My Little Journal

So yea I have a lot of shit on here about a lot of pain I was going through over this guy Josh. Josh is the love of my life, I never loved anyone quite like I love this man. I gave up somethings and even someone who DID mean a lot to me to be with him, many felt I was stupid for doing what I did, but I believe I did what needed to be done for my happiness. We stayed together for around a year living together, in a beautiful home I might add, it was everything I ever dreamed of. As a child I suffered through a lot of unnecessary pains, my family life was no where near the "norm". I had an addict for a mother and various other abuses through my life that I choose not to get into, and being with him was like a fairytale, for a while... I myself suffer from addiction problems as does he, and it didn't take long before we fell into the same patterns. I begged and pleaded with him to stop, I pleaded with myself, until we decided enough was enough and we took off to escape the problem. Now running never solved anything is what I learned through this as I was only with him for a short 2 weeks before he decided to tell me I wasn't what he wanted. I was hesterical to say the least, but came back home to stay with my mother. I had a few slips here and there and hurt myself in other like drinking myself stupid, being with men, and using them which is just not who I am. after awhile I started to come to terms with what had happened, I wouldn't say I moved on, but I definately began to live again. I got a job at one of the best places in my city, and burried myself in work and spent the rest of my time with friends. Me and Josh had gotten back together quite a few times through out the 8 months I spent here without him, always with the plan that I would return to Calgary were we would be together, but this dream was ALWAYAS short lived. He would either dump me, or the one time I left him. But yet again I took him back, inside I was dying I had this awful feeling it wouldn't work as it never seemed to in the past, and started pulling away from him, I took his calls less and less, and started going out to the bars with my friends again. until one day I called him and was planning on breaking it off, that's when he told me.... some unbareable news that I'd rather not disclose in such a public area, but never the less it was to much for me to handle. Fed up with crying I just laughed, told him he could go fuck himself and hung up. I didn't call him back for over 2 weeks when I recieved the call. my intention was to move on from this as I couldn't take these ups and downs any longer. He asked me "are we done" I replied very coldly "YES!" then he told me...he was comming home and that he wanted to see me, now keep in mind how much I love him, though even as you read you may call me a fool, my emotions (which had ceased to be for many many years) are very powerful. I told him we'd give it another shot...NO DRUGS!!!! he would work and we'd see how it went. it's been over a month now and all seems to be going great we have had a few differences and set backs but our love seems to be pulling us through as I had hoped. We are taking it one day at a time, I have forgiven him for his mistakes, and he for mine, and we have realized neither of us can play the martyer (though it would be me if anyone!!! ) and we are going strong despite everyones opinions on our relationship no one knows what it's like behind closed doors. He's smart and funny and sweet, and I must say DAMN FINE!!!! and ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIM- and if you are reading you know who you are -KNOWS IT!!!! and even better he's MINE xox.

well that's just a little look into somethings about me, I probably wont write these journals very offten but I hope that you read
Tash♥