Dear Journal,
Remember how I told you yesterday that Josh emailed me? Ugh, he emailed me again and asked if I was ever going to call him. I don't want to. I don't want to face the questions of "will you ever get back with me" It's the same old same old. I'm am finally truly happy with who I have now and even though he is leaving soon, I don't want anyone else. not even Josh. He had his chances, he screwed them up and I'm done. I don't care if we are mutual friends but I don't want to have to keep justifying my life and heart to him. I will always have a special softness for him. After all he was my first real love, but jeez gimmie a break will ya?! It's been 3 years and in that time he's done nothing to prove to me he wants this to work other than to tell me, declare to me that he does. I know he does but not enough to DO it. Don't talk about it, BE about it.1
Whatever. Even if he does show up eventually or ever, I won't take him back. I don't care how great he fit into the family. I don't care how much Dad liked him, I don't care how well he got along with the kids, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care!!!!!!!!
I wish he would just let it be. and I wish everyone would STOP freaking asking me how he's doing! ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!2
now, how the hell am I supposed to explain this to Tommy? Should I even? He 's already told me he harbors grudges for those who hurt the people he loves. I don't want to make him feel that way. I don't know what to tell him. If i tell him, I'm afraid he will be mad about it. But if I don't I will feel guilty for holding it in. What should I do?3
I'm just at a loss on what to do next. I don't know whether to call Josh and tell him to get over it, and move on. or to write him and tell him through a letter. I don't know anymore.4
p.s. Oh and by the way, I emailed my neice back. I haven't heard from her yet. it was a long letter. I tried to make it short and not complex, but seeing as how she asked me why we broke up, it was difficult. Oh well, I hope she understands.
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IMO, I would go ahead and tell Tommy...cuz it's bound to come out sooner or later, and what if it accidently slips from someone else? Plus the guilty feeling will eat away at you and he's gonna notice if you're feeling down. Just my two cents. *hugs*
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