11/01/09

Halloween is one of my very favorite holidays every years. It always has been since I was a little girl; it just got worse as I grew up. I will be the parent dressing up with my children if I ever get that glorious opportunity. =]
This past weekend was Halloween and Friday evening we spent the time with one of my closest friends just relaxing and catching up on stuff. We had so much fun and about midnight we all headed up to Rackem's to play some pool. I don't make it a habit to get drunk but that particular night I had had a few beers of which I was nursing slowly throughout the night. When I got to the pool hall, I proceeded to buy a mixed drink which knocked me on my ass towards the end of the night. Well, technically the first one didn't, it just left me feeling great. The second drink however, was made very strong. I mean VERY strong, to the point that I took one sip and (shudders) it just was bad. I didn't drink it.
Anyways, towards the end of the night when they were all but shoving us out the door at closing time, Michael, Will, Alan and Lindsay had decided to go back to Will's chill some more, so I thought that Tommy and I would go but he decided he didn't want to. He told me it was okay if I went. Sounds normal right?
Okay, so once I heard that I was concerned that he didn't mean it. I mean I'm so used to someone telling me no, or telling me that he didn't like the idea of me leaving without him or pouting because I was leaving to go with my friends and not home with him. Because of all that previous psycho cranium migraine BS, I was checking and re-checking that it was okay. It was like I was terrified that he wasn't being truthful with me. I began to get upset once I realized that Tommy was really okay with me going out without him. It was so weird for me cause I didn't want to be crying but I was sobbing. I had Sarah and Meekle telling me to calm down and that it was going to be okay but I couldn't stop. (Note to self; no more Green Monster drinks; they are like Kryptonite)
So yeah, that was my Friday night. There are more details but nothing worth mentioning. We went back, they attempted to watch Zombieland and I got sick. (damned drink)Then we all passed out. I woke up to my phone ringing and massive headache. (To think of all the passed years of me doing that drinking till I'm sick makes me wanna hurl when I'm sober...so stupid. But you live and learn what to do and what not to do)1

Needless to say, it was strange to discover that I was really worried about pissing him off but I didn't. In fact he was worried that he had done something wrong. Him do something wrong?! No! I thought I was when they were leaving but nope, he was being normal and trusting me with the people he trusted me to be okay and have a good time. That makes me feel good. 2

Anyways, I've harped on that subject enough, I just am amazed at it though. In a good way I promise.3

Now, I got an email from my younger niece over the weekend asking me why I had broken up with my ex-fiance and that it was bothering her. It was kind of strange since that's been about 3 and half years ago, but she is getting to that age I guess. Still it's strange. I haven't responded to her yet, I was kind of shocked when I received it so I think I will wait when I can get my mind cleared enough to tell her.
I know the reason we broke up. It's called mistrust and misunderstanding from both our parts. He accused me of cheating on him and I accused him of forgetting about me.
Two months before we got married, he left me. Ugh, don't even want to replay the events in my mind.
On top of the email from Claire (niece) I got an email from my ex-fiance (Josh). Totally weird.
I haven't responded and I doubt I will. When I was dating David, I told him I was thinking about working things out with him but he had to prove a lot of shit to me. He agreed and not more than 2 weeks later he was telling me I had to make a choice that if he was going to move down I had to leave David. Where as before he was telling me he was moving down here regardless of what I did. How fucked up is that?! 4

Now, if he showed up right now, I wouldn't take him back. He made his decision and made a life with a fat bitch and has a little girl. Take care of your little girl dude, and leave me the hell alone. I'm happy. Finally, everlastingly happy. I don't want Josh anymore. I can say that and be okay with it. Thank God.
I feel as if I need to send him something to let him know he needs to let go. If I can find someone who makes me feel like I did when I first met him, then I believe he can too. I just want him to let go.
And I REALLY want my family to let go to. I'm so fucking sick of hearing about it from my father. Every chance he gets, he jabs at me about it. Oh if he only knew half the shit that man put me through. But he won't because I hate talking about it. It does nothing but bring up bad memories and heartaches. It's been 3 years everyone, get over it.5

Wow, I just realized out much I'm venting about random shit from all different corners of my mind. But it's okay, I can do that here and not have to worry about hell I'm gonna catch from " spouting off in random sprouts of conversation"6

It's okay, I'm sure I'll have more later.7

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