...#1

I don't know if I've ever written one of these before but anyways here we go.1

So I had to declare my major(s) a few days ago because I am two hours away from being a Junior in college...and it just freaked me out ya know?? I mean, I have no earthly idea what I wanna do with my life...hell I'm just trying to keep myself from breaking down and killing myself. I remember high school used to be a pain in my butt because it was a constant question they shoved down our throats "What will you do in a year, 5, 7, 10 years??" and I have no clue what I want or will be doing. Marriage? Doubt it. Children? Probably not. Job? Pray to the heavens I do. It's just so up in the air it's so uncertain. I could say that I'll get married tomorrow and then the next day it backfires, it's not CONCRETE. Neither is love...to me love just seems to be unnecessary. Why in the world would you put your faith in ONE person only to have your heart broken?? Why would you want that nauseating feeling constantly like you have a crappy stomach virus, it just doesn't make sense. Don't get me wrong I used to believe in love, I had crushes...and each one ended up in disaster. I've convinced myself that I will be alone for the rest of my life...if I do end up being in a relationship fantastic if not I'll just go buy like 40 cats and live with them. At least I won't feel like puking every waking moment of my life. Sorry things have just been so stressful lately. I have next to no self esteem and my ego and pride is pretty much next to nothing. I don't know...maybe it would must be easier just to disappear and just not have any type of relationship whether it be love or friendship. Maybe I should just vanish