Fake Smile

My innocence is held together by this hook. My journey found to the right of this lost and found box. I find myself alone this morning, staring through the eyes of disarray and sadness. Looking, searching, for anything in clean view. But not a thing around but myself and this darkness. Put this all in the locket around my neck, lock it inside and find another journey. I can't believe what I see in this uneventful path. The power! The shots! The anger! The madness! These are all around me living in mysteries. Locating myself today is like the locked up mind that lays within the cage. Inside my thoughts, are lies of my innocence. I have this all to blame on a simple white lie. What will I do? Do I turn around and see the fakers betrayed behind this mask? Or do I take off to the next city with no return home? I feel this burning inside. What will it do to me? I'm hopeless I guess. A single word spoken to this all, but no words that come out and go around. Will this dirt road take me to the end? What is at the end? Do I even want to find out? The moments of satisfaction to know the truth comes crashing upon me. I see it through this fading mist. I'm far from okay, but what is really fake in this smile on my face in this early dawn? I honestly do not know at this time, but I could care less. So at the end of the day, will I still have the fake smile? But I don't know what to say, yet this is all fine.The silence in this house is only getting in my way. I don't see why this is falling upon my dismantled body like a cannon ball shooting to sink a vessel ship. Imagine seeing this all through the eyes of a little girl, the girl that tells this all. Do you happen to know who this person is? Of course, it is me. I am the little girl. The answers I guess, lie inside me. They seem so far away, yet so close by me. I wanted to see this all come clean to me, but it's starting to become more and more blurry. What can I use to see? Where are those glasses I used to wear so many times? The moments of confusion hidden amongst my body and inside lies the painful heartache of everyday life. I try to envision what I need to see but it's fine. This isn't what life is supposed to be like. Take this all and hide it back inside. Take a while and think about what I've been saying. This isn't a poem. This is my thoughts, my journal entry. All that I've said leaves me in the darkness, shivering to pieces. Falling, goes my body to the ground. I can't tell but this is too much to handle and the dream that I feel like I am seeing is fading through this clear day. Hidden and scared of what is coming for me; but I am calling for my life to come to an end. I am spinning down upon my knees and my mind is racing with all that I've come to acknowledge. I don't know, I just think I am too confused to comprehend what I've typed so far. To end this journal entry, will involve touching it with a heart string. I will be watching my back for nails that puncture my ever-waking thoughts. Sometime I will go and these memories in my mind will move slowly through my head. This is all promising to my dark brown eyes. To finally stop typing will take myself drying my face of these tears and to find the answers behind my eyes. Deviously erasing this all to a single swipe of pain dripped madness. 1