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I finally snapped, after months of invisible abuse I broke down. He said I couldn't have a friend stay over, made threats and became that person again, I chased after him in the street and gave him a peice of my mind, screamed, shouted and slapped him in the face. Our 'private' business was out for every one to see, but still almost everyone is on his side. I scared my little girl for slamming the door shut and that makes me feel guilty, she sat there and wimpered, my whole body shook so much I thought I would drop her, so I took her up to bed with me and had a cuddle. Being in such a state I forgot to lock the front door and he came wandering in asking why I slapped him. Told him to get out, so he went after i pushed him out. My eyes filled with tears at the mess I've become, am I as bad as im for slapping him, screaming and shouting at him? I felt like hurting myself, just to feel something other than the pain, betrayal and humiliation I already feel. I want him back, but I want him back without all these things that hurt me, I don't want to give in to him and put my trust into him again, only for him to go and abuse that. I've made so many phonecalls today in hope of finding some hope and support for myself. It just has to be a bank holiday so no where is open. Women's Aid helplines are supposed to be 24 hrs, I rang ten times to get through to no one. I'm already on medication to calm my nerves and help me sleep but they're not working, so I phoned the doctor and he couldn't help. I feel alone and at a loss, I feel frightened to walk out of the door in case he carries out his threats, I feel frightened of letting my friend come back here in case something terrible happens to him. But this is what happens when someone gets involved with a jealous, insecure person, they start to control your life and use intimidation to get that control. It takes about a dozen phone calls to get some proper help and support and for someone to take victims of domestic abuse seriously. Until then we have a voice that is rarely heard, our opinions as vunerable people don't matter. That's because we have no physical evidence to show, quite frankly I think it's a piss take.