oh Mr. Crowley, would you ride my white horse?

Nobody talks about philosophy, religion or the occult anymore. The only people I've had in-depth conversations of any philosophical value or length were Satanists. (Except that time I stayed up with Lina all night to talk and we established that everything in life is connected.) So I have decided to write a little something every week, if I remember to, dealing with the aforementioned areas, in lieu of meeting once a week in a discussion group. And if anyone wants to join in the fun, they can feel free to do so - in fact, I would much like it.

TOPIC FOR THIS WEEK- Aleister Crowley

I chose Mr. Crowley here for a reason. It started in a basement.
I was laughing my ass off because I had just seen a book written by one of Crowley's wives on Wicca. I thought this was just short of hilarious because some of Crowley's writings were used to lay the foundations of LaVeyan Satanism; usually Wiccans and Satanists strive very hard to not be mistaken for each other by the general populace. Satanism, as a rule, views Wicca as Christianity with a few fancy rules, a goddess and magic: ie, very low. And Wiccans'll be damned if people think they worship the devil! (irony)
So Crowley's wife writing a book on Wicca was an entertaining thought.
Turns out....
I got schooled in Religions Influenced by Aleister Crowley, and not for the last time. I was informed that Crowley's writings had also been used in Wiccan/Pagan literature (alot) and influenced the development of Wicca.
That's when I started to study Wicca - and also why. I wanted to find out what Wicca precisely was, since "The Wickedest Man on Earth" had a hand in it.
Wicca- not that impressive. Paganism, there's a horse of a different color; a much more interesting color. I finished studying Wicca & Paganism, and I didn't know what to go into next -but I still hadn't actually sat down and researched Aleister Crowley, nor had I read his writings. All I knew were clips and bits and quotes and basic facts from various places. When I went bookshopping at Christmas, I almost, almost bought a couple Crowley books. Settled instead on "The Black Arts" (a history of every supposedly dark/evil magic) and "Walking the Twilight Path" ( buddhism, mixed with ritual and meditation in order to "bring death's energies into your life" and "recreate the effects of a near-death experience" as they are both supposed to be positive. Seriously heavy, depressing stuff. NOT vampire-Twilight.),
The Black Arts was interesting, but I didn't like a few of the basic assumptions the author wrote under. (For a 70's occult book, it was pretty good.) After reading that, I found out Exactly How Much I Did Not Know About Aleister Crowley.
What I Had Assumed, Based On How Little I Knew:
Crowley, dubbed "The Beast" and "The Wickedest Man on Earth", whose selected writings are found in The Satanic Bible, must have had something (not sure what) legit going for him, judging by the nicknames and how even my-much-esteemed LaVey spoke of him and used some of his creations in his own religion.
And if Ozzy Osbourne wrote a song about him and LaVey spoke of him, then he must not be a complete whackjob.

(Although- it must be stated here- LaVey said, "There is something to be learned from everything.", right before he started talking about Hitler. And I guess this is one of those cases where there is just one thing to be learned. To LaVey, it was: Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law, even though he modified it somewhat)

Every magician is entitled to be a little kooky, but since LaVey (who spared no words with those who deserved them) didn't say outright, "THIS MAN IS DELUSIONAL," I figured Crowley to be a legit magician/occultist. I also figured that, since he is used in the Satanic Bible, his teachings/beliefs might be similar to Satanism.
I knew already that the later-self-imposed nickname "The Beast" (originally given to him by his mother in a rage) was a direct reference to The Great Beast of Revelations, and I knew already that he had tattooed one of his girlfriends' right hands with "the mark of the Beast", and I already knew that made him a wee bit freakish; along with the perfume he mixed himself and wore, which reportedly caused horses to whinny and buck when he walked by, his heavy drug use and his open bisexuality (leaning more towards homosexuality) - yes, Aleister Crowley was a strange man.
Here's how it really is:

He was born waaaaaaaaaay earlier than I thought. Almost 100 years earlier.

October 12th, 1875; Victorian Era, Britian. He was, in reality, born Edward Alexander Crowley and called Alick, but later changed his name. I could give you the thoroughly detailed Wikipedia rundown on everything from how his writings of "blood" and "death" and "kill" were supposed to be thinly disguised euphimisms for sex (sex with either young boys or assistant teenage/young adult guys, depending upon your level of conspiracy belief. Crowley's Magic Major, so to speak, was sex magic) all the way down to his death from a respiratory infection due to asthma plus morphine withdrawals. I could talk about his numerous wives and girlfriends, even though his "true love" was a man and Crowley saw all women as replaceable and weak, without individuality; or about his conspiracy theory that all Jews are baby-slaying-and-sacrificing barbarians with no higher vision.

But I'm going to talk about Crowley's beliefs.
After reading "The Black Arts", which had four whole sections devoted entirely to Qabala, Crowley's specialty, and everything pertaining to it. I have never wanted to finish four fucking sections in a book SO bad. It was almost painful to read and it basically had the same effect on the rational mind as a collision with a spiked mallet.

Death.

One section was an intro and the second had to do with the Qabalic interpretation of the Tarot (ie: dicks and vaginas. all of it's just dicks and vaginas.) but the last two sections actually talked about Qabala and broke it down for you.

PARAPHRASED DEFINITION: Qabala - the universe is like an immense onion. With proper technique and training, one can employ meditation, magic and astral projection to climb through the layers of the universe, or "transcend through the spheres of the planets", in order to make it to the final layer, which is God.

If it wasn't for the fact that I left off at Arabic magic/astrology, which has a similar premise, in another book, I would have been totally unprepared for the whole "Layered Universe" thing. Thankfully, I had gotten most of the WTF out of my system, and so it was mostly HolyFuckIWantToBeDoneWithThis.

Not only is the whole basic idea ridiculous, the lengths that the followers go through are both pointless in their extremity and extremely pointless. A few things that a student of "Qabala According To Crowley" (I don't believe he established a new religion, but I think it's definitely different from your average Madonna-type Kabbalah) would have to do included: Pick a ridiculously common word, such as "the" and "and", and refrain from using it for two weeks, then switch the word at random; not thinking or speaking of a subject you enjoy for a few weeks; standing, stretching, doing yoga, posing and meditating in uncomfortable and physically awkward positions for hours and hours at a time..... and if one to fail at any of these pursuits, as one is bound to do in the beginning, one (and I quote) "must discipline oneself each time. Crowley suggested cutting one's own arm with a razor."

So we have the OnionVerse complete with a Core O' God, and a bunch of yoga-freaks cutting themselves for discipline. Just wait, it gets better.

Crowley also claimed to have performed a human sacrifice of a small boy (X) amount of times, not that I recall right now, but it was X times a year for 50 years. The final number was ridiculous, not to mention impossible. That's where the theory of euphimisms comes in, to replace sacrifice with "getting down with another dude" (or getting down with a boy, if you're one of those conspirists.). That is the oldest, most washed up claim. Sexual euphimism, my everloving ass. He was Victorian, not Catholic.

He was VERY Victorian, actually. Aleister Crowley was such an obvious product of his surroundings that it boggles the mind. My mind, anyway.

Victorian-era male attitudes towards women were not kind. "Except for a rare few" (Crowley) most women are alike: hysterical, neurotic, given to following impulse and emotion, less capable, less intelligent, totally without individuality whatsoever, and primarily interested in marriage, housework, children or playing and lying to her husband because she has no child.

Crowley stated that "There have been about four men in my life that I could say I have loved... Call me a bugger if you like, but I don't feel the same way about women. One can always replace a woman in a few days."

Upon reading that, plus a couple other things, I was forcibly reminded of what Laura said about the Romans. (Or was it the Greeks?) They thought women were weak, and so sex with them was weak and/or would make them weak ( I don't recall which or even if it's one of the two) so they decided to have sex with only men, ie, each other.
That's what that reminded me of.

And that sounds, to me, like Crowley was definitely gay but played with numerous women on the side because he was one of those infinitely damnable bisexuals that call themselves bisexual simply so they can get it on with whoever, whatever, whenever.

However, I did find an interesting quote from him: "I see now how imbecile I was, how hideously wrong and weak it is to reject any part of one's personality."

Research done and brain hemorrage (from the assbackward thinking) finally staunched, I have got to say that I was horribly disappointed. I was expecting something... different. Hokey bullcrap Wicca-Satanic-Evil-Magic, even! I'd go with evil; I was expecting evil, even overdone and theatric evil.

I was not expecting stupidity. But that is what I got. (Minus Crowley's first two Laws: Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law & Love is the Law, Love under Will.) Stupidity, sex and drugs.

I guess Crowley was into heroin, peyote, cocaine, morphine, and I forget what else. I mean, drugs are all well and fine in my book cuz I won't naysay another's bad habits when I have my own, but he mixed drugs and magic, which is an unwritten no-no (drugs interfere) and not very favorable to me, personally. I liked the way LaVey put it (paraphrase) : To judge someone who does drugs, you must look at their effectiveness and success outside their drug group.

Except for his writings (of which only his fiction makes any sense - his magic grimoires seem to be gobbedygook; unsurprising, considering his most famous book The Book of the Law, was dictated to him through his possibly possessed wife from the Egyptian god, Horus) and his work in the occult, Crowley had no lasting impression on the world at large. Only the image of a dark magician, Moste Evile and enlightened in the ways of the unknown.

How wrong that image. And how sad that fact is. The "most evil man" of the Victorian era was a gay, delusional, misogynic, racist, addicted, self-deceptive cracked-motherfucking-pot. With a lot of hype behind him.

That all being said, I'm glad I didn't buy any of his books.