Fuck My Life!

a lot of shit is going on like it's so hard. the first of all is like school my dad's expecting me to have straight A's with the acception a B in a minor class like sophomore, and right now i have 3 B's for the marking period, maybe a c+ in history honors but i'm not sure. And he keeps just pressuring and shit about how my report better be good like last year. i can't tell him that i'm overwhelmed with work and the first marking won't be straight A's like he wants. and i cna't because then he'll be like "you know why? because you don't do enough study and are too busy playing video games and being on comp not doing anything for yourself" and all the excuses he pull out of his ass. He'll probably not let me do anything at all after he gets report card like he doesn't do that already and his excuse for that is "I give you too much. Too much is too much for you. you get too much and don't pay attention to your studies so you're nto going to get anything from me anymore" like that doesn't happen already. And then my parents fight a lot sometimes and it's terrible.1

Then there's this guy i like he lives in Union, which is twenty minutes from hackensack and i can't tell if he likes me and i think he does. Only problem rents don't know about online if they did i'd be in like solitary confinement. and then we know how they dont' let me go anywhere where they don't go and they especially wouldn't let me hang out with guy, and also more if they knew he's 20. i probably couldn't even ask to hang out with friends and without my rents knowing, him coming to see me and my friends or vice versa. And this boy situation sucks the most because he's moving to florida this year. I finally like a guy who possibly likes me back and lives in NJ 20 minutes away and he just so happens to moving.2

And to top it off my parents want me to constantly do housework, like they want me to do only schoolwork and housework 24/7, not having time to myself to play video games or go on the computer for my own leisure.. Funny thing because they want me to do medicine and expect me to be a good wife. I don't know how that happens if doctors work like a shitload of hours in a week. Yeah i'm going to be the doctor that goes insane with work. I'll be so used to work that i cna't live without doing work.3

i don't think i even want to be a doctor. I want to be a designer. I don't know maybe interior design or a commercial architect. But apparently the most and only successful field throughout the economy and future is medicine. bullshit why do i have to be a fucking doctor. and then they use that stupid guilt trip of "we do so much for you don't you want to make our dreams come true. we've worked our entire life to make you stand. So be a doctor because doctors make a lot of money and you'll have no problems when you're married and have kids. it's like they don't fucking get that it's my life and i'll live it however i want to, whichever way makes me happy. and people say parents care about how to make their children happy. what bullshit. my parents are too busy caring about how to make my life into what they want it that hey push my needs aside and stuff me with theirs. they think oh we're doing the right thing by pushing her likes this she'll thank us one day. fuck no i won't my success was more than half mine. yes the fed me clothed me gave me a place to live but my educational success was because i did all the work to get there. they were too busy in pursuing their own self-interests for me that i've become somewhat selfish thinking of what i want a lot.4

like there's not way to please them but only by doing what makes them happy, and not yourself. i don't know i fucking hate my life. i wish i could get swine flu or some shit.