How Far?

It's a strange feeling.

Realising you had these feelings for me, when you'd not had them before; it scared me... And I didn't expect it to, nor did I expect the reaction I gave you.

You love me, and I, in a sense, love you as well. Not as much, as whole and as completely as perhaps you do; I was in a very long relationship where I loved the man I was with, and you made me realise, we weren't in love anymore, just in routine.

So, my expections for you are pretty high I guess.

You're new at this, I keep forgettin that.
You're not used to relationships.
You're unprepared for what I say sometimes.

I'm still upset about Monday night. How at the start you help me so lovingly, I knew you'd missed me and were happy to see me, but when she showed up, and your 5hour gaming session begun, I felt the twinge of loneliness.
Although I was sat next to you for the entire 5hours, I felt ignored, I felt invisiable, like I wasn't there, like I didn't matter.
You didn't understand what was wrong...
It was only when I refused a hug and took one kiss from you and walked away that you did realise something was wrong.
You apologised; but I was still upset, I ignored you for a bit in hope I would calm down.
Yet, I'm STILL upset.

I'm trying to hint it to you, without having to tell you, so you don't feel like an idiot.
If you guess it, then that way, you'll feel better for realising.

But, in this way, I'm pushing myself away from you.
I'm being cold, I'm not talking to you like I normally do.
I don't text you, or expect you to text me.
I don't talk to you, nor expect you to start the conversation.

I'm scared though...
How much will I push you away until you understand?
How far do I need to get away from you until you realise?
What will it take for you to see?