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place in life

i feel so sad. lonely. depressing. i honestly want to kill myself.
i can't help the tears when i'm alone. but when everyone else is in sight or ear, i contain them. i endure it. but when i'm all alone in a small room, i can't help but cry and detest my self as well as the whole universe. 1

where's my place? i want to be in one piece. to be a pirate named emi. to just sail the seas and not care about anything. i'd rather die from starvation and dehidration than die of unhappines, loneliness. if i'm out there, i'll be able to be.
i just know it.2

doesn't everyone need their place in life? then why... does someone not give me mine?

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