Starting Over Again

Its been 9 years that I've been dating and recently had another relationship fail. For those of you who are wondering no I didnt start dating until I was 18. I was the one who ended the relationship although I do regret that it wasnt working out. Its not her fault I think the biggest part of it is just the age difference. I never realized it how much your outlook and mentality on life changes as you get older. My ex is now 20 (Happy birthday if your reading this) which makes the age different 6 1/2 years. I've dated some that were younger than her but up until this point had been firtunate enough that they were somewhat mature for there age so my ex was a fairly new experiance to me. And please dont take that as a slight against her she just acted her age.

But with the end of this relationship I find my mind wandering back to an old relationship. My ex Danielle was one of the most incredable unique women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And since we split up there isnt a single that that one of my relationships has failed and I lok back regetting what me and her had. You would think of all the relationship failures I would regret the most it would be my ex fiance or the ex that would ahve been the mother of my child had she survived the accident, But its not. What mental power she has on me I will never know. Maybe its just a bond that cant be broken. And I hate to be compaired to the exs of this im dating but I find myself compairing all of them to her after the fact. I know if i could find even remotely close to what I had with her that I would never let that go.

Some of you will probably wonder why I dont just get back with Danielle. Well for one I did try and it never worked out. But she is engaged now and has a beautiful little girl with her fiance. (I have a poem written about her daughter) Her daughter there for a while being the only reason she even stayed around him. but they have managed to work through things and will probably be getting married soon although the date hasnt been set yet. We agreed that it was best that we not phtsically be around each other so I wont be at the wedding personally. We still talk alot, usually at least once a week if not more depending on our work schedules. The reason for the agreement though was because we are to afraid what would happen emotionally between us if we were around each other again. She is still one of my dearest friends though and one who i will never get rid of no matter what.

So I guess in the end its all come down to I have failed at a relationship and am starting over regretting what i consider as the biggest relationship mistake I have ever made. (breaking up with danielle 2 1/2 years ago) and I'm leaft ehre wondering in starting over again if I'm ever gonna find that bond and that level of attachment that I had with her again. Lets hope so because I'f I dont im destined to live the rest of my life as a single man.