Painting... and More

I started painting last night with two of my friends from work: Chelsea and Patrick. It felt so good to bring art back into my life.

I've never truly tried painting before. It was very relaxing and fun. We were using canvases and acyrlic paints. I think I'm going to paint more often.

Art was always a big part of my life. I would put my writing and drawing supplies in my beach bucket (hung from a tree branch by rope), and hoist my stuff into the tree. I would climb my favorite tree, and write about anything, draw anything. I'd be in that tree for hours. When I moved from one town in NJ to another, I was never outside. I didn't have much of a yard, there were no trees to climb, and I lived on a busy road so I couldn't ride my bike, roller-blade, skateboard, play street-hockey, and play other sports... Therefore, I lost my writing and artistic side and more.

Many things have caused me to not bring that side of me back... moving to Florida, being stuck at home when I lived with my mother, and recently I've been holding on to my last relationship, trying to see what I could have done to make it work, when in fact... I did EVERYTHING I could and then some. It drained the energy... no, the LIFE out of me.

I want my life back! I want my art back! I want my energy to be at a COMPLETE homeostasis as it was when I was younger... happier.

I'm tired, guys (and dolls)! I'm tired of one of my bosses not letting me look the way I want to (he use to, and I don't know what happened; maybe he thought it was a phase). I'm tired of being there for other people, but when I need someone they aren't there for me. I'm tired of being used for money. I don't mind loaning money. Matter-of-fact, I loan money (and things) and don't expect to see that money back. You shouldn't... You should consider that money spent/gone. But, I'm tired of loaning money to those who won't get a grip on life and fend for themselves! I have to support myself and my dog by myself. Sorry, but I need MY money more!

I'm a good person, and I don't like to see people struggle, but you know what? "It's not my problem!" (Thank you Blair for that awesome quote!) You're not my problem. You're your parents problem!

Stop dwelling on the past!

~Yeah, you had cancer as a child! That really sucks, and I wish you and your family didn't have to go through that, but guess what? You lived! Now, stop trying to get pity for your past, and get a fuckin' grip! Stop using that part of your life to get what you want!

~Yeah, you fucked up your relationship with me 5 years ago! You're fake, and until your change that, we can't even try to be friends!

~Yeah, people now-a-days don't know how to tip, but when you get bad tips as consistantly as you do, did you ever stop to think maybe it's you?!

~I'm sick and tired of you not appreciating the things you've got! One in paticular is that sweet fuckin' super-charged car you got and haven't given yourself time to appreciate it. Yeah, I enjoyed talking about it before, but now... just shut up! You've had it for a few months and all ready did so many modifications to it. Why do you think I can't be happy when you get something new? It's like you can get yourself satified. What are you going to do if you crash that car? All that money you spent in a few short months will be gone, and do you really think your parents will keep helping you?! Slow down on the mods.! That car is not going to fill the void you feel inside!

This was suppose to just be about how much I enjoyed painting last night, but whatever. LOL.

This was to many different people... I might add more.