from Abstraction to Reality

The Anticipation, an evolution from Abstraction to Reality
a Process of Actualization.1

Here are the pressing reasons that I whispered, recited in monologue, in dialogue; the script: feeling at odds from time to time with the ironic detachment of North American living, while at the same time feeling quite naive, and in place of this detachment to be somewhere with significantly different relationships to nature, relationships between people, as a woman; and yet to find ways to empathize and see radical similarities beneath the difference.2

Here in this plane with three hours to go, I wonder what kinds of intentions or exceptions I may be holding beneath my enthusiasm. Everything that pushed me, which led me to this decision lurks in my heart of course, but suspicion wants to see behind my openness to find expectation. I am surprised to find thus far no real grand expectation other than the confrontation of India; that is to say, to open my heart strongly and fiercely to what may be the intensity of India. (its intensity maybe being the expectation) However being adaptable is my priority, and I mean it in as many ways as I can think of: to become emotionally, psychologically, and physically fit to evolve and shift to a lifestyle unprecedented, brimming with the unexpected. At least, as much as I can. One may call it a test of strength, pushing past the boundaries of familiarity.3

Despite such a practical place to begin though, and such a rational intention... looking out at the floors of rolling clouds beneath the plane (these are the clouds of Iran, Baghdad, clouds of some near war, clusters of people of difference and sameness, clouds over violently changing cultural lives) I know I want to really thrust my heart into the earth, wind, and water of India and in many ways let myself go. Despite precautions and a quest to push my boundaries and cut through naivety, I sense, also suspiciously, that in fact it is some old aged romanticism which is truly leading tet-e-coeur to this land.