I) have done to upset me and let us avoid the situation in future.

Also, know that I love you and, that by the time I reach my driveway, I miss you.