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Dear Whoever Cares

So I haven't been on the site much lately1

Not because I'm lazy.. Not because I'm busy.. Not because I bought a new life
I just have no inspiration2

I sort of feel empty inside really
That's probably the best way to explain it.. for now3

There's a boy who is great to me
I mean really great, the best Ive been treated in probably.. ever..
Really good at making me want to be a better person4

I told him I loved him5

and he told me I didnt
which was fine because later I discovered that to be true
I was just wanting to say it to feel special6

Don't get me wrong, Im crazy about the guy
Crazy Crazy.7

A few days go, I was in my 'Im leaving' stage because thats what Ally does when things get hard, I leave. I dont fight for what I want. I just up and leave. Because in the past if I said leave it got me what I wanted. And he hates it. He wants me to work out our problems, which sounds great.8

But I cant talk when Im pissed nor do I want to. But Im trying for his sake. He has changed for me so its only fair I try. 9

Anyhow, he told me he loved me last night.. Not mushy head over heels but 'loved me as a person'10

Which is great coming from him.. and I really believe he means it11

which I hate12

Suddenly Idk what to do or how to act.. I mean this entire time Ive been putting up an act and I feel like Idk myself anymore13

Ive been in love once before and it crushed me, he cheated and hit me and blah blah and anyhow it did a lot of things to mentally afterwards..14

So who can blame a person for being terrified of love? But its like I want to.. but.. I cant handle it.. I just dont know what to do.. I feel like Im going to lose him because I cant get my shit together and I feel like I cant control myself.. 15

I know you're not supposed to blame a new love for things an old love did16

But really
How do you not worry about it?17

18


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Comments


  • PinkeyPromise
    November 8
    Edit | Reply
    he sounds like a great person. i think u should try for him. itll b ok hun, and if he does hurt u im sure someone will kick his ass lol.


  • cazzy71
    November 8
    Edit | Reply

    x

    bless ya. do not wittle,as this is wasted energy,focus on all that you are,and it may surely lead you to all you want to be.. xx

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